Can't have more kids because of bm!
I am just angry today. Yesterday we went to his oldest kids band concert and school and there was bm sitting in front of us (a few rows) with her toddler. He was up and down and hugging and kissing on everyone (bm's family). So why am I mad? Bm decided she was done having kids when the sd11 was born and demanded dh get a vasectomy. She refused sex until he got one done. So he gave in and got one done. Now she is remarried with a baby and I have to live with her demands. She gets to spawn with her dh and I can't. Due to some damage dh has the 2 drs that we saw said it may impact his ability to get an erection. No one wants to go messing around down there. I am so angry that she could demand this and then get to carry on with her life. I only have 1 child and she is disabled. I will most likely never get to be a grandma. All because bm decided she was done having kids. How nice of her to change her mind and have more while dh and I can't! Then I have to stare at her stupid children in my house and know they are the reason dh is fixed!
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Thanks but then the baby
Thanks but then the baby would just be mine with a donor dad. I want an us baby and so does he. I also have a child with another man and if the issue were on my side I wouldn't want a donor egg. This just isn't fair. She should not be allowed to have that baby or any others since we can't.
Me either. Unless this BM
Me either. Unless this BM held a gun to the man's head, she 'forced' nothing. Demanding and withholding sex didn't make that man walk through the doors and sign off on procedure. Dr didn't perform procedure without guys complete informed consent.
So he was just supposed to go
So he was just supposed to go without sex? He did it because he was totally in (puke) love and did what she demanded. He went 4 months without sex till she beat him down. It was abusive.
.... but not a "rogering."
.... but not a "rogering." (Snort)
I agree. BM wanted my DH to
I agree. BM wanted my DH to get snipped too. She said it would "show that he is committed to their marriage" (gag), but he knew deep down it wasn't going to work out with her, and he definitely wanted more children someday. So he didn't do it and he didn't allow himself to be bullied into it. Shoot, if BM had said she'd withhold sex until he did it, I think DH probably would have said, "promise?" She just wanted to control him. She figured if he couldn't have kids with anyone else, he would never leave her. It definitely wasn't because she didn't want more kids because she tried (but failed) to have kids with her current DH.
OP, your DH freely did this to himself, you can't blame BM. He allowed himself to be manipulated, he could have stood up to her and said no. And I'm hoping you knew he was snipped before you married him, so you willingly chose a man that could not give you children. I understand wanting to blame BM, I really do, and seeing her with another baby after she claimed she didn't want anymore has to sting, but this is ultimately on your DH, not her.
Wow, I can understand your
Wow, I can understand your frustration in not having a child with your DH but saying that BM shouldn't be allowed to have her other child or any others since you can't is pretty ridiculous and childish.
People change their minds, things happen. What if the roles were reversed and BM had her tubes tied and said that you and your DH could not have any children together because she couldn't have any, I'm sure you'd be singing a different tune.
Anyways, my DH had a reversal after TWO vasectomys (first one didn't take) and all went well. Not sure about the doctors you saw, but maybe there is someone a bit more specialized you could travel to see? If not, I know there is also a procedure where they don't reverse the vasectomy, but rather extract the sperm straight from the source! More expensive, but there's an option!
I don't think it's all
I don't think it's all ridiculous or childish. Dh got the snip because she demanded it and with held sex to make him comply. Then they divorce and she gets to have more kids? No. That isn't right. Dh wanted more kids. She forced him to do this. We don't have the money for the sperm removal. I wish we did. Maybe I can sue bm over this and make her pay for it? That would be incredible!
I come from a large family
I come from a large family who all created large families so only having one is tough for me. Sorry I offended you.
I know I am being childish. I
I know I am being childish. I wouldn't actually try and sue her. I don't blame dh. He didn't have a choice. He would have gone without sex the rest of his marriage if he didn't.
That is a choice. He had one.
That is a choice. He had one. Have medical procedure or go without sex from his spouse. That is a choice. He had a third choice. Tell her to shove it and leave. Which since they split up anyway......
