Oh my...Misfit, I am so sorry. DH apparently has no boundaries, and no respect for you. I am not one that will usually give this advice, but I think it is time to get out honey. You deserve better!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

im confused, i didnt realize you had gotten married....either way (((hugs))) thats horrible. it seems us women seem to know when its time to find some info as to whats really going on!

I agree. If he is emotionally involved with her, how can he be emotionally involved with you? Emotional cheating is no better and just as painful as physical cheating. I am really sorry that you are going through this. I know it is not much consolation, but I have been there and you can come out of something like that emotionally healthy and stronger no matter what course you choose to take. The best advice I think I can give you is to trust your instincts and go with your gut. Also, remember that people only change when they want to change. I wish you strength.

"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."

Just to play devils advicate here, I once read a text message my DH sent a friend from High School that he had not talked to in awhile, and it said "I agree, we always had a strong connection", I was furious, since it was just when we were dating, I dumped him right away. It took him almost two weeks to get the hard copy from the phone company, but he was responding to her kidding around about him and his best friend in HS (they had the same name, even dated twins).
Now this is not saying that your DH is not cheating, but ask him, and GET PROOF! Sometimes things are not always what they seem.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.

Hey honey I want to ask you a question: Do you think the pain of being without him will be greater than the pain you deal with, with him?

I think you are scared of the hurt that will follow if you leave. I think you are scared of what it will be like without him.

I relate it to smoking cigarettes. You aren't addicted until you've smoked a few, then once you're hooked the addiction is too strong to just stop, you don't think you're strong enough to face the cravings, you don't know what life will be like without the cigarettes or if you'll still miss them after you've quit. You know their really bad for your health and that they could kill you one day. You know that the cigarettes hold you back to things that you could accomplish without them.

Misfit, I think he's your cigarette honey, and this cigarette has burned you over and over again. You know in your mind that you can be alot happier in life without this....but you're scared and that's ok. You'll quit when *you* are ready.

But until then, start doing things for yourself that build YOU up. Go to the gym, find a hobby that you enjoy, hang out with friends, pamper yourself every now and then. When you're building YOURSELF up, you will find yourself looking down on the one's who brought you down.

((((HUGS)))) honey, I'm truly sad to see you hurting.
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Oh Misfit, my heart hurts for you. Maybe it's not what it seems though. Could it be the skid that had a hold of BM's phone?

"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown

(((((((MISFIT))))))))) I'm so sorry. When it comes to BM's, I'm all for not responding most of the time. However, with things like this, SO has to put it to a stop and if he doesn't, then to me that says he's okay with it. That's not fair or respectful to you or your relationship. I hate to say it but leaving is probably the best option for you. You've been emotionally abused and you've got to take care of yourself. Good luck

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Please call me if you ever need to talk, anytime, day or night...I'm never too busy honey.

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

I'm sorry that it ended up not being Bacon. However, I wanted to maybe mention some things.

For the longest time, and still a little now, I have had the same attitude as you. If BF did not respond to BM the way that I wanted, or at all, I felt like he was essentially telling her that it was ok to continue doing what she was doing. The problem with my BM (and maybe yours?) is that a lot of times she would send things knowing that it would upset ME. Red could care less about what she writes or says because he's over and done with her, so he does what your DH does. He either doesn't reply or just acts like he never got them. If she has any inkling that I've overheard something or that I have seen a text, she runs with it and it makes it worse.

I am EXACTLY like you when it comes to her and the phone. I get sick to my stomach and I go into a panic when I know that she is calling or that she has sent a text. She has caused so much drama in the past that I get paranoid. The problem is that I have allowed her to do this. If I had ignored her like Red did/does from the beginning then I do not feel that I would feel this way now.

I can tell you that it can get better. Red has been more than open with me about his communication with BM, so now the panic attacks aren't as bad. He is a doll and reassures me when I admit to feeling insecure. I think that perhaps if your DH can do this, you will benefit far more than if he speaks to BM with you present. I feel like if the three of you sit down to talk, that instead of it looking like DH is setting boundaries, it will look like you are forcing him to do something he wouldn't otherwise do.

Sending more hugs your way because I know how tortuous all of this can be...

"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown