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Should i stay or should i go ?

mrs h number4's picture

My husbands daughter gets married in a few weeks, and invited her dad and me along with my son's and grandson to her wedding.
As the day gets closer my anxiety grows deeper, just being in the same room with all his ex in-laws and his ex wife is filling me with dread!
I admitted i dont want to attend to my husband last night and now he is barely speaking to me.
I am only being honest about how this is making me feel, i am not great in large social gatherings as it is and find such occasions claustrophobic especially with a room full of people i don't know and are all his ex in-laws.
I know this is causing problems, and I know I should just go and be an adult about it all, but my own children have completely flatly refused to go too.
I have said if I go I will only go to the wedding and not the function afterwards.His daughter said they have the function running til midnight and if my husband stays there until then, I just know he's as good as saying he'd rather be with them rather than me! The whole thing is making me miserable and confused :? :?


onebanana's picture

What is your stepdaughter like? What's your relationship with her like?
Does she really want you to be there, or it's just courtesy for her father?

sterlingsilver's picture

I have this very event creeping up in the near future. Dh's only daughter, and mom to his only grandson, is starting to talk wedding. I will have TWO bm's there, the real bm who was dh's first wife of one year and mom to his lovely daughter, and step bm, who thinks she is all that and something more but really is only a drunk and has abandoned ss16 so she is nothing, but I still will have to be in the same room with 2 bms. When I write bm in my notes at work it means bowel movement b/c I am a home health aide and so I always think of bm as just that. also your dh chose you and loves you for a reason and he is going to want to have you be his side, even if you just quietly sip on wine and do idle chit chat with someone next to you, just go for him and like someone said earlier, if it's possible, bow out early, but go! I'm actually evil enough to go even if sd was a b!tch and had not invited me, family is family, and you are now dh's wife!!

Come to think of it, at my own (1st) wedding my brother's first wife showed up with my nieces and my bro showed up with his current gf. She must have felt out of place poor girl. She only stayed for the ceremony though.

oldone's picture

Do not sip on wine if you take a xanax.

I think your sons should go to support you.

Justme54's picture

What is the history with your SD? Has she been the princess that thinks of daddy only as ATM machine? Are you invited only because daddy is paying for the wedding and she feels she has to invite you?

If you have issues with SS, I can understand you not wanting to go. If dealing with alot of people is your issue, I would advise you to just regroup and be there for your husband.

As for having ANY class, I think most people need to know ALL the facts before being so closed minded to judge.

Myself, I think weddings are over rated.

kathc's picture

She invited you and your kids. I think that sounds like she's trying to be decent, though we dont' have enough info here to really have a good idea of the dynamics.

If your kids don't want to go, fine. But they should send a congratulatory card at least.

You should go with your husband. Put on your game face and go. DO NOT make him choose between his daughter's wedding and you. You'll lose no matter what he chooses.

Bojangles's picture

I agree with other posters. I know it will not be very relaxing, but you should go, it's the right thing to do. And you should not put your husband on the spot and make an issue out of his staying at the reception. This is his daughters wedding day, it is not the time to create a battle of loyalty. Several SM's on here either didn't get invited to their stepchilds wedding, or paid for it and were unappreciated, or turned up and were excluded from photos, or had their children uninvited from the wedding. Right now your SD is looking pretty good for including you and your children in her big day.

Shook's picture

Mrs. H where in Yorkshire?
Is there perhaps more to the story? You are wife #4. You've also been married once before. Where in Yorkshire because I lived there when I was in my 20s going to university (an American at that---boy did I have to learn to drink warm beer fast!). Yorkshire is bigger than London; however, the towns there are very small & very tight. Are the other ex-wives of you husband going to there? I know it can get to be so claustrophobic especially in small provincial towns in the north of England as everyone knows each others business. And it is a bit rare that a gent is thrice divorced. I feel for you.

whatwasithinkin's picture

im agreeing SA. thought that was brilliant and made a mental note for granduation next year. im not afraid or uncomfortable, but wanting to rip bm's hair out? yean xanax will work

i give sd credit, she did right by inviting everyone, very adult proper move.

do the right thing, you let dh know how you feel now ask him to stick to your side for the day and support you through it.

twopines's picture

Go to the wedding and reception, and enjoy being out with your husband. I went to SS30's wedding, and didn't know a soul except DH snd SD. Yes his ex inlaws were there, but it was no big deal. Just go and enjoy a festive occasion with your husband.