Or have an affair.... I don't
Or have an affair.... I don't advocate for that but it IS another choice some make.
Ok. So your reason for
Ok. So your reason for stopping by was to be ridiculously extreme. Now prove DH isn't feeding you a line of sh*t on how/why he had the procedure. Even if true, you have no chance of proving it in court. In fact if you don't slowdown the histrionics, BM is liable to request a psych eval on you before Dad can have the skids in your presence :O
No. I was hoping for some
No. I was hoping for some people that would understand and say how horrible she was to make me feel better. }:)
I think bm just wanted
I think bm just wanted control over his reproductive rights. She wanted to be sure he wouldn't make any more kids and hers would be extra special. I could cry right now!
OMG - seriously?? Nope - the
OMG - seriously??
Nope - the person with whom you should be cross is your husband.
You really believe that she wanted him to get snipped so that she could control his reproductive rights?
You DO know how ridiculous you sound, right?
I am no BM fan, but to blame her for something YOUR husband did is outrageous.
Also, vasectomies can be reversed.
I just. I can't even.
Geez. I guess people can't
Geez. I guess people can't mouth off and have a pity party or throw a bitch fit. Bm can do what ever the hell she wants and so can I. Right now I am having a pity party bitch fit.
Do you live under a bridge,
Do you live under a bridge, by chance??
I already said I was being
I already said I was being childish and having a pity party bitch fit. Why is everyone so offended? I was kidding about suing bm. Damn. I just wanted a few pats on the back that it would be okay and we understand and yes bm is an evil witch. I guess that was to much to ask.
here's your pity party, i've
here's your pity party, i've even got balloons!!!
u're just spouting off, i know. i'm sure it just seems so unfair.
i've had pity parties for myself as dh and i never had an 'ours' baby. even if we had had one, it'd not be new for dh. yup, i have my moments of self pity that it was all with her, and not me.
pity away. *cheers*
ps- i would try a third opinion and look into artifical insem if i were you...
I just need a hug. Sorry I
I just need a hug. Sorry I bothered yall.
Hugs to you Mialanie. You
Hugs to you Mialanie. You were taken literally and I can see where you are coming from. Sometimes things just SUCK.
That BM of your skids is a no good, lying, POS, whore, seman killing BITC*!!!!!
^^^THIS
^^^THIS
Um - she isn't going through
Um - she isn't going through fertility issues, tommar.
She married a dude who had a vasectomy. THAT'S not an infertility issue.
You do realize that just
You do realize that just because he can't fire the gun, doesn't mean the chamber isn't loaded, right?
He can have Testicular Sperm Extraction!
What Salems Lot said. Going
What Salems Lot said. Going the old-fashioned way is NOT your only option.
"It's a kick in the gut when
"It's a kick in the gut when you want a baby so much and you are surrounded by people who have no business fucking up more kids, having/raising more kids."
This 1000 times THIS
I have secondary infertility issues. My school is loaded with parents who pop out kids like chicklets. It seems like all of the mommas with doorstep kids, have several cases with children services. :? : sick: :sick: I have a student with 7 siblings, the oldest is in middle school. WORK is a foul, four letter word to most of them.
While some of the OP's comments are a bit out there, I get where the anger/resentment comes from.
Ummmmm - I demanded the Hope
Ummmmm - I demanded the Hope Diamond before you did
I think you should demand Salt and Pepper Pistachios
Bah ha ha ha!!!!!
Bah ha ha ha!!!!!
As could ASS, apparently. I
As could ASS, apparently.
I guess I should post the story, huh???
I texted Echo last night to
I texted Echo last night to tell her an ASS story....should I post it for all to enjoy??
Wow... what is with people??
Wow... what is with people?? Can you let the girl vent without jumping all over her shit???
