OT: my son's baby mama :(
My son's ex-gf is a maniac. My son and her had multiple break-ups in the past 5 years. And now 2 kids later they have been split up for 6 months.
She's 7 hours away from us which is good and bad. After all the child support court stress, things have calmed down. She put all the crazy stipulations on the visitation. Which the mediator told her was not really going to be enforced. Because it was just silly. He told her to file a suit if she wanted but that they were just there to deal with child support.
So she put all these silly things in the visitation orders. My son has his daughter almost all summer. Which is great. I love having her close by. She's 4 and a real joy.
I've noticed though that every time she is at my house her mom is calling to talk to her. I think this is weird. I asked my son if there was a problem with her getting to talk to my granddaughter??? He said no they talk all the time.
My frustration is that when she calls here it takes time away from what we are doing. Plus she keeps her on the phone asking tons of intrusive questions. You know the kind!! We are all familiar with that sort of conversations. It's called pumping for information.
I got really mad today and just turned my phone on silent after 2 calls. Seriously, this person can't be bothered to even send me pics of my grandson, who I've not even seen yet (he's 6 mos). She deleted me from facebook. It's very very hurtful.... but she wants to use my cellphone to talk to her daughter? I just think that is messed up. I've been nothing but nice to her the entire time I've known her. Even when she took my grandbaby and moved out on my son, the first time.
He's not an angel by any means. But seriously if she was so smart to get a lawyer to put stupid crazy stipulations into the visitation orders then maybe she shoulda put something in there about telephone calls??
Please tell me I'm not over reacting? I'm not livid mad but mostly hurt mad. I just get tired of being used. She had no problem dumping her kid off on me when she was with my son but all of a sudden she has to talk to her every single day!!
I'm wondering if either she's nuts or my son is fibbing about talking to her? I asked the grand daughter, she says no I talk to mommy almost every day. Am I the one that is nuts here?? Or am I just over worrying it?
UGH!!!! Not my monkeys, not my circus!!!
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Comments
You're not necessarily
You're not necessarily overreacting...if she has your granddaughter all year around except for summer, I'm not surprised that she wants to talk to her every day. I don't see a problem with her getting to talk to her daughter every day, as long as it's not too long of a phone call and it needs to be when it's convenient for you as well.
She has to understand that you aren't at her beck and call. I would have your son establish some ground rules for the conversations. Decide what a reasonable amount of time is for them to speak and ask her to keep the phone conversations to that time frame, as well as specify a time or establish that the phone calls will have to take place when it is convenient for you/your son. Since she's only 4, I don't see why she would need more than 10-15 minutes to talk, and right before bed time (assuming she has a standard bedtime) seems like a good time to me.
If my 4 year old would be
If my 4 year old would be staying away from me I would have called her everyday, too.I am disagreeing with her keeping the baby away from you , but did you indicate you would go to see the baby or do you expect her to come to yours with the little kid? I suppose when you say your son is not an angel it tells me there is much more going on that might make her feeling uncomfortable reaching out to you and his family.You as a mum (just like I would be would be biased in his favour as all mums are (and should be to a certain extend), so she might feel critizised and judged? When my ex and I got divorced I had to face my ex MIL on the phone blaming me for everything and anything....(whilst my ex behaved like a total arsehole and still couldn't do anything wrong in her opinion).In times of separation the last thing you want to have to cope with are harsh critics next to everything else.
I made the decision to bite my tongue , forgive her and kept supplying her with cards and photos from the kids.This turned it around and we remained friends after all and she stopped attacking me.The advice I am giving you is to reach out to her in a friendly and not critical way- make sure she understands she will not be accused or blamed even you feel she hurt "your baby boy". Even if she might have been partly responsible for their break up, don't forget that THIS is none of your busines, she might be a good mum inspite of this.