There is no competition. She's not in the same league,not in the same stadium, she isn't even in the same sport as me. I'd be like the super,ultra deluxe all expenses paid luxury vacation in the tropics...She's like taking a vacation in a no-tell-motel in the middle o'nowhere while chomping on some greasy slimjims for dinner.

So...nope. No comp there.

~“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone"~ Audrey Hepburn

I never had the competitive feeling with DH, only ss9. I know that DH's life is better with me than it ever was with her. Up until I disengaged I always made sure to be better than ss's Mom. I think in my case it was because ss lives with me and I know she's his Mom and I was being the real Mom and wanted to be treated with respect and love too but I wasn't getting any. Now I could care less and that competitive feeling is gone.

I'd call myself a fairly competitive person, but I don't feel the need to compete with BM, because it's just not worth my time or energy.

I think it's the opposite in my situation. When SD blabs to BM after her visits, it gets under BM's skin and she feels like she has to compete. For instance, the vacation she took with SD over the summer that she clearly couldn't afford. Now she has a maxed-out credit card and will probably need more than a year to pay off that trip. And last month when we notified SD and SS of our pregnancy. The weekend after that is when she called here and started the whole 'birth control bill' fiasco and chewed DH out for 10 minutes straight on the phone. Things like that CLEARLY get to her and she can't handle it. I don't feel like there's any competition in my case. In order for there to be a competition, we would have to be fighting over a certain thing (such as DH) but he's never going back, so I'm cool as a cucumber. If she feels there is a competition, then it has to be over a lifestyle. Something that nobody can change for her but herself.

Oh, it's a competition to BM alright, but I refuse to compete. I have nothing to prove. DH and I are good parents. We always do right by the kids, and I don't have to subject myself to silly competitions to prove it to anyone. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

BM even competes when it comes to SS's homework. WHEN she has taken the time to actually DO his homework with him, she will sign it before it is even done (so teacher sees HER name on it) and lately it has gone from pencil, to pen to BIG BLACK MARKER. And then she will make notes on the cover page like "we practices the alphabet while I was driving" and "we hung a huge math poster in his bedroom". It is funny. It used to drive me crazy, but now I just laugh at her when I read it. What an idiot. SS get's good grades... who cares if he "got a new jump rope this weekend" WTF???? Who even tells the teacher that??? GUESS WHAT, WE WENT TO THE DOLLAR STORE AND GOT SS A JUMP ROPE.... lame... !!!!!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I definitely went through that, but I got to where I also realised she was no competition to me, then I stopped worrying so much about it. The best way to do that is completely ignore her. When SKs talk about her, I listen but then change the subject, don't feel like you have to always have one up. After a while, I got to where I could see the bigger picture & the little things just don't matter now. It was hard for me, too. I'm very competitive. ~Bookgirl~

I think it's been a bit of a competition to BM. Not so much to me, though: I KNOW I'm better.

UCSM (BB)

"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin

Its not a competition AT ALL between me and BM. I am better in every single way, not only does DF tell me that but so does his entire family (and even some of hers! DF still has the girls see her BMs family even though BM doesnt like them to, and I've meet them and they are nice people, IDK how they raised such a crazy person). And I hope that when the skids are adults and they look back on everything, that they can really understand and appreciate and see that just because I wasnt their mom, I still did the best for them.

Never a competition here....she let her kids starve, I feed them,,she let their teeth rot out, I take them to the dentist..she locked herself in her room with the BF of the week, I spend time with them....u get the picture...I can look in the mirror,,,,sad part is...she probably can too because she just doesn't give a damn....never, ever, a competition here, BM is just waaay too pathetic to even give her that much energy....

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

Certainly no competition here, BM cares about BM and I care about BM's kids. I am 10 times the mom to those kids than she'll ever dream of being. Not bragging, just stating a fact.

