I decided to take a break from posting for a while, I don't even really remember the last I posted. I had been overwhelming myself with googling resources and trying to find the answers to all my BM problems online. I focused more on myself, my SO, and had a decent holiday season.

We still haven't seen OSD13. She stopped coming with SS14 and YSD10 in September. She texted SO a list of reasons, met up with him once and told him that it had nothing to do with us she was just tired of BM yelling at her, then texted a while later that SO doesn't provide for her (this was the same weekend SS asked SO if he was trying to get more time with them only to lower child support). She didn't come for any holidays so we sent our gifts to her home with SS and YSD, and was told she liked them by YSD. I'm skeptical and think YSD might be embellishing and I think it's so she doesn't see SO sad. She mentioned recently that OSD wants to start visiting again, she just doesn't know how because it's embarrassing and she most likely doesn't want to have any type of private talk with SO.  SO had texted OSD and asked to drop off her gifts to her so he could see her, and she did not respond. After Christmas, he just texted that he loves her and hopes he can see her. She responded and said she would let him know when she was ready. 

I'm in therapy and we're moving forward. Trying to get into any type of holiday spirit was tough and SO and I had to force ourselves a bit to get a tree and decorate. It has been our tradition since we've been together, but it was a little less enjoyable this year. Buying gifts felt more like a chore. But once the time came, seeing the skids have a good time with family here, made it better. It also helped that SO and I had a paid week off of work! SO has one (hopefully) last court date with BM coming soon. She is fighting tooth and nail against any additional overnights for no reason (read: child support). 

Other than OSD, the holidays were pretty great with the skids. We had them 4th and 5th weekend and BM actually followed a schedule and let SO know that he is to pick them up Christmas morning at 8am and she would pick them up 8pm. Christmas Eve was Sunday and SO had asked to keep them later into the day so she could just keep them through Christmas (when her family usually celebrates), but I guess BM had plans and we had them last Christmas Eve and we're the only side that actually plays fair. We veered from tradition this year as SO's family usually opens gifts midnight on Christmas Eve. We had the skids' cousins come over 12/22 Friday evening to play games and open gifts. I made the mistake of waiting until the day of to create the saran wrap ball game, so I was exhausted quite early, but it's always a good time. We wanted them to be able to enjoy the gifts throughout the weekend. SS seemed more excited about clothes and cologne than the guitar amp! YSD was excited for everything. 

SS14 currently has a girlfriend of 2 months-ish. He is absolutely smitten. SO and I have met her and her mom and let SS hang out with her. Once it was at her house and once it was in our home. This info is important. When I dropped SS off at her home, I made sure to meet the mom, get her number, and just make sure everything is cool. (I only asked for her number because BM is scheming to force SS to stop visiting SO by taking his phone every time he stays with us, meaning no contact with friends or girlfriend... despite us trying to get the skids a phone and BM not allowing it at her home. SS has found a way around it though.) SO had taken YSD to a local themepark and SS didn't want to go, most likely because he wouldn't have been able to have constant contact with gf. The second time, SS asked if gf could come over. SO was hesitant but allowed it for a test run. SS and gf watched tv, hung out in the backyard trying random sports, and we ended up taking them with YSD and a cousin to an arcade. 

So, all that SS and gf stuff is important, because we found out that BM has been grilling/manipulating YSD for information. We never tell them to not tell BM anything, but they have been trained by BM not to tell us anything. YSD is usually the one to spill the beans in private though so we're not surprised. When SO picked them up yesterday, SS was in a mood and told SO he wanted to talk to him in private. Apparently, BM was upset and had said "So your dad told me that he got to meet your gf's mom. What's up with that? Am I not part of this?". First, SO and BM have not spoken or had a conversation in a year, outside of when to pick up or not to pick up the kids. SS knew that, but needed to confirm. After the confrontation, SS and BM had an argument that is always the same, how SO left her and them and that BM does everything for them and carried them for 9 months, SS talked back, and then BM grounded him for a month, no phone and no walking gf home after school... all because SO met gf's mom first. I wish I was making this up.

Who is gonna tell her that I was actually the one to meet her first? Not me!

SS doesn't blame YSD. He already knows she's pretty vulnerable when it comes to BM. She's begun biting her fingernails again and is the only kid that is eager to go back to school. SS just wanted to vent and hates that BM takes our her hate for SO on the kids. SO handles it much better than I would. SS mentioned that BM has shown him the door plenty of times and told him he can leave whenever he wants. I want to tell him to just go for it. He knows how to get to our house, he knows his dad's number. SO just tells him to keep standing up for himself. He won't tell them to rebel because it's "bad parenting". Ugh, I guess. SS said he couldn't believe that he had 3 more years of her. I just want to yell that it's not true and look at what OSD is doing!! No one is making her see us!! 

On the upside: SS and YSD have begun personalizing their rooms more. I think having his gf over has jump started a cleanliness streak in SS. He did all his laundry, bed sheets and all, folded all his clothes, and even made a little snack bar in his room from all the candy he got from Christmas. I had printed out some pictures for YSD because she gifted a picture frame to SO and I ended up going through my entire phone. I gave extras to the skids and SS decided to do a collage on a wall in his room (no doubt inspired by gf) and YSD decided that she wanted to do that too. I took them to print their own pictures and pick up a few posters and now their rooms actually look like they belong to them! 

For the final update, SS was playfully heated in a convo with one of his aunts on Christmas day and it ended with SS revealing that his step sister, BM's SD, stopped visiting and they haven't seen her since August! She told her dad to f-- off and never came back. SS said, with a smile on his face, that he cried because he went to court to fight for her. I was empathetic. While the situations are not exactly the same, OSD still hasn't come to see SO. It sucks. Then I realized the timing was suspicious because it was right before OSD stopped visiting us. SO's a little worried that it'll get brought up in court, but I see it more as BM not following the CO and making OSD visit. 

I know holidays were tough for a lot of people here.. glad we're all past it! Hope you're all surviving too!