Got home from a nice "moms' night out" with some moms from SSs' soccer team last night and found DH where he was hours before, trying to assemble SSs' weird bikes (selected on Amazon- my sensible kids ordered Schwinns and they were together in 15 minutes, bye bye, be careful and have fun- not SSs- they had to have some brand that no one had ever heard of before just to be flashier and Italian soundingAND we both know we screwed up by allowing that but none of the kids wanted the same bike as the others and we thought that was reasonable....), The house was a mess, dishwasher filled with CLEAN dishes and they all knew it because they put their dinner dishes in the sink rather than the dishwasher- but without me here to organize and reinforce "how to recognize the things that need to be done in this house of seven people (and three animals)" and DH being so preoccupied with putting SSs' bikes together, nothing got done.

So it was bedtime and I told them that before they went to bed, each needed to take care of their designated common room: SSB12 gets the family room because he most often leaves his stuff in there, DS12 gets the kitchen because he most often uses two cups or leaves charging cables around, DD11 gets dining room because she frequently leaves her projects or HW on the table, and SSA12 gets the garage because he often leaves clothes outside or balls thrown all over the place.

Their designated room responsibility involves identifying who may have made a mess or left something and delegating to get it clean, NOT cleaning up for each other. Example: SSB12: "Whose plate is this?"; DD11: "Oh, that's mine." and picks it up and takes care of it. It's a decent system and it seems to be working. DS12 cleared up all the dishwasher dishes and that was it for the kitchen, DD11 cleaned up the table of her stuff and told SSB12 to get his binder and take care of it, and SSB12 got the family room taken care of........except for The Prince, SSA12, who wandered in and got in his bed after NOT even looking in the garage. Here is the conversation that ensued:

Me: "SSA, get out here please."
[Minutes pass.]
"I am standing here holding the door. Get out here NOW."
{He slowly and with attitude comes walking out in boxers.}
"Did you even look in the garage?"
SS: "There was nothing to put away."
{At this point I instructed him to tidy the shoes and put balls in the bin. He did all that I asked.}
As we walked back inside, I said, "Now you can sleep better, wake up and look in the mirror and like what you see, knowing that you've done your job."
He responded, "I can always look in the mirror and like what I see."
I did respond to this comment by saying, "It is our job as your parents to make sure that you know that that's not ok and that that's not what you turn into as you grow. People who lie so much that they can't see reality, and people who lack any desire to help other people are not usually happy people."

SSB12 frequently calls SSA12 a narcissist, and I think that both boys are learning what their mother is. SSA12 really does seem to be learning really well from BM. Is there anything we can do to stop this, besides pointing his behavior out and continuing to lead him to do the right thing?

In this society, day and age, where there is an increasing number of famous narcissists and I'm sure plenty in our own lives and where we are getting better at having the hard conversations regarding mental health, how do we get this one out there and recognized? If more people realize what they're dealing with maybe it can alleviate some suffering. And eventually, maybe something will be discovered to make narcissists realize that they are at the root of their own suffering and seek help.