Some kids are just hard to love. Especially SKs . They hear their other parents opinions about you and it soon becomes their own. One thing you have to think about is that 2 yr old is a part of your significant other, she won't just go away, not for another 16 years at least. A child should take the parents #1 priority, and so you think you are ok with knowing that your always going to be 2nd on his list? Kids are needy, whiney, and selfish. That hardly changes even as they get older. Being a part in a child's life can be rewarding , and accepting his daughter means accepting him for who he is and what hes done in the past. If you love him, you will make it work with the daughter,you don't have to be crazy about her and she doesn't have to be crazy about you,you both just have to get along and now is a good age to start instead of waiting till she is older. Leave her mom for the dad to deal with. It's probably just jealousy.

You have put yourself in a very difficult sitch. It isn't unusual for you to feel that way, read my first post and that of many others. You are not alone in feeling this way.

As long as you feel that the child is a burden, you will NOT bond with her. I have been with my DH for 8 years and I have yet to bond with his brat. My best advice, may sound harsh, you should walk away now. If you feel this horribly towards her then you shouldn't put yourself in a sitch that you may regret later. I sometimes wish I would've thought marring DH twice. I never really resented SD, she is 10 now, before; it all started when she moved in with us full time.

I also met SD when she was 2.5, but at that our visits were limited. My DH and her Sdad were in the military and so we were not able to meet often.

Don't be too hard on yourself (wish I could take my advice, I feel the same for feeling that same towards my SD), if you really want the relationship with your SO to flourish you should ease up a bit. Find things that you enjoy and maybe incorporate her into them. I used to paint my SD's nails, often, it wasn't really bonding time it kept her from moving for a while. I used to tell her that her nail polish dried in an hour and that she couldn't move her hands for too long... lol. I didn't make her sit an entire hour with her hands on the table but I made it last as long as she allowed it. I would also play tea with her, A LOT, it kept her entertained and we didn't have to go outside.

If I may ask, where is your SO on the weekends? Why isn't he taking care of her? Have you spoken to him about taking a more active role (again, I wish I could take my own advice, I allow DH to run over me most times)? Wish you luck.

It sounds harsh, but I also believe you should walk away. If you hate her now, at 2.5 years, you'll want to kill her later on... You say you are well suited for each other, but feeling the way you do toward a small child, means you are probably not really well suited. Does not mean at all that you are bad, not by any means, Just means you need a chance to make your own family and not take on what is left of another one. You are so young and this will steer your life on a much more difficult road.
I am really starting to believe that men with children should really try and find women that also have children, at least that way both partners come with kids, baggage and all that.

You are not a horrible person. A horrible person would not feel bad for saying those things. Unfortunately, they are a package deal. If you want to be with him, you have to accept his child. If you can't stand the sight of her, that will hurt your SO and eventually the child and you will be miserable. Is that really the way you want to start a marriage? How long have you and SO been together?

Only you can decide what to do, but if you want the freedom to come and go as you please, insta-family isn't the best choice for you. Especially with a small child that needs so much care. One other thing to think about...what if something happened and your SO ended up with full custody of his daughter? She would be there 24/7. If you read posts here, it does happen. Are you willing to deal with that? I know, lots to think about. Good luck and keep us updated!

Your feelings are normal. this is my second time being in a relationship with a man who had stepkids. you are still young enough to find a man without children to have your own family with----this is the best advise I can give. I luv my husband but has a kid and ex wife from before and that means your every other weekend plans will be altered. I am going to a wedding alone this weekend cause my hubby has his kid. I go to many events without a husband cause it is his weekend. then there is the driving back and forth to get the kid, and the never endidng child-support and college. I have been dealing with this for a alomst 11 years now and it does not get any better. I hate it---but deal with it. I am old and run down---if I leave him---i'll just end up with another guy with kids and an ex---unless I get extreamly lucky and some young man wants me--but I dont see that happening.

Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourself to "bond" with her? Why not just relax? Give yourself permission to not spend every second with this kid and doing "family" things. If you want to sleep past 6am do so-let him get up and take the kid to the park while you enjoy a lovely morning of sleeping in.

Difficult one. It is not easy.

I split up from my previous partner (12yrs older than me) when I was 38. We had more or less turned into flatmates, not fighting or anything, but I stayed with him for much longer than I should have. I knew if I was to start dating again (and someone closer to my own age), then more likely than not, they would come with baggage at some level.

