Lazy PIA
BM emails me this morning asking if SO or I are going to be anywhere near where her uncle lives today.
Nope. Its 45 minutes away and I have no plans to go anywhere near there today. I'm just waiting on the litany of excuses as to why she can't come pick SS up and we have to drop him off and pick him up. In addition to sending him with extra clothes and toiletries. No not happening. We take care of him 100%. The least she can do is pick him up if she wants to see him and if she doesn't have what he needs i guess he cant go. She should have plenty of $ seeing as she hasn't paid any child support since August.
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Stick with no. It's her
Stick with no. It's her responsibility to pick him up. If she doesn't then you are not in contempt of the order.
As for sending extra things. If she shows up and asks for them tell her no but you can't prevent the kid from going. I'm assuming this is a weekend visitation? The child will survive without a change of clothes and toiletries. Icky I know but you would be in contempt for refusing and your better approach would be to document the lack of clothing / toiletries when they get back.
Oh no, if she comes to get
Oh no, if she comes to get him she can take him as long as it isn't to Drug City. On the rare occasion he does go with her he only spends 3 days/nights in the same clothes he left in.
She can't even make sure he ha a toothbrush avilible to him. She has 3 kids which a year and half ago he had custody of (they didn't have electricity, running water and toiletries even then but she always had cigarette money) so she knows what kids require. We don't send anything because we can't afford to lose a pair of new pants that have been worn once by a kid who is growing so fast we need to get him new clothing every other month.
The CO is very vague it states that BM can have "open and liberal visitation as agreed upon by both parties". This means that any plans to see SS over the weekend need to be communicated by Wednesday night otherwise her visitation is only if we don't have other plans for SS already and she transports at least 1 way. This has been cut and pasted into numerous text messages and emails she just doesn't care. She wants to call on days like today, demand we bring him to see her, supply the things he needs, feed him before we bring him and then pick him up from whoever she decides to leave him with-most times this means we need to FIND him because "her phone breaks" when really she's somewhere with some dude an. SS is with dying uncle, aunt or rando friend. She typically spends 2-3 hours with him after pick up and then dumps him on whoever will take him for the rest of the weekend.
That would definitely be a no
That would definitely be a no then. She's proven that she's not responsible. She has visitation but it sounds like every time he doesn't go, he's better off. Document, document!!
Oh yeah. She's never going to
Oh yeah. She's never going to do anything though. She doesn't want to be a mom anymore and that's pretty clear that she'll occasionally see him to maintain her "image". But for the most part SS goes to see Aunt when she asks for him and GBM when she's here visiting and that's 100% kosher. We send him with clothing then and it generally comes back CLEAN and folded-and if they don't get around to cleaning the clothes there's always an apology-which is unnecessary but thoughtful. If SS's Aunt wasn't in the middle of dealing with so much shit herself then I'm sure she would take him more often and we do transport both ways for her because she gives us plenty of notice and he's not her obligation. Then BM will randomly visit not knowing SS is there and she sees him then.
Honestly it sounds like BM's
Honestly it sounds like BM's interactions could be harmful to the child.
I'd be looking into changing that CO to supervised visitation only. Since she only wants to keep the kid a little while anyways she can do it under over site.
Having to find a child is unacceptable and in my mind boarding on abandonment on her part and this isn't a case of her not knowing what a child needs but flat out not caring. She's treating him like a trophy to wave around "see I'm a mom worship me."
You know, this has gone on so
You know, this has gone on so long that it has become commonplace. You're right. It is pretty screwed up. I'll have a chat with SO and see what he thinks about petitioning the court again. We just figured the CO was so vague that if she did ever leave him with someone egregious (usually we have a list of places that he is left only once did she abandon them with someone that was outside of the circle of the typical 5 places-I'll elaborate)
SS's 1st birthday with us BM picked him up with a family friend who SO knew. SO and BM are from the same small town and grew up with/know a lot of the same people. Anyway, this guy is in his lake 50's and allowed BM to bring SS and his two younger siblings to stay at his hotel with him 1 night to use the pool and took her and kids out to dinner for SS's birthday. When he woke up in the morning she was gone, he could not reach her and he had all 3 kids who we barely 2, 5 and SS 11 who is autistic. He had SS's younger brother's father's (big Daddy) phone number. Big Daddy picked up the boys and the family friend returned SS's younger sister to BM's neighbors who have been caring for her since birth baisically. SO got a call from Big Daddy letting him know he had SS.
This shit happens all the time. For the most part it's Uncle (who is dying btw), Aunt (BM's sister) and GBM (when she's in town). Occasionally we've hunted SS down at BM's friend's house or at Big Daddy's. Other times it's been a matter of BM telling SO that she's one place with SS only for SO to show up and she's somewhere totally off the wall with SS. This has happened for drop offs too which is why we don't anymore. Last Christmas SO wanted to go see SD (who lives with BM2) on Christmas to give her her Christmas presents from us. BD and I had plans with my family, and BM asked for SS. She made plans and gave us the run around so long that SO aost missed seeing SD quickly on Christmas.
Late That weekend She had SO drive an hour down to where she claimed she would meet him, only to have him and SS sit there for 45 minutes an never show up. And SS was heartbroken.
BM also posted pictures with SS's younger siblings and their Xmas presents. THEN they all called SS to "wish him a marry Xmas (I found is out after I got home and SO didn't have Facebook at the time).
She's the biggest asshole I know.
Why is she emailing you? Why
Why is she emailing you? Why are you allowing that aggravation?
She just does. I'm sure she
She just does. I'm sure she contacted SO too but he's hunting up north. My only reply to her was "he's hunting". And I surprisingly haven't heard a word since. Maybe she got in touch with SO. Maybe not. I don't really care. Unless she's coming to get him and can tell us where they will be, which will then be verified with Aunt because I'm pretty sure that's where she plans to eventually dump him, then he can go. SO would let me know if that was happening tho and he hasn't.
Do you want her to email
Do you want her to email you?
Nope not going near Uncles but YOU can come here if you need to.
Buhhh bye
I don't want anything to do
I don't want anything to do with her at this point and for the most part she's left me alone since I started making that clear and SO spelled it out for her. But she doesn't get much out of me anyway-I have nothing nice to say, I've done all I can do to try to stop her from treating SS this way but the entitlement she feels and total lack of regard for ANYONE but herself always stuns me.