Wife during the week.....a nobody on the weekends
My DH has made it very clear to me that I am basically only going to get his attention as his wife during the week because his kids need it all on the weekends. I wanted to make sure I was understanding him correctly so I asked him, "you mean, I am married to you on the week days but on the weekend i'm not??" He could not disagree with my statement.........just stated that his kids need him and that is where his attention will be and I need to learn to deal with it.
This past weekend he had a hurt back so I told him to stay home and in bed to rest while I drive to pick up the skids (2 hours round trip). He was happy that I did.......... after all, he was in so much pain. Once I arrive home with the skids I am immediately turned into that outsider who lives in the house. Then I guess I brought home some miracle dust or something because we was a little spring chicken the rest of the day! Literally gone ALL day with his kids and did not bother to call me once!!!!!!!!! However, when he walked in the door from their outdoor adventures that lasted all day(they were out looking for crap with medal detectors and digging for treasures).....he wanted to know what was for dinner?? Really????? You can't touch me, speak to me like your wife or even call me but you want dinner ready for when you walk in the door??????
I am so tired of being such the outsider on the weekends. My kids feel it as well!!! I am totally beginning to resent him to the point of no repair!!!!!!!! When the skids leave........he will all of a sudden want that affection from me again. I feel like all I am doing is filling a void in his life. He is afraid to be alone therefor when his kids are not there to consume his every waking moment.....he has me to fall back on. I am so tired of feeling like this!!
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I wouldn't life a frickin'
I wouldn't life a frickin' finger for him ... EVER. I also wouldn't provide him with "wifely duties" EVER.
This is abuse, I'd leave, but that's just me.
I'd be having a talk with
I'd be having a talk with this man... I swear, if my husband ever told me we were only married when X, y or z wasn't around he'd be getting a damn good taste of what that meant. Which to me is he would no longer exist on weekends and I wouldn't be any too fond of him during the week.
There would be no favors being done for this man at all. No taking care of him when he's sick, no picking up the kids, no cooking. Weekend hits, Oh, sorry we're not married right now, I guess you need to figure it all out yourself. And after they left... gee, I'm not used to being married right now, I think I need some time to myself.
I'd be having a come to Jesus meeting with this man of either you are a wife All the time and he treats you and such and his KIDS get 'used to it', or you consider that he committed fraud when he uttered those marriage vows. This man doesn't seem like he wanted a wife, it seems like he wanted a housekeeper and woman in his bed to fulfill what He wants while he disregards any needs of the new family he created.
There is no way I would live like this. Particularly not for my own children to witness and learn from. What an ass.
Where's dinner? What do you
Where's dinner?
What do you mean? (Looking innocent) you said we weren't married on the weekends. Why would you assume that I would make dinner for a platonic roommate and his kids?
And then so nothing for him ever when his kids are there.
I'd stop doing ANYTHING for
I'd stop doing ANYTHING for him at all period. Fuck that shit. He needs to just live with his damn kids...
^^^^^^This^^^^^^^
^^^^^^This^^^^^^^
I am so very sorry you are
I am so very sorry you are going thru this!!!! Id be getting even with him, but thats just me. Hmm. He wants a live in chauffer, maid & cook huh on the weekends? Cool !! Then Id explain to him that during the week You want the same!!!
Either he needs to grow the eff up or Id be splitting!!! You dont deserve to be treated like this hun!!!! What an as$!!! Yep, Itd be the glorious "coming to Jesus" talk & pronto!!! Have you asked him *why* he got remarried then? Ask him what he wants from you....then tell him what he ought to be like to his Wife, You!!!!
Dont take this abuse girl !!!! Your better then that!!! ((HUGS))
So, I guess you can start
So, I guess you can start dating on the weekends?
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING
no more. stop doing for him
no more. stop doing for him in regards to those kids.
wait so your good enough to make them all dinner, and go pick them up sharing because his back doesnt feel good but wait he told you TOLD you like outloud your only his wife during the week.
Ok that's fine you have a ton of great stuff to work with here:
Can you pick up my kids? No Im sorry its Saturday Im not your wife on the weekends.
Whats for dinner? I dont know you should ask your wife, Oh I forgot you dont have one on the weekends
Oh my god he handed you the sword!!! go gettem....
YES! HE stated it out loud!
YES! HE stated it out loud! He said why do I need/want his attention during the weekend when I get it all week? He wants to know why I am "dependent" on him on the weekends. WTF??? REALLY??? I am not dependent on him AT ALL...........I just assumed being married meant married all the time and not just on week days. NOPE! His kids need him! I get that and all but hell............I am still here and I am still your wife.
Perfect example: DH and his skids have just blown up my phone looking for their "go-home" clothes. Literally 6 calls in one minute. Sorry guys, I am at work and can't pick up the phone right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wish I could sit at home all day like you guys and STILL NOT FIND THE CLOTHES THAT ARE FOLDED NICE AND NEAT ON THE SOFA!! The ONLY clothes on the SOFA! BTW: With it being Mardi Gras the skids have been with us all week..........so I am still the off duty wife!
I agree 110%!!! My BF's
I agree 110%!!!
My BF's truck broke down last weekend and he has skid visits every Wedn for 2 hours and EOWE. Do you think I offered to pick up or drop off? NO!!! Do you think BF asked me if I could? NO!!! You know why??? Because the lines and boundaries have been drawn between us a long time ago. His kid is HIS problem!!! He had that kid with someone else therefore that kid is NOT my problem or responsibility to do ANYTHING for!!! EVER!!! And I don't and shouldn't ever feel guilty for it either. I owe his kid and Ex NOTHING!!!
