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SS 13 going on 5

moz15's picture

Submitted by moz15 on Mon, 05/20/2013 - 10:59am

I know this topic probably comes up a lot and I guess I just need to do a little venting??? My SS who is 13 was showing some signs of improvement for a couple weeks then like a light switch.........regressed back to a 5 year old. I don't get it?? My worry is that something might have happened to him?? He talks baby talk to "look" cute and get acknowledged for doing things like catching a fish or something. Recently we were at a school function with all four kids. My two kids were chilling and asking how much longer etc..........the normal. My SD was actually the reason we were there........she had a performance. SS was literally trying to lay on his mom's chest and hold her hand and practically sit in her lap the whole time. She kept trying to push him off but he kept going back for more. I found it odd because he was at school with all his classmates. Then the mom leaves and we bring them home..........he quickly gazes in his dads eyes and starts holding his hand and hugging his arms. My husband even made comments like..........he is glued to me.

My husband has created this overly affectionate issue but he MIGHT be finally noticing it is ODD behavior. Now that my SD is 11 she is noticeably starting to push away from her dad. She doesn't want to be all lovey dovey 24/7 and my husband is taking huge offense to it.

I have learned to dis engage and it has been a HUGE help! I have posted prior to this where I was just a week day wife etc.....well, I have accepted that and now do my own thing on weekends. I am still very much a single mother who just happens to be married. Even though I am not a wife on the weekends........... I can't help but wonder what is going on with SS 13. I do not know of ANY 13 year old that acts this way. Is this normal?? What could possibly be going on with him??

Comments

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Mon, 05/20/2013 - 11:09am

I have no idea, but at 13 and ESPECIALLY for a male that is really odd behavior. My SS15 is a little lovey dovey with his oldest sister who he doesn't see much of, but feels very close to because they both have similar issues- ADHD/Bipolar/really flat and just plain "off" personalities.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

Submitted by 3LittleDragonflies on Mon, 05/20/2013 - 11:45am

I was abused as a kid and acted like that until I was about 17. Does this kid have a history of abuse? Is he in therapy at all? This can really make life difficult for him socially if your DH doesn't get therapy for him to get to the bottom of this. I recently started talking to my ex from high school and he says he can see the difference therapy made for me. As he so delicately put it, "You're not crazy anymore. You still are you, just minus the crazy clingy part."

moz15's picture

Submitted by moz15 on Mon, 05/20/2013 - 12:37pm

When I say dad created this it is because he needs/wants them to NEVER grow up. In turn treats them like "wee" ones. They have to sit in his lap all the time, lay with him, hold his hands etc............ALL THE TIME! It is to the point that they(the skids) NEED this affection. I have noticed that SD has pushed away a very little bit. SS is getting much worse.

BM is a child psychologist..........and that is scary all by itself. I mean, her kids are just not right socially and emotionally AT ALL!! Nothing makes them happy, they are leached to their dad when in public and in private and REFUSE to get off of him. I can't say if they are that clingy with the BM because I rarely see her. I know I saw SS try to be that clingy and she was pushing him off..........not in a negative way just in a way of saying......."not here."

I wonder if some type of abuse goes on at the BM's house?? The odd thing is my DH has wondered that for as long as I have known him. As these kids get older their behavior becomes even more odd. I also find that the more consistency we provide them the more they push away.

OH, and I am fighting a losing battle............BM wants to put SS in therapy.......DH is anti therapy!!!!!!!! I am a huge advocate of therapy! I go and it is a wonderful thing for me.

moz15's picture

Submitted by moz15 on Mon, 05/20/2013 - 1:01pm

I agree with you 100%!!!

I have no problems with going to a therapist. I mean, what can it hurt??? I too would like to see BM, DH, SS, and SD in therapy!

When I divorced in 07..........I sent my kids to therapy.......more or less as a preventative maintenance thing. It worked out well and if I see reason to send my kids again.....I will do it without hesitation! Thankfully, my kids are adjusted as well as can be expected. They are still kids and we never know what will change with them in the future but I am going to do everything in might to make sure MY kids get the help they need if that days comes!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be the first to admit that DH is very much a "disney Dad." That is something that I AM AGAINST 100%! However, I have chosen to worry more about my kids well being rather than fight him on the harm that he is causing his kids.

moz15's picture

Submitted by moz15 on Tue, 05/21/2013 - 10:07am

SS13 does this with both parents from what I can see. I also notice that if SS13 isn't the center of attention from his father he really turns on the weirdness and almost shuts down or acts out. He MUST BE THE ONLY ONE! Otherwise..........we are all screwed.

He doesn't like me because I do not play along with his needs and wants. There are 4 kids in our house on the weekends and by golly.......he will not be ruling my roost!!!!!!!!!!!

I am curious to know what else the psychologist said?? My kids were evaluated for the same reason years ago........THANKFULLY they got great reports!! Smile I really wish my DH and his kids would get evaluated.