Birthday Disaster
My 2 step daughters turn 16 in November and we have been planning a Halloween Sweet Sixteen for almost 1 year and 6 months now. All planning and payments have been done by me out of my own paycheck (DH takes care of the household bills). BM said from the beginning that she does not want to pay for the party and even said that she would not be attending due to here religion not celebrating birthdays.
Well... now just a couple of weeks before the big day she decides that she wants to play party planner and grilled me for hours about miniscule details. "What colors are the napkins?" "What is the kids menu?" "Did you order enough invitations?" And even gave me a guest list of 75 we have never even met! Mind you this sweet 16 was budgeted and set for 100. A lot of our family is actually joining through zoom to be cautious (covid sucks!)
I naturally reminded her that she had declined her invitation and her new husband is actually not even invited.
She has now threatened not let the girls go to their own sweet 16.... some people just cant let others have fun.
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What a beeatch
So she went from my religion states we don't celebrate to head party planner ? Wow. It is a major pet peeve of mine when people use religion like this.
sorry this is happening. You sound like a very nice person handling the party stuff. My best advice is lesson learned and no more planning parties or spending your own money on parties that are not for your own children.
Block this crazy lady. You cannot give a guest list to someone who is throwing and paying for a party you wanted nothing to do with. What an idiot. Let her ex-husband deal with her. He needs to be in touch with her and figure out what the heck is going on with this party. Can you get even a partial refund if you cancel now? And when the girls ask what's going on direct them to their father who should tell them the truth. They can go lash out on their mother instead of taking it out on you guys.
Sadly, i would forfeit about
Sadly, i would forfeit about 80% since it is around 8 weeks from event date. Since if does include catering and special cakes and decorators canceling is out of the question. I had a conversation with DH about this after dinner and he will be "talking" to her this weekend.
Cancel the party
Tell SD's You are not playing BM games. If BM wants to pay for part of the party. Then it's back on the way she wants it
Is the party scheduled during your DH's custody time?
Is the party scheduled during your DH's custody time? If so, that will make it more difficult for BM to keep two 16 year olds from leaving the house to go their party.
Quit discussing the party with BM. If she wants to invite 75 people to a party, she can have her own.
I had a similar experience...
Our BM is a c*not, too...
My SD ( now 23) had asked her mother to host a Sweet 16 party for her, which BM refused and after her dropping hints for weeks, I mentioned it to my husband who agreed if I would do the actual planning...
Once BM found out what we were planning, she contacted me and thanked me for " helping" and although she said that she had no money she had a lot of demands, like needing round tables instead of the rectangle ones that the firehouse event hall would provide and also the firehouse wasn't good enough and although we had already left a deposit, BM and SD were out scouting " better locations" ) on our dime so SD and her " girls" could make an ' entrance'...
She tried to double the guest list from 50 ( including friends and family) to over 100 to include her new husband's family, she recruited her new SIL.to make cupcakes that she wanted arranged in the shape of a high heel shoe, she had other ideas for the DJ, the food and trying to pin her down for an actual party date that they would agree to was like nailing jello to a wall so finally, I just told my husband that because BM was trying to call every shot without investing a dime, I was no longer open to participate in the planning.
I emailed BM and told her that it was clear that she was struggling with allowing us to make any sort of decisions regarding the party and I thought it best to remove myself from the situation and do only what my husband specifically asked of me and I wished her luck on HER party and reminded her that my husband had a budget of $1500 that he could afford and to plan accordingly...
Needless to say the party never happened and SD blames me to this day for 'ruining' her birthday.
She now lives halfway across the country with a boyfriend and she has been 'too busy' to see my husband in over 3 years but doesn't forget to call him in mid Autumn to ask for money for snow tires for her 'early' Christmas gift ( which she has apparently spent on tattoos because she's literally covered with them now) and then we normally don't hear from her again until spring when she asks for more money for her birthday.
This year, I told him that she's getting the same amount for Christmas as we give the other FIVE adult children and not a check for $500 like she's gotten from him for the last several years since she's got all that.money for tattoos. Surprisingly,He agreed.
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Welcome to the site!
A lesson learned from this, albeit an expensive one. Never invest financially or emotionally in anything like this again.
SMH you should have left thus
SMH you should have left thus up to the parents.
Give BM half of the receipts
Give BM half of the receipts you have used for the party. "I'm SO glad you will be celebrating with us. Here are half the receipts for everything that has been purchased." Then see if she still wants to celebrate with you.
Firstly I would inform sd's
Firstly I would inform sd's that their mother is making it impossible for the party to go ahead, esp as she is threatening to stop them attending...I would then have the party for another reason. You can't cancel so you might as well enjoy what you have paid for.