BM got a text right away that his truck broke down and that if skid wanted to come on his visits that she would need to p/u & d/o...and her reply??? She can't because she can't afford the gas it would take to drive 15 minutes away EOWE until he could afford to fix his truck. OH WELL BM & SKID!!! Guess you won't be having your visits then!!! }:)
And I do the same thing...when BF has skid I am MIA!!! I do my own thing and I don't see my BF until skid LEAVES!!! I can't stand the brat and it also gives me a chance to do alot of things that I don't get to do when skid isn't around.
Yall all could not have
Yall all could not have stated it all any better! I wonder why he married me in the first place?? I told him that he is physically incapable of loving me the way I have loved him. I feel used and totally unappreciated. I find that I am so angry most of the time and tend to take it out on my kids. I HATE DOING THAT! It is not fair!
Funny you say that..........I
Funny you say that..........I did the same thing. I use to buy his kids clothes, toys etc.......... Then I realized it was just ME doing this kinds of stuff and I put it to a screeching HALT. He doesn't buy them clothes and whines when he has to buy them new shoes......he expects ME to give his kids all my kids hand me downs and if he sees me giving them to someone else he gets very upset.
I have started taking charge when it comes to my kids. When they have things to do or want to do..........we do them. I use to wait and see what DH had planned and see if he wanted to be included yadda yadda. Well, that was miserable!
He did get upset with me the other day because I dropped my son off a his friends house to play. (BS12) DH asked why I did not come pick up his son(SS12) to go play too!!??? I'm SORRY...my son has his own friends and does NOT need to include the step brother in everything he does. AUGH!
Sounds like I am where you
Sounds like I am where you were at one point. Pretty darn depressed about being ignored. The only thing different for me is he has his kids every weekend. So, I am back to being the wife during the week and not on the weekends. My kids got to their dads every other weekend and like you said...........just because his kids are with us does not mean my kids should get the shaft. My kids NEVER get a weekend alone with me and it SUCKS!!!!!
No, we don't have any alone
No, we don't have any alone time together. Well, if you ask him we do..........at night after I put my kids to bed when we watch TV together.....That is our alone time. Seems to work for him. Not so much for me.
They will never change the schedule. His ex just divorced from her third husband and would hate to be bothered with two of her own kids on the weekends when she can be out traveling the world with whatever guy she is dating that week!!! AUGH!! Actually, DH's ex is supposed to have their kids the first weekend of the month but she always forgets and ends up having these plans that she just can't cancel and we scoop in and rescue her from having to possibly cancel. And you can't exactly tell the DH he can't see his own kids. I know I would blow a lid if he told me I could not see mine. However, i still get pissy every damn time we save the flipping day for her!!!!!!!!! I will admit that I do get selfish when that happens.
Wow! That is me!!!!!!
Wow! That is me!!!!!! Haven't lost any friends because they are my rock!! They are there for me and I am there for them. We are a tight group and they literally put a smile on my face!!
But I do go to the bathroom and cry at night. I cry on my way to work every day and on my way home..........it's my alone time.
^^^EXACTLY^^^ Take care of
^^^EXACTLY^^^
Take care of YOU & YOURS!!! Because in the end all your DH is looking out for is HIMSELF & HIS KIDS!!!
I don't do jack shit for my BF's kid and never will!!! For me, all it took was his kid giving me an attitude when I simply asked him if he was OK because he was in the back seat of my BF's truck pouting because apparently he didn't get something he wanted at GAMESTOP one day. Ever since then I have told my BF how I feel about his brat and he accepts, understands, and respects my feelings and doesn't EVER ask/expect/demand ANYTHING of/from me regarding his kid!!! And THAT is the way it SHOULD BE when skids are involved. IMHO. Anything us SM/SD do for skids/bm should ALWAYS BE A CHOICE!!! NEVER demanded or expected because they are NOT our kids or responsibility!!! PERIOD.
Hun, you're probably mad as
Hun, you're probably mad as hell. and you should be.
now use your anger and do something about it. Listen to CheriWilson. She's totally right.
Think about what it is YOU want and are prepared to put up with and go from there. It's your decision.
Good luck and keep us posted.
I am MAD, Sad and confused!!
I am MAD, Sad and confused!! I am doing a lot of soul searching right now............I have to make the best decision for me and my kids! I need my happiness and my life back!
YES YOU DO!!! Stand up for
YES YOU DO!!!
Stand up for yourself and your place as his wife!!! If he can't and won't give you what you deserve and need from/of him as your husband then it is time to shit or get off the pot my friend.
And in the meantime...DON'T DO ONE GOD BLESSED THING FOR HIM OR HIS KIDS WHEN HE IS BEING DISNEY DAD ON THE WEEKENDS!!!!
Honey it's not just that he
Honey it's not just that he doesn't want a wife on the weekends he really just wants a fulltime doormat.
My DH was like this as well
My DH was like this as well pretty much. When skid was gone, I existed, when he was here, I did not until he needed help. I have since disengaged from any and all of his doings with skid. I have so much hurt feelings and resentment towards DH though. He hasn't the slightest clue how to divide his attention appropriately and I was always the one holding the shitty end of the stick.
Oh my...............I could
Oh my...............I could have written what you did!! That is so my life!!!!!!!!! I'm miserable!