SO can't say no to Skids
I sometimes wonder if SO or BM told Skids no if they would burst into flames or melt into a puddle.
I normally don't care because it's his money he is wasting on ungrateful children.
But now he's brining me into it and I'm starting to get pissed.
SD is 11 now and is getting close to my size. SO is starting to think SD can just have any of my stuff she wants...And he doesn’t see it. He thinks I'm over reacting.
Just a few examples in the last couple of months.
Hat day at SD school. She says nothing about it until I leave for work. Then I start getting text from SO asking if SD can wear a straw hat I bought while in Key West. Hell No. It was expensive AND it's mine.
I was in GA for training for 30 days. SO kept texting me about SD borrowing one of my dive shirts. I said only one (even though I didn't want to allow even that) but he won't let it go. He kept texting me that I had some with tags still on them and some I probably can't fit into anymore. So what, it's my clothes. I told him to stop raiding my closet and he got pissed AT ME!
A few weeks ago, SO and I were cleaning out our closet and reorganizing. Now, I have a thing for shoes. I had to get rid of a lot and with the extra expensive of living with someone with kids, I don't have nearly as many as I used to or would like to. SO starts talking about how SD will be in my shoe size probably by the end of the school year and I can give her a bunch of my tennis shoes. Hell No.
The very next weekend, SO is in SD's room helping her pick out clothes to take to BM's house (because like most people on this website, we have to supply CS and clothes/shoes for both houses or they would be wearing rags). SO and SD come out of her room with a pair of my shoes and ask if she can borrow them. I said she probably wouldn't fit in them. She wears a 6, I wear 7.5. Oh no, she already tried them on and they fit. I was immediately mad. Don't ask SO and SD, just try on my shit like it belongs to you. I said "Fine, but I want them back."....Remember, he said "borrow" ---Now SO is mad because I want MY shoes back and says "I'll just take her to the store and buy her a pair" I guess in Skid world borrow means have.
It's not like I'm an evil SM. I bought SD a bunch of school clothes while I was in GA. I bought her $500 worth of clothes for Christmas. I have given her clothes that I don’t wear anymore or I think she would like. I have even given the girl some of my jewelry. But I guess that's not enough.
I love SD and I don't mind giving and sharing but it has to be something I want, not something SO thinks he can force on me....AND he should know by now, don't mess with my shoes!
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Comments
Oh no, you have to teach SO
Oh no, you have to teach SO no means NO. Quit giving in. No to the dive shirts means no. No "borrowing" anything ever. Quit giving an inch and then being surprised when they expect a mile.
Maybe you need to have a talk
Maybe you need to have a talk with her (in a kind manner) about respecting other's belongings. Yes this should be your DH's job but you know he doesn't have the balls to do it.
Just tell her that your belongings are NOT community property. That sometimes you will lend her something but that she is always to ask YOU - not your DH. And that sometimes the answer will be no. And when the answer is no she is not to question it. You do not have to justify it to her.
Ask her how she'd feel if you took a bunch of her favorite clothes with you on one of your trips.
You can do this without being mean. And if your DH gives you shit about it just tell him to STFU.
This is a life lesson that she needs to learn anyway.
You cannot let them borrow
You cannot let them borrow ANYTHING. I've learned this the hard way.
DP didn't see the issue with the SDs getting into my makeup and face stuff last year. Had a long conversation with him about 1) stay out means just that 2) no means no 3) it's not healthy to use someone else's products 4) It's EXPENSIVE and 5) no, you don't just go buy some for them; say NO.
I ended up locking things up.
SD11, then 10, borrowed one of my t-shirts last year. Came home to her wearing it like a tunic top. Had a little discussion with her about borrowing things w/out asking. She hasn't done it since.
I think DP had a convo with them and I haven't had an issue with borrowing or getting into my personal things (the missing office stuff, scissors, tape, staplers, are a new thing that we'll have to converse about now...same issue but less of a hot button for me...don't touch my stuff!).
I am going to have to have a
I am going to have to have a conversation with SD about it. And another with SO.
I already had a talk with her about going in my room. The rule from day one was no Skids in our room. SO kept calling SD in to show her something on the computer. Skids have their own computer and SO has a tablet if he needs to show them something. Anyway, I finally had to tell SD if she went into my room again that I was taking over her room and she could sleep on the couch. I explained to her that I pay half the bills and deserve privacy and my own space just like she had...at both houses. She hasn't done it since. Although I think she was in my room while I was out of town while SO was raiding my closet, but I can't prove it.
Your SD is not your peer, nor
Your SD is not your peer, nor your BFF, she is an 11 year old girl and your SO has no business expecting that you should let her borrow your stuff.
Not to mention, does he realize how well 11 year olds take care of things? Especially, other peoples' things? They don't.
But I really feel it makes her think that she is equal to you, that she has as much of a right to your things as you do and your SO is reinforcing that. So what that she is getting close to your size. She is still the child in the household and does not need to be wearing your things.
Silly, Skids are not equal to
Silly, Skids are not equal to the adults....They are way more superior, well above my pay grade.