First off let me say...WELCOME! While i'm not in your situation, I do know of one other member of the group who has posted that her relationship began as an affair...so my suggestion is that you poste in the "Forums" as a forum topic (people may not read your blog but usually check out the forum questions....I hope you are able to find the answers you need...Good Luck

Hi Noexcuses, I started out as an affair. I wish I hadn't, but this relationship has made me happier than I knew I could be. The divorce is final and we're still together. I read an article (wish I could find it and post a link) talking about people who are in unfulfilling relationships. It said that many times we don't realize just how unfulfilled we are until something new comes along and opens our eyes. My BF was very unhappy and knew his marriage was over, but it took our new relationship to show him that he really deserved happiness and a partner in life. I'll always carry some guilt that I somehow broke up a family and I'll always have people "doing the math" about when we started being seen together and when the divorce was final, but I take some comfort knowing that his children have never seen a happy, loving relationship until he and I got together. They've never been in a peaceful home until he and I created one.

I too started as an affair. But let me clarify he was married to his second wife and they have no children together. It's his first ex-wife that is the thorn in our sides. My husband and I have been married for 14 years now! I don't think the guilt ever goes completely away, but it does diminish some. Good Luck!

I was dating my husband when he was going through the divorce process. They both were living separately, I came in the picture 8 months before the divorce was final. She was probably furious with him when she found out that he found me in the middle of their divorce. Welcome to the site and just be ready for what's coming, exwife actions and behavior. I have a 9 yr. old stepson so I don't know the teenage part situations.

I have an interesting perspective on the affair issue b/c my step mother came into my life b/c she had an affair with my father. They’ve been married for almost 11 years. We (my stepmom and I) get along great and ironically my mother and her get along great too! She sends my mom medicine through me when my mom is sick (my stepmom is a nurse) my dad and stepmom took my mom and sister out to dinner for my brother’s birthday (my sister is my mom’s and another man) Time heals all wounds and she has since apologized to my mother for how things happened and I truly believe that she meant it…However, and some of you may disagree with this (and I’m sure my stepmom would too…) there have been MANY times that my dad has regretted how things turned out (he and I can talk and he has told me as much as well as said some things to my husband during “man talk” that my husband has mentioned to me)…he and my step mom have two beautiful boys and they have a great life but part of him wishes this later stage of his life away (only in that he wishes he’d have worked it out with my mom…not that he doesn’t love my stepmom or the boys!!) I’m sure he told my stepmom how unhappy he was in his marriage (its almost impossible to start an affair w/o claiming to be unhappy) but in reality he just wanted to have his cake and eat it too…he still LOVED my mom but was just at a different place in his life and wasn’t truly ready to be a FAITHFUL husband and father (which he is now…I’d say the last 5 years of his marriage….) I’m not saying that is true in any of your situations…I just say it to say sometimes we let them men off the hook too much (I know my husband can be in error a lot of the time…in the way he handles things with biomom and when he is I tell him so…) and place too much blame on biomom….just food for thought…

I'm not sure if you can consider it an affair....

I prefer to think that our marriages were over. In all aspects..they were..we were just hanging on because of kids..and we didn't know what else to do..as we had both been preparing for the end for several years. We also made a point of not being sexual until we each officially "ended it" with our spouses. (7-10 days later) That way we weren't really cheating.(technically) It happened fast..it's like love at first site..but we were under each others noses..the whole time!

Regardless of how I like to look at it..it was not an "appropriate amount of time" we were each still living under the same roofs as our "x's". I had been talking divorce for 2 years..and had been sleeping on the couch for over 6 months..but we were not officialy split-up. Actually I had just purchased a box spring and mattress for myself and was sleeping on it in the rec room. My BF in his miserable marriage..had set up his own bank accounts..cashed in RRSP's..& other joint assets..a year or two before hand ..also preparing for the inevitable demise of his marriage. They were recently separated for the 3rd time..she just weaseled her way back into the house..to get possession of it. We each had done all this..while we were acquaintences..independently..it had nothing to do with each other..we had no thoughts of jumping into something else..with anyone!!

His divorce was final in 2003. I still have no paperwork done. It's been 5 years..we purchased a house together a short time later. His kids were 15 & 25 at the time...(there's your teens)..and mine 6 & 8.

My kids are more accepting of him ..than his kids of me..I think that's an age thing. Also step-daughter vs step-mom is more of a problem than accepting a step-dad...from what I can see. His girls seemed to welcome their mothers BF..(the one she cheated on their father with for the last year of the marriage)..but were very cold to me. My daughter accepts her step-dad..but is having issues with her (future?) step-mom. My son accepts everyone!

I have issues building with my SD's..because it has been 5 years..and they need to grow up.. I see so much of thier mother in them ...it's an issue I have to learn to deal with from inside me.. I haven't resolved many of the issues..one lives far away..an the other is also on her own..so I tolerate things for the short periods of time I have to deal with them. I know thier mother has filled their heads with nonsense..I won't do battle over things I cannot change!! Life is too short! I have better things to put my energies into!!

Maybe that's a cop-out..... but it works for me.. I can't change their personalities, they have mother's genes and raised under her infuence..not mine.. The dynamics between them & thier father was established years, & years ago..long before I came into the picture. I'm really not prepared to tackle that head on! It helps me when I think of what he "puts up with" .. he could've been kid free at this stage of his life.. BUT he has taken on my two..the drive me here, drive me there, pick-up your mess, my sister is bugging me...can I have freinds over..who tracked in dirt.. etc., etc.,... and he didn't have too. (He is soo wonderful with them.) So whenever I'm having trouble dealing with his children for the short periods I have too..I just think of what he has taken on!!!

And I will bite my tongue to a certain extend out of respect for him and for the sake of keeping the peace!! But it feels so good to let it out here!!! This site has kept my head from exploding many times!! Thank you so much everyone!!