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Serious illness and steps

napamom's picture

Submitted by napamom on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 12:43pm

I haven't posted in awhile (not that things are better but more resigned to it maybe) but I was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer and I don't want my 15 yr old SD to know mostly because I don't want the BM to know.

My DH thinks it would soften the SD to me and improve our relationship but I know she would be secretly delighted. He's just too naive to see that. The thought of me dying would be a dream come true for her. I told him it's not about that it's about my privacy and what I want. He did agree with that and will keep it private.

The problem is it may get pretty tough keeping it private when the treatments start. I just f'ing hate that I can't have this to myself and the awful BM may find out about it. Another wonderful part of being a SM.

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 12:51pm

(((HUGS))) Very sorry to hear about your illness. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I too would want any illness kept quiet from the skids. And I think 3/4 skids would feel the same way you said your SD would feel.

Do what you feel is right for you. If nothing good would come out of SD knowing, then there is no reason to tell her right now. Maybe you will change your mind down the road, and if so fine.

StepKat's picture

Submitted by StepKat on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 12:56pm

You are in my thoughts and prayers hun. Breast cancer runs in my family.

To be honest, fuck what your BM knows or doesn’t know. By all means, keep this matter private but if your SD and BM find out don’t let it bother you. Who cares what they think! Who cares how they feel! Don’t give them a second thought! If they are “happy” you are ill then that’s their own fault they have no heart. Focus on yourself and those around you who love you and support you.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 1:06pm

So sorry for what you are going through.... and I want to smack your husband for suggesting that you use your diagnosis as a carrot to dangle in hopes of "softening SD to you" ...that is just wrong on so many levels.

PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 2:05pm

Thoughts and hugs go out to you.

I'm so sorry and wish you strength to get through this.

Yosemite's picture

Submitted by Yosemite on Tue, 11/04/2014 - 2:07pm

I am sorry you are going through this. Don't let issues with the BM and skids stress you out. You need all of your strength, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels. Focus on you and your family!

napamom's picture

Submitted by napamom on Wed, 11/05/2014 - 8:45am

Thank you all so much for your advice, kind words, and prayers. My sisters aren't SM's so they don't get this. Only other stepmom's do. It is stage one so I am fully confident I can beat this and move on. I will simply take the telling/not telling day by day and see how it goes.

Stay strong all.