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How much interaction is required???

MOStepMom's picture

Submitted by MOStepMom on Sun, 10/16/2016 - 5:22pm

I try to be a good person and a good parent. However recently my desire to do either is being tested. I fought along my spouse to get custody of my SD. Worked hard to have a good relationship, I go to all school activities and soccer practices and games. If she needs to go somewhere I take her. Her mother has been out of her life for a year, decided to put her boyfriend in front of her daughter. I picked up the pieces when mom stopped calling. Things weren't perfect. She had a lot of anger with mom I took thr brunt of it. Which I tried to understand even when it was difficult. 3 weeks ago her mom shows up spends 2 hours with her and everything changed. Now I hear i am not her mom or even her parent. She doesn't have to listen to me, I ask her to do something she looks at me and says no, walks away or says I only have to do what dad says. I am tired of arguing. My spouse isn't helping much, that's his princess, I need to be better parent. I want to just take a step back from handling all her activities and parenting or any interactions with her. But feel like that makes me a bad person.

Comments

Imisssuzy's picture

Submitted by Imisssuzy on Sun, 10/16/2016 - 5:51pm

You are not a bad person, you did the best you could. Listen to what your SD says, you aren't her mom, and go with that. Let her parents parent her. Stop doing all of the things you listed, unless you want to do them. Let her parents pick up the slack where you were. If you want her to do something, ask her dad to tell her to do it, or let it go.
Accept what is and decide how much you can continue to give without resentment. Avoid resentment at all costs, it eats your soul.

MOStepMom's picture

Submitted by MOStepMom on Sun, 10/16/2016 - 5:59pm

Thank you I needed that. I have had ups and downs with her for a while. I thought we were in a good place, then boom. Everything is an argument or met with contempt and I don't want to argue anymore it is exhausting with no real resolve.

bruised_wings's picture

Submitted by bruised_wings on Sun, 10/16/2016 - 9:39pm

My step-daughter's mother disappeared for 13 years. I was the thankless chauffeur servant wallet mouthpiece when she wanted something that Dad would say no to. I was also the one blame for everything that went wrong in that child's life.

If she wants to treat you like crap you quit doing. Let darling daddy do it all. No tampon purchases. No formal dresses. No haircuts. You treat someone like crap long enough they walk out of your life. At your step daughter's age it won't be long before she's begging for you to be part of her life again.

And as for the husband... tell him to get a bottle of hand lotion.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 10/17/2016 - 4:09am

Oh dear - I know that feeling..... the only thing you can do.. DISENGAGE

stop doing anything for SD, tell her ask your Mum/Dad....

never engage again, you do nothing for the ungrateful little snot

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Mon, 10/17/2016 - 9:23am

If your DH doesn't back you up then there's nothing you can do but disengage. Dont be mad at your SD for stating the obvious truth-you aren't her mother or parent; be mad at your DH for not teaching his daughter that his daughter needs to respect all adults regardless of who's related to whom. That's failure on his part. She only says it to hurt your feelings so stop letting it. Disengage from her. No more running her around, buying her crap, helping her with anything. That's a parent's job and since she refuses to give you basic adult respect then she can ask her dad for all of that. He'll whine about having to be responsible for his creation but these are the consequences of his inability to back up the one person parenting for him and BM. If he isn't going to support you doing it, then he needs to do it himself OR he doesn't and she turns into a complete nightmare for HIM to deal with.