I know I'm wayyy better also, however I too feel the need to compete... I always think that DH thinks she's a better mother than me... it drives me insane... The only reason I feel this way is because he really seems to only listen to her when it concerns his kid... he never listens to my advice. Also, when I say something like "That was very nice of her to go away on business again this week while she had your son" OR "That was very nice of her to not make the parent/teacher interviews because she's too busy", I'm always met with some sort of comment like "Well, she travels for work", "Well, she does things with him", "Well, what am I supposed to think that she's a bad mother?"... DUH YES you are! Anyways...just talking about it annoys me. When we get into an argument because I've given some unwanted advice about his child.. like "YOu should monitor his diet"... I'm met with "His mother and I are not concerned, he's still growing".. YEAH in WIDTH not HEIGHT!.. haha anyways... for this reason and this reason only, I feel very competitive. I'm wayy better looking, I have a great job, more money, etc etc...and I'm a wayyy better MOM in my opinion anyways!

no---not all.

Honestly, I feel the need to compete as well. It's not so much in the looks/character department as it is in how the relationship goes with my boyfriend. She was his first a lot of things and they had a long and tumultuous relationship spanning from the time they were 11/12 until they were 20/21. I am insecure with their history sometimes (which, unfortunately, she has picked up on) and so when it comes to our relationship I try to be the nicest person I can be. I try to be classy and kind and expose him to things that he would never have been exposed to with her. I try to join him in his hobbies. Basically I try to do the things that she never did. I know that she has felt competitive with me over her son. I guess she was afraid he would like me better? My boyfriend said that she was constantly asking how their son was around me and when the boy showed affection for me she wasn't too happy. She also tended to act out when I was more involved. I ended up disengaging completely and rarely see the boy now and she's calmed down a lot.

"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown

Yep, like many of you, BM competes with me, but it's not mutual. It used to be in every way; friends, job, kids, husband..., but I have distanced myself from her so much that the only place our lives even connect is relating to the kids. She would love it if she could compete with me in all areas, but it's no contest. I don't usually compete with anyone but myself (a lesson I learned the hard way, years ago) and she's not worthy of competing with. It's like comparing your life someone that is blatantly worse off than yourself, like the homeless or starving people in third world countries; I can assume, fairly confidently, that my quality of life is better. Same thing with BM. We move in completely different circles and I have everything she wants. From her perception, I took her man and her stability. I moved on to a better job and have a cozy home and a loving family. Right now, her only area of competition with me is the kids. She's afraid the kids will love me and realize she sucks or i'll be a better parent (done and done). Anything nice I do for them, she tries to match, but honestly I just don't care and if it results in the kids being taken care of better on her end, I'm happy.

The irritating part is being made aware constantly that, in her mind, we are competitors. It's like going for your morning jog and every morning having a filthy dog that lives in your garbage bins come running after you. I'm far and away better in all areas and know it. I don't want or need to compete, but until BM gets a life, I'm stuck with the current situation of one-sided competition...

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

I know exactly how you feel. My man and his ex were together for like 15 years or something, three kids, high school sweethearts.... the whole bit. First everything together. What I am really jealous about... maybe jealous isn't the right word... what really frustrates me is that it seems like IIII am the one missing out on my own firsts... like having babies, he's already been through it all, he already knows what to expect, and I am in the dark.

And to answer your question, I do have some competetive bone in my body that makes me want to be the best... when it comes to everything. the kids, maybe they sense it, or maybe they are just innocent kids, but I have stopped letting them get to know me. I've learned alot in three years, and one of the things is, if I say Ohhh I love that place!! the response from them is always Oh yeah, my mom likes the pizza they have there... or my mom this or my mom that. Its never oh yeah, that is a pretty good place.
My favorite all time story was the first time we went on a "family vacation", to vegas... the first time I realized where they were married. We passed a casino and the kids went that's where my mom and dad got married. UGH. I was fuming. #1, I did not ask. I never wanted to know anything about where they got married, but when I found out it was in vegas at a crappy casino while she was pregnant, it made my heart sing #2 Why would they say that??? To ruin a good time? Anyway... on the trip back we passed by the courthouse and I had to practically tape my mouth shut to stop from saying, hey kids, that is where your mom and dad got divorced.
It took everything I had to not say it.