poll: inlaw visits. what is reasonable?
My inlaws live around 7 hours away (driving). DH and I are involved in an active debate about "reasonable" parameters around their visits -- frequency and length. When they visit, they stay with us in our small apartment.
In my opinion, once a month for 7-10 days is very long. I wind up going a bit crazy towards the end, and I feel bitter and irritated towards everyone in the house. I think it would be reasonable for them to come 3-4 times a year, OR more frequently but for much shorter periods (long weekends).
It is an on-going fight, and DH says I'm totally out of line to want to put limits on their visits. What do you think?
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7-10 days??? wow, I'd go nuts
7-10 days??? wow, I'd go nuts too. I think long weekends (3-4 days) is good, not over-staying their welcome.
Oh wow. That's a lot of time
Oh wow. That's a lot of time to have your in-laws spend in your home! I agree with you in that long weekends every month would be ideal. How is it that they can leave their own lives behind that often?! That is a pretty significant amount of time.
Would it be feasible to start going to see them, rather than the other way around? That way you would have control on how long you stayed and saw them, etc.
I agree with you. My in-laws
I agree with you. My in-laws visit us once each year for a weekend. The other visits involve us driving for 6 hours to see them.
I would be climbing the walls in your situation.
7-10 days in a small
7-10 days in a small apartment would drive me crazy. I don't know if you have a job or not, but I would not want to come home to an apartment stuffed with people for a week or two straight.
It's really tough. They are
It's really tough. They are very nice people and everyone tries to help out, but the reality is that I come home from work and am immediately thrown into cooking, straightening up...really stressful. And yeah, I work full time.
Usually what happens is that I am just informed about these visits a few weeks before they happen, so I don't really get a say in the details. That makes everything more stressful.
Thank you for feeling my pain! How do you manage these discussions with DH? DH just seems to think I am a mean, heartless person who wants to deny his parents unfettered access to their grandkids!!!
What is wrong with a hotel?
What is wrong with a hotel?
exactly. If you don't have
exactly. If you don't have room for them you don't have room for them.
I know. I would love for them
I know. I would love for them to stay in a hotel. The problem is, we "sort of" have room for them. They sleep on an air mattress in one of the kids bedrooms -- and DH refuses to ask them to stay in a hotel. Ugh.
that is tooo much/to long. I
that is tooo much/to long. I would say 1 wknd every 2 months....otherwise they should stay in a hotel.
If they stay a couple extra days you will have to put them on the lease! lol
Yeah, a hotel would be ideal
Yeah, a hotel would be ideal -- it's just that my DH isn't ok with suggesting it to them. We live in Manhattan, and a hotel is pretty expensive...I suspect that is part of the issue, as is DH wanting his parents to have a lot of time with the kids.
I think DH feels that they will be really offended and hurt if we ask them to stay in a hotel (or shorten their trips, etc.)
whoa... that is a huge
whoa... that is a huge imposition. if i were you i would talk to the inlaws myself and be like look here. theres not enough room, and as much as i love yall, we need to cut back or yall need to get a hotel room, a camper van... something! they are expecting way too much of you.
Thank you. I think so, too. I
Thank you. I think so, too. I actually had a rational, calm conversation with DH about it last night, and it seemed like he kind of got it. The problem is that his ex-wife (his words) "never complained" so now I look like the evil biotch if I start whining about their extended visits.
It's looking like they are coming every month this summer (and they just left). Sigh.
she just got fed up. they are
she just got fed up. they are divorced, right?!