12 year old step daughter is biting my bio daughter and more.
I haven't posted in a while because step daughter was staying with her grandpa while her father worked out of state. So it's winter break my daughter 8 and his daughter 12 have a couple weeks off. On Christmas Eve his kid literally bit my kid, her dad was at work and not answering. So I googled 12 year old biting issues and realizing there's more advice on the net for 12 years olds drinking blood. So I did to her what my grandma did to her toddlers who bit people, and the only advice I've ever heard on how to handle biting children. I bit her back.....that's right I sunk my teeth into her hand like she did my kid she cried and yelled but I'll be surprised if it's ever an issue again. I didn't leave any marks that lasted more than 12 hours which in my state is where the legal abuse line is drawn. I really don't think they lasted more than an hour. She but her dad a year ago so hard she messed up his muscle for a couple weeks and left a bruise that looked like he got hit with a baseball so she has recently (for her age) been told not to bite people. She has a history of bad behavior even hitting her grandpa while laughing. She won't do it around me because she knows I'll make her go tell the police that she assaults people and laughs. And at worst I will give her a proper dose of her own medicine. Her dad bought me baby books for our son who is now two and the other kid which is on the way. Then she starts asking me what she did as a baby.....me and her father didn't live together until about 2 and a half maybe three years ago. She knows I did not know her or her father prior to her being 7. I don't even know what to say to her questions. She does whatever she can to get attention etc. and yes to a certain point I do feel bad for her. But she gets mad and with a total attitude says to my own daughter " well I guess I'm not her child". Like I've somehow disappointed her because I have no idea what she did as a baby. She's not my kid. That's obvious, however, she tells everyone this crap that it's clear she's not my kid and I treat her different but she is like refusing to comprehend that she is different than my own I can't answer the same questions for her that I can my own and that it should reflect badly on me in any way. She's just so twisted with her thinking. Her dad won't be here but anther couple weeks at best then she will be here with just me and my kids and it makes it even more uncomfortable. I'm about to just tell her to do as she pleases so she will be gone at whatever one friend she's managed to hold onto that weeks house. She ignores me disrespects me lies about me then gets mad because I don't know what she did as an infant or toddler? I don't want to be around her anymore. I don't know what to do to even Benin friendly terms at this point.
- NoneYa's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'm sorry but where is the
I'm sorry but where is the BM? Why isn't she with her??
Friendly?? You're the adult in charge and she is misbehaving. Punish her for biting, take away phones, electronics, etc. Put her in solitary confinement (her room with nothing to amuse her) until she can learn to behave.
She is NOT your kid and you're NOT required to know everything about her. You are going to naturally treat your own kids differently than you treat her and that is okay.
As long as you are balanced with your treatment, then you have no need to feel apologetic.
This is your skid, she is in your care because her bio-parents are otherwise occupied right now. You are in charge. You are the adult. She is the child. You are in charge.
I can honestly say that Jong
I can honestly say that Jong has never been an issue with my first three. However dd1 had the dickens in her and she hits, bites, throws herself down...she's something else.
Does being bite during breast
Does being bite during breast feeding count?
Hahaha - that is exactly what
Hahaha - that is exactly what I did. You have teeth, No milk for you!
Mine did that at five months,
Mine did that at five months, she had teeth top and bottom. OUCH! That's when I changed to bottle-feeding only.
So to show her biting is
So to show her biting is wrong, you bite her.
So if she hits your kid are you gonna hit her?
If she gives your kid a cigarette, are you going to make her smoke cigarettes?
If she feeds your kid sweets - are you going to give her sweets?
I would rethink the punishment if this ever happens again.
You bit a kid???!!!!
You bit a kid???!!!!
uhhhm wow. Well although I
uhhhm wow. Well although I wouldn't do it myself, I have heard of workers at daycares having problems with the younger children biting. Its a sign of frustration and something they do to express themselves when they don't know the words to say. But they didn't deal with it by biting the kid. My mom told me that when she worked in daycare the would take the biters and make them put their own arm in their mouth and bit down on it like they bit down on the other child....now Im not saying its right, but I will say their version of "punishment" is a lot better than you biting her. You can go to jail in my area for biting or spitting on another individual and she is a minor...
