with Cheri and will add, yes find a someone else to take her to the shower. BF & I both have extremely strong feelings on rewarding bad behavior. It's his biggest fight with BM. I don't care how old a child is, you can find a way to relate to them, as Cheri said, you get what you give.

One day at a time.

I would say..I agree with your counselor..If you get no respect as a parent..don't do anything that being a parent entails..The DH and HIS kids..Don't get it both ways..

If you are not treated with some respect (lets face it even bio kids cant give respect 100% of the time), if you get zero respect or even hostility, you are not the birth parent step back support your dh, but leave it to bm and bf to care for and instill morals. Some days it will be soo hard you may think you are loosing your mind.

DJ

I'm not sure if you have read my previous blogs but I am also going through the same situation. Only difference is I am elated that my step daughter does not come to our house anymore. It is such a stress free environment now. We have custody of one of the children (14 yr male) and BM has custody of the 2 younger ones (8yr old male and evil 11 yr old SD) }:) . Now when the little boy (8yr old) comes over we all have a relaxed weekend and actually enjoy ourselves without the DRAMA brought by the SD. She was also making acusations that I was mean to her when her dad was not around and she would tell her mom that I was also talking about her. Of course that made BM want to fight because she is uneducated and ghetto. It was just one thing after another. My hubby finally told her if she can't act right then she is better off not coming anymore and then she said "good because she never wanted to come over in the first place and she never will again". BOO HOO. Of course I feel a little sad for my hubby but he is just focusing on parenting his boys and praying that soon we can have a little one of our own. Trust me when I say that you are doing right by NEVER being alone with her at all. Who knows what twisted stories she can make up and get you into a lot of trouble. I know she is young and confused and brain washed by her mother but c'mon she is going to be 12 this September and she is old enough to think for herself. Am I being too hard about this? I'm sorry its just I have gone through 7 years doing everything for that girl and trying to make her love me but I realized that it will never happen as long as her mother hates my guts. I am much more at ease now that I don't have to worry about that anymore.

A few years ago, the girls started acting a little funny and I got a huge rush of stepmother's intuition, so I told my husband that I didn't want to be left alone with the kids when they are with us. I'd just given birth, so I had a good excuse, but I wouldn't even let him run out to the store for five minutes. Good thing, because after that visit, we got a phone call from an enraged BM, screaming and cursing that I had hit one of the kids. Yeah, right! My happy ass was parked in the rocking chair with my newborn attached to one boob or the other for 99.9% of the entire visit and my husband never left me alone with them once. (How many of you know that it is, in fact, possible to go take a leak while holding a nursing infant?) I think this was one of those things that really cemented in DH's mind the fact that BM was totally out to get us and it did change the tenor of how we deal with the her and the kids. Anyway, my bottom line on this one is that if you suspect something hinky going on, then don't be alone with the kids. I also agree with taking a step back and letting them deal with this issue, since it is, ultimately, their responsibility. There's such a thing as give and take and if you are doing more giving while she's doing nothing but taking, it's only self-preservation to withhold that.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)