How Do I Deal With This?
I am newly married since January. My husband has a 5yo son from another relationship (he was never married to the child's mother). I want to know why I would be jealous of the child. I love him to death but my husband seems more focused on his son than me. We never do anything just the two of us together and it makes me feel like he's ashamed of me. I know I shouldn't be jealous but I can't help feeling like his son means everything to him and I mean nothing. I feel like the main thing is we have been trying for our own baby since before we got married for about the last 5 or 6 months or so and it hasn't happened yet. I feel bad because besides his grandmother and aunts I am about the closest thing he has to a mother. If someone could give me some insight as to why I could be feeling this way it would be greatly appreciated.
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I understand what you are
I understand what you are going through to an extent. My DH and I married this past September. He has an almost 5 year old son from a previous relationship, never married to BM. We only get SS every weekend, hence my statement of to an extent. I always pictured that the first part of marriage would be all about DH and I. I find, however, that we are always focused on SS. I wonder how SS is doing when we don't have him because BM is crazy and SS isn't getting the care that he needs. I feel selfish when I tell DH that I want a weekend for us. We only get that, maybe once or twice a year. With DH and I both working full time, there is little time for us to relax and be a couple the way I always pictured things would be.
This may be where your jealousy comes from. I tend to do better with SS when my DH isn't here. My maternal instict takes over as I am the sole caregiver at that time. It gives me time to bond with SS. Maybe you could join one of those Mommy & Me type classes. I would love to do that with SS, but only having him on weekends makes that very difficult.
I know it isn't easy. You really need to make an effort to get over the jealousy. I still strugle with it. But I tell myself, this is what is best for SS and SS needs to know that there is a place he can go that is safe. If you and your DH have full custody, you should talk to him about finding a sitter for a weekend and going away. Explain to him that you are feeling like you aren't getting the attention you want. Explain that in no way do you want him to neglect his duties as a father, but he needs to balance being a father with being a husband.
I felt that way when I first
I felt that way when I first married my husband. My SS was 2 at the time. I gave up my job and moved a couple states from home to be with them. DH has full custody.
Sometimes I still feel jealous even tho we've been together two years now and I'm mom to SS.
The problem is that you and your DH aren't doing anything together. You need to sit down with your DH and plan a date night every week so you can have some time alone as a couple.
My DH and I have a date night every week and once a month grandma or grandpa get to keep SS overnight and DH and I will go out to a nice restaurant and go dancing and sometimes even get a nice hotel room jus to spice things up.
Its important especially with a marriage as new as yours to spend time together...
and spending some romantic time alone may be just the thing to help you put a bun in the oven.
This is excellent advice.
This is excellent advice. Make time for the marriage. That is incredibly important. Time away will help reduce the stress, frustration and hopefully some of the jealousy.