I'd like to see the link that
I'd like to see the link that the line for abuse is if marks last more than 12 hours.
I am appalled that a 12 year old would bite - that seems abnormal. I'm even more appalled that you thought the best way to deal with it was to bite her back! You are an adult - you couldn't think of another way to punish her?
I'd be concerned with figuring out why she is acting in such an age inappropriate manner.
Her bio mom is gone.....has
Her bio mom is gone.....has been since she was like three. I've never meet her bio mom so my guess is she doesn't really care. And yeah my theory is give people a dose of their medicine back. If you can't see the difference between biting someone in an out of control behavior and biting them to show them that their actions have painful consequences for the receiver then I feel bad for you.
And in my state you can pay to have the juvenile jail keep the kids over night to teach them a lesson. Maybe your advice is to drop her off there? I think that's cruel. For biting anyways. But she's out of control I'm left alone with her for weeks her mom is gone and her dad works out of state a lot. I do feel bad for her but you can't honestly have a conversation telling a 12 year old not to bite. She's 12, she's known for at least 10 years that's wrong.
You're adult who knows biting
You're adult who knows biting is wrong, yet you still bit a child. :?
If that girl tellsma teacher what you did, SD and your kids could end up in foster care.
Can your husband not arrange
Can your husband not arrange alternative care for her? Clearly she is not happy with you, and you are not happy to watch her alone (which is understandable). If this was a one-time spat between siblings (or step-siblings) then it would be no issue, but from your post the problems go deeper than that.
While I don't agree with your solution I do have some sympathy for the notion of tasting some of your own medicine. It is not right to hurt a child, period. However, it is also not right to be put in a situation where this could even be a distant possibility. If her BM is not in the picture and your DH works away, you need another solution. Boarding school?
The boarding schools near
The boarding schools near here require that you be able to test into them. Which she cannot only public schools will take her. I did look into boarding schools. And honestly for the people talking about foster care....I was in foster care as a kid they absolutely do not remove kids for something like that. She's never so much as touched. She is in therapy. And believe me the kid blabs to everyone who will listen about what a giant victim she is. So far we are thinking that putting her in on line school and her going with her father is possibly the best alternative. She's 12 not 3 she shouldn't be biting people and no I absolutely do not feel bad for punishing a tween in a way that didn't break skin or leave a bruise or any mark that lasted more than an hour. Her father and her bio grandpa both told her that she needs to stop biting people I've told her over the course of a year never to bite people. She was sent to her room and given two options first she could go tell her fathers friend (who is a cop) what she did and deal with whatever his consequences are or she can get what she gave.....she choose to get back what she delivered. No, cps does not give a crap about what happened. Yes if they got a complaint they would come ask questions and after talking with myself and her they would be done just as fast. No, they do not remove kids for that kind of stuff EVER. If someone told you they took their kids and they were victims believe those people are always going to be the victim in a story. You are way over estimating the amount of people willing to take in foster kids period much less violent kids. I'm not perfect and I'm ok with that. I KNOW she is past the point of talking to and needs actual consequences. It's just that simple. She talks to a professional on a weekly basis she still bites. Hopefully this solved it, if not she will be visiting juvenile detention.
I don't know where you lived,
I don't know where you lived, but here (NYC) kids have been pulled from there homes for a lot less than a step parent biting them. When kids are removed, they dont take the hurt kid, they remove all of the kids that are in the home.
ExDF ended up with custody of his son because BM slapped him for being mouthy. The slap left a mark, a teacher called CPS, he and his younger sister were pulled from the home. CPS asked the dads if they would take the kids, if not they were goimg into foster care until mom and her husband complete parenting classes.
The same happened to a friend's sister's 4 kids (2 bio 2 step) were pulled from her home for a year because her husband slapped his oldest daughter for talking back to her stepmom.
The Nixmary Brown case changed things here. Teachers and case workers are no longer willing to give families the benefit of the doubt.
Based on the OP's actions and
Based on the OP's actions and her reasoning, if she lived here and CPS found out about this, every kid in that home would be bounced into foster care.