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mtower1's picture

Submitted by mtower1 on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 4:28am

Me:32 year old Male: short temper, snap if kids piss me off, last few months of degree getting to me (college since 2005, depressed, broke, tired of it; Blended Family: 2nd marriage, wife and SD and my son from previous marriage. 11 year old SD has ADHD: Mouthy, horrible ES&D "looks", unruly, bad hygiene, disrespectful to parents, disregard for responsibility and throws massive fits with pitiful cry. 10 year old son: generally internalizes his stress until it comes out in an explosive cry/yell or as unruly behavior in class (refusing to do work), lies, feels sister is the important one because she gets "the attention" in the afternoon and sees that she generally gets away with murder (with her mom) and mostly despises me. Neither kid has chores or is responsible for their messes. 32 year old wife: VERY depressed/depressing and rarely says/looks happy, pain in the butt with parenting, doesn't make kids do anything hardly unless shes being a raving lunatic, sits around to do nothing but watch TV/Internet after work/weekends, but at the same time genuinely cares about the well being of the kids but is saying she never gets time for her or can do anything for her self though she refuses to do things for herself when she can (even wrapped and hand delivered) because she says she'd be acting selfish, martyr much.

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Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 01/08/2012 - 1:22pm

Welcome, I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from others living the blended family adventure.

Okay, I get your frustration. My wife and I met the last semester of my 11yr undergrad career and her first semester in college. We have been married for almost 18 years.

When we married I was 4yrs post divorce from my adulterous XW who I was married to for 2.5 year, my wife was 23mos post birth of our son (my SS) and 1.5 years post DickHead SpermIdiot though they were never married.

We married 5mos after I graduated from college. For the first 9 years of our marriage one or the other of us was in college or grad school.

Though my wife and both love school it is very stressful and even more stressful with you have a marriage and kid(s) to raise. Throw in the stress of a blended family situation and shit is downright crazy. In your situation it is even more insane because you and your DW both have non joint children and Xs to deal with.

Now for the good news. You are so very close to the begining of your professional life and a new economic condition for your family. You are at a very exciting place and you all can make an amazing life from this point forward.

I would take some time to sit down with your DW to start developign your next 5yr plan with goals for each of you, for you both together and for your family as a whole.

This helps you put each other and your marriage first and allows you to be equity partners in your marriage and life and equity parents to your children as partners.

The marriage has to be the priority for both of you. The kids will benefit from your strong marital partnership but they are not part of hte marriage nor do they take priority.

So when is graduation and more importantly .... when do you start grad school. Oh ya. And when do you start your new lucrative job?

Best regards,