When my Dh and I got married, we both took on the roll of "step" parent. My kids were 10 months, 2 1/2 and 4 1/2. His brats were 7 and 11. Being that my kids were younger maybe they adjusted better to the situation. I think the fact that their BD wasn't around helped also.
Over the past 6 years my husband and I have had some knock down drags out because of his kids. His, then 7yr old and I NEVER got along. She has made my life HELL from day 1.
I give props to my Dh though because he has been a pretty awesome step dad. he has always been very good with my kids and they love him to death. But he got lucky. My kids have always respected him and listened to him. My kids are now 6,8 and 10 plus we have our DD together, she is 5, and my kids have never been nasty or mean to my DH. They still respect him and love him to death and have NEVER made up lies to hurt him. They don't call him Dad but if you ask them, he is there dad.
The funniest part about everything is i think my DH completely SUCKS as a bio-dad to his 2 brats. I can snap at one of my kids for something and he doesn't say a thing about it but I snap at one of his kids and I am picking on them. I snapped at his 16 year old one time...ONE time and he freaked out and told me I didn't deserve to be in a relationship because i can't control my mental illness. Up until november ALL 6 kids lived with us full time. Now his 17 yr old lives with her baby daddy. Having her move out has been awesome. One less stress and BIG problem for me. I just don't understand why he is in such denial about his little angels. What makes them so deserving? Does his reality of his little angels suck so bad that he just chooses to live in denial? All I know is that one of these days his precious angels are going to rock the very foundation that man stands on and as much as I love him, i am going to sit back and watch it all happen. Maybe he should have opened his eyes sooner, i will have NO sympathy!!