I wonder how much the skids will appreciate his efforts.
He's put all this effort into making this dish, will they even care?

I will teach my kids to eat Dad's food and request his food.... this way I'm off cooking duty }:)

I honestly think this is as much as honoring and doing something to keep his mother's memory alive vs doing it "for" the skids etc...

He isn't making cabbage, he is making a stand in for his mom.. so it has to be perfect.

OP to clarify... you do not have a problem with the religions in the family, the problem is DH breaking his back suddenly for his first family traditions while he never even cooked on Easter/Christmas/normal dinner/lunch for his other daughters?

It feels like its less about tradition and religion and more about who you care to spend your time on
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That is exactly what it is. Did you call him on it?

I would be so hurt. He apparently can cook. And he can cook well. But he won’t do it for you or your family, just for his ex wife and their kids. No Bueno!

And I may be the only one that feels this way but I would be livid if my DH started spending holidays with his ex wife. There are several important Jewish holidays during the year. Is he going to go to every one of them with BM? This would be a hill for me. They are not married and they will not do holidays together.

What if they were all Christian and he wanted to spend the first part of Christmas with you, (and you do all the cooking) and then he spend the other half of the day with BM and their kids playing happy family after he cooked for them.

And it is not jealously. Ok maybe a little bit to be honest, I mean…he is treating his first family way better that the OP, but it is mainly about respect. He is playing happy family with BM. They should have stayed married in that case.

She already tried to get him to cook for her/her family and he said no.

I am not religious but traditional and love celebrating the Jewish holidays. No one else in my family is that way since my mom passed away. For a few years I did not celebrate any of the holidays because no one else was around. Now that I am older my friends and I will get together cook and host for the holidays. My Christian friends love coming and celebrating in the traditions because they never experienced it.

I think if OP's kids are old enough your DH can engage them in helping with the cooking. He can tell them stories of his childhood and what it was like when his mom made the stuffed cabbage. I always loved learning about my family history. These are also traditions to pass down to your children. They should also be aware of their Jewish heritage along with their Christian one. He can tell them the story of the Afikoman and how all the kids at the end of the night get to look for it and whomever finds it gets a prize (usually money). That was always a fun game to play.

I myself miss so many traditions my mom and I did around the holidays and none of them were religious.

I can see this all hurting the OP and it seems like he is putting more effort into his older children. However, it may be cathartic for him in remembering his own childhood and honoring his mother. I don't know the back story but why are you and your children not going to Passover with him?

I think if OP's kids are old enough your DH can engage them in helping with the cooking. He can tell them stories of his childhood and what it was like when his mom made the stuffed cabbage. I always loved learning about my family history
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And then what? Then he tell the little ones... "Welp, Im off to let my ex wife eat the food you just help prepare. See ya."

Hell no.

I would tell DH that he needs to practice making DD's favorite meal because he is now the designated birthday cook.

If this was about honoring his Mom, he would have been doing this all along.

It's one thing to try and bond with your child. But it becomes something different when that involves alienating other family not to mention cooking for and spending time with BM.

Is Mrs. Z supposed to sit home with her DDs thinking how nice it is that DH is still acting married to BM?

OK..lets take religion out of this for a moment. Lets just say the DH has decided to spend every non-religious holiday with his ex-wife and their adult kids.

MLK day, Veterans day, Memorial, Labor day ect. And he will cook for each of those holidays that he is having with his ex wife and kids. Would it still be ok to those of you that think this is all A ok?

Edit to add...not really the cooking part but the part about playing happy first family is what would make me want to puke.

I know A. But I think that is what a lot of posters are hung up on.

Is it possible he's doing this more to honor his mother in making this dish than the skids, religion and BM? My MIL had a signature dish when she was alive, and making and perfecting that dish every holiday season, using a recipe written in her handwriting is therapeutic for DH and is his way of honoring and remembering her for the holiday.

I know it is hard not to read too much into it, but try not. Things don't have to be exactly equal to be fair. I'm sure there are things he does for your children now that he did not for his older children.

Clearly Mr. Zipper has two families. There might be a back story why they didn't blend. I imagine he is feeling a lot of things. His daughter is pregnant. That and the weddings might be making him miss his old traditions more.
You need to accept or reject that he has two families and move on from there. I think you should ask him to help out with the birthday meals if it bothers you. As for not wanting to cook for your sister's Easternmeal, I get it. I cook for my side, my husband cooks for his.

My bet would be that this particular DH was probably just making it bad so he would not have to cook again.

Have you heard about people like that? They play dumb or stupid so that we don't ask them to do it again. I mean really...what does it take to make burgers or things like that? He pretended to SUCK at cooking so that OP would do all the cooking from now on. Very manipulative.

DH doesn't cook.

In the 10 years we've been together he's made chilli twice and has flipped a couple of burgers and chicken on the BBQ.
It's okay because I enjoy cooking and if I don't feel like it we will go out to eat or order in.

If he suddenly decided that he needed to learn how to make his mothers cabbage rolls for his kids, BM and their extended family I would be upset. I think even if I was invited to said event I would still be upset.
Add in that he doesn't want to even try to make something for my family and we would have a problem.

I'm not Jewish and don't know much about the religion so I can't opine on the importance of the food and the religious event.

I just know that I would be feeling marginalized and unimportant in his life.

I had to look up Cabbage Rolls - and now I am drooling.

I am Jewish, raised Jewish, raised my DD Jewish etc

My DH (not DDs father) is Christian. So are SDs.
I am of course respectful of Christianity or christians but have no connection to Christianity or Christian holidays. I wouldn't know what to cook and when and what etc it's not because I am disrespectful but because I just don't particularly connect to it enough to orchestrate anything. I can attend but certainly more as s guest. I bet your DH cooks those dishes because that's his culture and not because of skids or BM.

PS i make good stuffed cabbage, just like my grandmas but I don't like eating them. Not fan of cabbage