Frustrated about unfairness
I am having a hard time dealing with my husbands behavior towards my children and his own child.
I have a good relationship with his daughter and she loves me very much, she was spoiled before I came along though and it shows. And I feel like my husband is extra nice to her and lets her get away with things more than the other kids do.
My kids can do the exact same thing that she does (but at different times) and they get screamed at but my step daughter just gets a nicer "dont do that" or "be nice". and I feel like he doesnt care if my children r sad or want to feel more loved, but when it comes to his own daughter he will do anything to give her what she wants.
I dont want my kids to grow up resenting my step daughter or think she is more important than them. Thats how I feel about my step siblings. My husband wants us to have alone time with his daughter which is fine, but I feel that all the kids should get that but he has never mentioned them having time with us.
I am just so frustrated and this has always been an issue for us. I care for my step daughter like she is my own and to me there are no "steps", we are just a family. I just dont know how to make him feel the same way...
- Miss_Tinkerbell1986's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I went through this. It
I went through this. It wasn't until my oldest daughter said something about it. Something about "SS gets everything that he wants". Dh heard her, and she is right, he did get everything he wants. Granted he is a good kid BUT, my girls are not BAD kids, they just bicker... you know, like sisters do. My Dh got the message. He has been better about it ever since.
Sometime I wish my oldest
Sometime I wish my oldest daughter, who is 8, would say something to my husband about how she feels...but she is too shy to do that, and I dont even think he would listen to her...
Well, BD didn't say it to DH,
Well, BD didn't say it to DH, she said it to me, DH jsut happened to hear her.
If she does, he may get on
If she does, he may get on her for being rude/disrespectful. Of course speaking up about being treated unfairly isn't wrong, but he may think it is.
You're going to have to force him to stop treating your kids this way. He won't do it on his own.
I feel the same way in my
I feel the same way in my house. When my DD does something, she gets hollered at and punished, when SS does it,he acts like it's nothing. SS can sit and whine and complain (about my cooking, even!) and DH acts like it's not a big deal. It's VERY frustrating for me bc DH doesn't see it that way and probably never will. He even has a different set of standards for our DS1. I told him when DD does it, she gets grounded, when SS does it, you shower him with love now when DS does it, he gets ignored. He jokingly said he wants to do it right this time around with DS1. I think all the kids should be treated as equally as possible considering age differences but I don't know how to accomplish something like that...especially with guilty dads.
Another thing, things were
Another thing, things were better for awhile and he was treated the kids equally, but now its back to the same old shit again....
What worked for me, because
What worked for me, because we had the same issue too, was that I told him that when it came to disciplining the children, I would discipline mine and he his.
Unless my kids were at their father's house, I did not spend any "alone" time with my skids and my DH. Alone time should be spent with the bio-parent. All kids want to spend alone time with their own parent. He can spend it with his.
I have 2 girls. THey are as different as night and day. Once a month on a saturday, I would take one of them and do what she was interested in. It still works for me that way and my girls are grown.
Thats a great idea, but I
Thats a great idea, but I also think its important to have one on one times with the skids. Its good for my husband to bond with my kids and me with his daughter. I am trying to work it out so we both can have one on one time with each of the kids, id also like to have alone time with me and my husband and each of the kids separately but thats more of a challenge.
I just think he needs to be equally as strict with each of the kids and punish them the same (of course each age should be different)
And it seems like his daughter who is 6 is treated more like my oldest who is 8, but i think she should be more like my son who is 6. since they r the same age.
Ahhh ye olde "double
Ahhh ye olde "double standard"
Kinda shoots holes in the "one big happy family" myth, doesn't it?
I love these men who espouse the "one big happy family" theme when it comes to THEIR spawn, yet when it comes to SM's bios, oh they get looked at under a MICROSCOPE by guilty daddy!!
Translation: SM and her bios need to kiss up to my spawn, but I"m lowering the boom on HER children.