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Big Question

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Submitted by NotYourAverageS... on Wed, 04/23/2025 - 10:25am

So I have not had the time to look this up so I am wondering if you all know from experience or whatever if any bit of domestic violence happens in the home even if it is against another child in the home, if DH should of been notified of this occuring? After all the drama last week, BM finally said what happened with stepdad or at least her version of it (I say this because BM has spouted similar lies about DH that were absolutely not true). BM says she walked in on Stepdad basically choking the sister so she left him for it. It could be true, but it is hard to know. At this point, what I want to know is if BM has a legal obligation to notify DH. Personally, I feel like she does because who knows if it happened to SD too, but BM thinks sharing this information almost 5 whole months later is not a problem.

 

EDIT: BM claims that it had been reported to their child protective services but DH wouldn't be notified since SD was not present for the incident. DH and I are skeptical about that so we reached out to the child protective services office via phone call and it sounded like if there was a case, DH would of been notified. However, to get it in writing we did send an email with the same question outlining the facts that it was SD's half sister, SD's primary home, SD was not there, but the alleged perpetrator lived in the home with them, etc. if DH would have been notified.

It is unfortunately sad that we cannot just take BM at her word. I would think if child protective services had a case of this they would of notified the police then would start an investigation and case, which would all be on the public records website for their state. Currently the only thing under step dad's name is the divorce case and a traffic violation, but all criminal, civil, family, etc. cases are public record on the government site. Guess we will find out. BM tried to pull a similar situation that BM made false allegations about DH and abuse when he filed for divorce from BM, none of which she called cps or the police, just ran around saying all these awful things about DH. So just fishy that Step dad filed for divorce and now there are allegations against him. Could be true though, just really have no idea.

Comments

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 04/23/2025 - 10:29am

I am thinking yes.  I would also consider contacting SD's therapist and relating that information so she can follow up with the child.

He can relay that his EX made similar accusations against him.. but that there is always a chance that it is true this time.. and he is concerned.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Submitted by NotYourAverageS... on Wed, 04/23/2025 - 11:28am

with BM that it had been reported to the therapist, but since SD wasn't there and he isn't the sister's dad then he did not have to be notified. That the therapist reported the abuse and has been working with child protective services. 

Right now we are going on the route of communicating with child protective services to get an answer on if he would of been notified. Then take it from there. There is no case against him according to their state's public records at this time.

Felicity0224's picture

Submitted by Felicity0224 on Thu, 04/24/2025 - 9:02am

I would like to say that DCFS is organized and efficient enough to follow through with updating all parents of children living in a home that's being investigated, but in my experience, they simply are not. Not through anyone's willful neglect, it's just the fact that they're overloaded with work at all times. So just because DH wasn't contacted, doesn't mean that there wasn't an incident.

That being said, your BM is a known liar, so I'd really take this with a grain of salt. Though if it's true, it could partially explain SD's school issues. It wouldn't be easy to focus on school work with chaos like that happening at home. Poor kiddo! 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Submitted by NotYourAverageS... on Thu, 04/24/2025 - 10:47am

I think regardless of it being true if stepdad just up and left and didn't say goodbye to the kids or there was a lot of fighting even happening before he left, etc. all would give good reason for SD's school issues. Especially because then she was suddenly more with grandma than BM. 

I definitely feel for SD and for her sister. If it is true, just add another trauma to that poor child's life, but then I also have to remind myself who is the cause of the trauma for both children? BM. I am 100% certain she would blame DH and the divorce from him, but the common factor is always BM.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Thu, 04/24/2025 - 10:00am

Just going to throw this out there... Has DH considered reaching out to Step Dad directly? Does he have his contact info? If I were him I would consider reaching out. Have it come from a place of concern, not pointing fingers. Say exactly what has been said. SD wasn't in the house, but this claim of DV is being made. You're trying to follow up with DSS, but no definitive answers. If DH is comfortable sharing, he can let him know that he had the same issues with BM. 

I DO find it fishy that BM is claiming she left him... but he filed for divorce first somehow. It wouldn't hurt to get another side to the story IMO. 

**also to add - I'm a teacher and have a lot of experience with DSS. Each state is different, but if a formal investigation is taking place, then SD would be interviewed as well. Even if she wasn't in the house at the time of the incident. This makes me skeptical of what BM is claiming. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Submitted by NotYourAverageS... on Thu, 04/24/2025 - 10:45am

We do have his contact information since it is in the CO app they use as an emergency contact. It is one of those things that we do reach out there is a high chance whether he did what BM said or didn't that he is going to go right back to BM and say that DH reached out asking. 

We definitely find it fishy that we know he filed, but BM is claiming that she left him. She doesn't know we have seen that he has filed. I doubt she even knows that info is public record in her state. 

That is what I thought or at least would of been named in the report as living there and contact DH. I also think it is suspcious that if she "reported it" that there is nothing on the public records about it because they would have to get the police involved. I feel bad not automatically believing it because a good person would not make up these claims, but BM is not a good person and has a history of making false allegations.