EX Removal
It's a fact. My DH has a son with devil. We follow the CO perfectly and it's not good enough for her. What can we do? My husband is so stressed because his ex is always pulling something. Do we give his son to her and pay child support? Fight for the full custody my husband deserves and be miserable until he is 18? This woman knows she can't have her son all the time and chose the visits she gets now but she hates doing the driving to get him. Should we always give in to her so that we live a good life?
Does anyone have advice/?
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Here's what finally stopped
Here's what finally stopped the frequent drama and stress in our situation. May not work for you, but it has made our lives so much better.
Go completely no-contact with her. Ignore everything she sends, says, and shouts that is rude, accusatory, or off topic. Be prompt, follow the CO carefully, and do all communications through email. Emails from BM should contain specific child-pertinent information, or DO NOT RESPOND. Likewise for your emails. This create a papertrail in case of sudden insanity. It's a business arrangement. No personal stuff AT ALL. Stay in vehicle during drop off & pick up. Keep window rolled up and door locked. Figure out how to stop yourself from engaging in her nonsense should she have the opportunity to be face to face. Walk away. Let her be the crazy one, while you just pretend she doesn't exist.
If you decide to fight in court, your attorneys should handle everything, and it could be detrimental if you guys communicate with her during proceedings. If she begins to go psycho after being served, let your attorney know, and the police if necessary.
The most important piece to this is to make sure that it is your DH that makes the decision to fight or walk away. Be there for him either way.
We live in the UK, and courts
We live in the UK, and courts and COs don't tend to happen here. However, after the first 5 years when DH let the NPD BM walk all over him, we adopted a similar approach to ClearlyAnUpgrade. No contact whatsoever with the lunatic BM, DH normally ignored her ranting phone messages and emails. Never argued with her on the phone. If she phoned him and started ranting, he put the phone down.
She threatened DH with no visitation for months, on numerous occasions, but the longest she kept this up for was one missed weekend visit.
It took us nine years to put
It took us nine years to put no-contact firmly into place. There would be slip ups now and again, because this woman can incite even the calmest person into a raging fight. I wish we'd done it sooner, but we were trying to counter the PAS. Did no good anyway. By the way, Kes, our BM is Dx BPD, so I feel ya. Not an easy road for anyone involved.
I completely understand the
I completely understand the stress involved here. Here's my example from yesterday's BM drama. Husband sent email asking time and location for pickup of my SD. Response from BM, she will be at BMs house since you won't allow her to go to her dance class. Huh? Husband never said this nor would. Arrived at BMs apartment, all lights were on and can see her sitting on the couch. Beep the horn and all the
Iights go out. Beep again no response. Text a brief message- we're here, please send SD out. No response. Finally call and BM picks up. Tells my husband that daughter isn't there and is at dance. Hmm, 3 hours ago she said she wasnt at dance due to husband not allowing it. Husband says why did you tell me to come get her here if she was at dance. BM hangs up on him. We are still sitting in front of the house but decide to leave and drive the 30 miles home. On the way home husband gets a text from BM saying that she looked and he wasn't there and to stop blowing SD off. Husband is incensed, crushed and po'd. BM is really a lunatic. I'm praying will catch up. Our marriage is a mess due to the stress of it all.
Not sure I'd ever sign up for this again.