I do not have any kids, and I knew I would not deal at all well with someone else's and all the crap that goes with it.

I was quite clear that if I met someone who had kid/s that lived with him most/all of the time, that even he ticked all the boxes, I was not prepared to go there. Purely for selfish reasons.

Then, I met the most wonderful man, who had a 12yo daughter that lived full time with her mother, a long way away. So, I did not even have to deal with weekends, BONUS!!

Their breakup was fairly amicable, so not many issues there, I couldn't believe how lucky I was.

After we had been dating for about 7 months, BM decided (for whatever reason) that daughter should come and live with her father fulltime. I was mortified, problem was we had been dating long enough for me to realise he was the man for me. Ticked all the boxes and then some. At 38, I wanted my next relationship to see me through to the end!!

So, I had a choice, to stay or to go (we weren't living together at the stage and he lived 2 hours away). So, I decided to give it a go. Weekends revolved around her, but it was the only time I got to see him, so I dealt with it.

Then after about 8 months, they moved in. That was over 3 years ago, SD is now 15. I'm lucky that I don't have a psycho BM to deal with and all in all SD is ok as far as teenagers go.

Do I love her? No. Am I supposed to? No.

Do I want her here? No.

Do I resent having to deal with 2 extra people (BM & SD) and my partner only has me? Yes. (At my age thought that would be a given).

Do I feel guilty for feeling this way? Yes.

Have I tried to make an effort to change the way I feel? Yes.

SD and BM are really the only things we have arguments about, I realise they are not going to go away. So I have had to learn how to adjust my behaviour to a certain extent so as not to be seen to be rocking the boat. I can still think "things" though!!

My partner is VERY patient with me and does his best to try and understand my point of view. I also understand that he also feels a bit stuck in the middle at times.

Anyway, the difference is that, in a couple of years, she will move out, there is a small glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. You have a very long road ahead of you. Do you argue about her and/or BM?

I did not choose her and she did not choose me, the one important thing we have in common is her father who happens to be the man I love.

Ahhh, the good ol' saying "head vs heart" might be appropriate here. I wonder which one will win in the end.

There's a hard way and a less hard way. Is it this particular child, or would it be any child? Is it the situation as a whole that is the problem, rather than the SD and BM as individuals?

Anyhow, enough from me,
Keep us posted x

My dear I relate to absolutely everything you just said. I am 27 and married now for the past 4 months. I started dating my husband when I was 21, he was 25 and his daughter was 2 years old. In the beginning I just let him bear all of the responsibility. On nights he had his daughter I would go out with girlfriends or do my own thing. I moved in with him after we were together for just 5 months. It was definitely not easy getting used to a 2 year old coming into our bedroom crying in the middle of the night, or her waking us up before 7am on weekends. My man is very good with his daughter and would take care of her without expecting me to do much but it was still bothersome at times. His daughter also looks like a spitting image of her Mother and I struggled with that A LOT too. I worried that when he would say his daughter was so beautiful, was he also thinking about how her mother was pretty too since they looked SO much alike? I was resentful that he had been married before and had experienced his first child with his ex-wife and I would never have those "firsts" with him. I was also resentful that he and I couldn't just do whatever we wanted at any moment, we always had to plan around his daughter or his ex-wife. It took a long time for me to get past those resentments and I won't say that those feelings don't creep up again every now and then. I joined this website about a year and a half ago and it really helped me. Reading the stories of other step parents that were in similar situations was a relief!! I come here to vent when I can't say what I am really thinking to my friends or family and definitely my husband. It does get better. But I honestly don't think it is ever an easy road. You will always have to deal with his child and his ex. Our BM is a nightmare from hell and she doesn't try to work with us at all. It is stressful but I don't get as mad as I used to. If you truly love your man and cannot imagine life without him, you will learn to deal with your resentments and emotions and you will find your way and eventually get past them! Don't beat yourself up for how you feel. Many of us have felt the exact same way. What also helped me was going to the library and checking out some books on step parenting. I would suggest reading "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin. Good Luck!!

They don't get any more loveable the older they get! I don't like my SD, nevermind love her. I'm glad I didn't meet her until she was 15. She's now 20, and not one ounce better.

Unfortunately you can't help who you fall in love with. Do I wish I found a man without a kid? Hell yes.