I totally get what you are saying, you're frustrated and venting about it. It's got to be a bitter pill to swallow. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten pissed over stupid shit that BM does... like BM2 nevvvveeerrr has any money, is always crying poverty, begging for more, more, more from DH.. yet she has been to the Caribbean and took a trip to California last year. I work my ass off and would LOVE to go to the Caribbean or California.. but unlike BM we actually have a mortgage (not rent on some dumpy ass apartment) 2 vehicles, horses, etc. (yes our choice) but it still pisses me off... that she works PT, gets everything handed to her and STILL bitches.
Haven't we all had a moment of green envy pissed offedness???? Maybe not... maybe everyone else is just perfect around here. But I'll be honest and say that BM sure gets under my skin from time to time... so I understand your frustration.
My issue is that she is
My issue is that she is blaming the BM for a decision that HER husband made.
I have no problem with someone venting, but to blame the BM for the choice that HER husband made, that's no bueno.
I know how you feel. I had
I know how you feel. I had the exact same thing and felt the same way. My DH's ex didn't want to have any more children and my DH being the upstanding man that he is went along with it because he truly believed they would be together forever. When they split BM went on to have another child with her new husband and even though my DH tried the reversal failed. No children for us.
Your feeling are natural and okay. Vent away if some people don't understand that is okay. It has taken several years and some days I still get angry at the hand I am dealt, but it is what it is. I am now looking at my future in a different way, I have a husband who even though we have gone through so much we are working together because we want to be together. Let yourself get angry, feel frustrated and then think about what you do have and let that be what stands out the most.
I understand your frustration
I understand your frustration and jealousy but why are you blaming the BM?
Did you not know he had a vasectomy when you married him? If he didn't reveal this before marriage, that's on him. But if you knew before you said I Do, then it was your decision.
Please get some counseling to deal with your anger. You are misdirecting it.
My DH literally got snipped 2
My DH literally got snipped 2 weeks after finding out that SS30 was conceived from a ONS years after their divorce. I am actually SO happy that this happened as 2nd wife (the bitch from hell who took her ex to court a zillion times) wanted more kids. If he had a child with her I would not be with him.
I really wanted children - but I was long past child bearing age when we met so it was a moot point. But I would have used a donor if I was younger and wanted children.
I hope you read this OP. You
I hope you read this OP. You don't need your husband to get reversed to have a baby. If you do IVF they can aspirate sperm directly from your DHs epididymis. No reversal required. Depending on your insurance IVF may even be covered. If you are young and otherwise healthy you would have a good shot at success.
The opposite happened to a
The opposite happened to a woman I worked with.
Her hubby said he only wanted 2 kids. He talked her into having her tubes tied. I'm not sure of the details and why it was her instead of him who got fixed but that's what they did. 3-4 years later they split and he went on to remarry and have 3 more kids.
She also remarried, tried to have have her tubal reversed and couldn't. She was angry and bitter that she'd listened to him. I'm not sure how her husband felt but she definitely blamed her exH and was so angry that he'd been able to have more children while she couldn't.
SO told me, just a few weeks
SO told me, just a few weeks before BM asked for a divorce, she told him that she didn't want any more children and requested that he have a vasectomy. She didn't want to have her tubes tied because of the risks and it was easier for SO to be snipped. SO agreed he would have it done as he didn't want more kids either.
A few weeks later, BM went ahead and scheduled the appointment AFTER they separated! SO told her "I no longer have reason to get snipped since we are getting a divorce"...
He told me BM was pi$$ed, and the look on her face was priceless.
Given the timing, she had to have known she wanted a divorce when she first requested the vasectomy. I assume, she only wanted it so that her kids were the only ones that SO would have and all of his attention and everything he had would only go to them.
He never had the vasectomy, but he never went on to have more children. I am sure she was worried that the possibility was there.
If my SO asked that of me
:jawdrop: If my SO asked that of me when I was 42/43, I would have dropped kicked him or snipped his nuts myself!
Sally thanks for posting
Sally thanks for posting this. I posted something similar above. I wish more women on this board knew that their DHs having a vasectomy doesn't mean they can't get pregnant.