"Doctor, it hurts when I do this."  Doctor: "Don't do that."

For your DH, sadly, this is a lather rinse repeat thing.

He does not realize that he is hurting you as he sets himself up for yet another round of heartbreak.

While SD does need clarity on her father's health, I believe strongly that she is not willing to face it or deal with it. And he laid it all out there for her.

No doubt she needs the information, but now we're back to silence.

I could have written this. DH here has a serious medical diagnosis that will eventually be fatal. Right now he's ok and could be ok for many years. Or it could take a turn for the worst tomorrow. No way to predict.

I was diagnosed with a serious illness. Treated, should be fine, but no guarantee. So I decided to loop in YSD (mid 40s). Made arrangement to see her alone. Went over his diagnosis and what she'd need to do if I predecease DH. In the next two years we saw her only when we dropped off gifts for the grandchildren. Four years in, we've seen her two additional times that were not gift drop offs. I text her each time DH goes to one of his four doctors. Sometime I get a thanks for letting me know. Most time nothing.

I have no idea if SD will step up and do right by her dad. My bios have told me that if she doesn't they will step in and do right for DH. (Why not OSD, you might ask. Well even YSD agrees that OSD should be nowhere near her dad's finances or care.)

The silence, to me, is frightening. Being an ostrich does not help. It won't change the diagnosis. Be upset at first, that's normal. Morn for what you wished, that's normal. But, now it's time to be an adult and deal with reality.

Will be the first to unplug her father's life support machine to charge her iPhone

It takes Master-level control to watch our partners abase themselves and commit other First Family foolishness. My hat is off to you, Merry.

SD should be grateful her dad is sharing that information with her and at least try to keep in touch.  I get that it's hard to accept that your parent has a health issue.  My dad had cancer and decided not to tell us that it was terminal.  I found out a week before he died that he knew the whole time that he wasn't going to survive.  He was in ICU and unable to talk due to a tube down his throat and plus he was sedated most of the time so I couldn't ask him why he didn't tell us.  I think he was trying to protect us in his own way but I had issues for a long time because of his silence.  I had to go into therapy.  I still think about it and he died 23 years ago as of Wednesday.  What's worse is my stepmother didn't know that he'd done that.  She felt terrible.  I imagine that my step siblings did know.  She would have probably told them.  

You are a stronger person than I am Merry.  My husband spent a brief period chasing his Ingrate of a son and it drove me up a wall.  I of course said something about it.  He denied it.  After a while he started to see how his oldest kid is and we don't have any dealings with him anymore.  

Merry wrote:

A few days ago, I heard DH on the phone, laughing too loudly, too long, too often. Oh, he must be talking to SS. But NOPE, it was SD.

StepHell Translation:

A few days ago, I witnessed an all-too-familiar scene in which my stepdaughter had my husband performing like a seal in a circus, clapping enthusiastically as if on cue to everything she said. He was playing the role of her yes-man, laughing excessively as though every word she uttered was so f-ing funny. He’s trained on-demand to clap like a seal in a circus act.  He did all this so that she would throw him a rotten old piece of fish of her attention.

Merry wrote:

DH had sent her a message saying that she doesn't have to talk about whatever he did to "hurt" her, but couldn't they still talk about the other things going on in their lives? Ok, he misses her. I get that.

StepHell Translation:

DH, who has raised his spawn to believe that ‘actions’ have no ‘consequences’ once again succumbed to his desperation to have his crotch dropping in his life at all costs; by not holding her accountable for her bad behavior once again, SD is dictating to him how their relationship will be and more importantly, that regardless of what she does to him all will be forgiven.  

Question: How can a person who lacks self-respect earn respect from those who disrespect him?

My DH is estranged from OSD. Why?

When my oldest stepdaughter (OSD) was 14 and wanted to start engaging in risky behaviors, my husband didn't approve or facilitate this on his time. As a result, she fully aligned herself with her mother, cutting off communication with her father. We know firsthand that she once wanted to have someone assault DH.

The girl’s mother (BM) financed OSD's ‘extended high school experience,’ which essentially became a prolonged party phase at college under the guise of education. Once the child support payments for her younger sister (YSD) were terminated about a month ago, there was a direct impact on the funds available. This cut meant that the money previously used to support OSD's college party lifestyle—where she was pursuing a degree with little serious professional value, akin to something in makeup or becoming a TikTok influencer—suddenly dried up.  OSD texted DH, telling him she wanted him to meet her girlfriend.  That’s a shocker, is OSD coming out? 

Anyway, I told DH that I thought this was strange because DH and OSD do not have a relationship—why does she want him to meet her friend? But, like all Disneyland (Addicted to their Spawn) Daddies, DH aggressively shot me down and didn’t want to hear it when I pointed out that history was repeating itself:

History seems to have a way of repeating itself with my oldest stepdaughter (OSD). When she first started college, she developed a particular pattern:

She would invite her dad, whom she saw as the 'Bank of Dad,' to meet one of her friends, setting up a seemingly casual encounter.  Think – buttering up the pig before the slaughter.

Once her dad felt ‘warm and fuzzy’ from their initial meeting, she'd schedule another 'date' with her Daddy-O.

During this second meeting, her true motive would emerge—she'd attempt to secure a financial 'withdrawal' from the Bank of Dad to support her partying lifestyle.

I suspect that the BM is behind it, cleverly designed to manipulate DH into funding OSD extracurricular activities under the guise of spending quality time together.

OSD: I know we haven’t spent any time together, Daddy-O. But I want that to change.

DH: I want that, too. When should we meet again, daughter?

OSD: My rate is $130 per hour. We can spend five hours each month together shopping for my stuff and dining (me). That comes to $650 per month for my Rent-a-Daughter Fee.  There’s also a $1,000 retainer fee too. How will you be paying for that? Check or cash?

DH: You can have a relationship with ME but not my MONEY. 

What happened after that - OSD immediately disappeared from his life, and DH has been stonewalled for the last two and a half years. 

Now that BM probably can’t finance OSD anymore, BM is probably encouraging OSD to ‘reconnect’ with DH; the Crotch Goblin Money Grab is on.  

Looking at history, I told DH that he should stand up for himself and tell OSD that he would meet with her but not with her friends. The BM PASed OSD a long time ago, brainwashing her to believe DH is ‘dangerous,’ so she always had to be ‘cautious. Caution, except when OSD goes in for the kill during her Money Grab. 

For once in his life, I told him he should try to live on his terms—not hers. By meeting with OSD in the company of a ‘friend’, he buys into the BM’s and OSD’s delusion of him being dangerous. Also, OSD wants someone there so DH doesn’t try to get her to account for her bad behavior. Again, I wouldn’t suffer the fool of her folly. But, DH….When I told him this, he reacted aggressively, shutting me down. It's like he wants to see his little baby. When do these men realize that their whittle babies are grown-ass adults and should treat these Skids like adults?  If another adult treated DH the way OSD has, he wouldn't take such treatment laying down.   

I am pretty sure DH knows I will not be going with him when he meets his Crotch Goblin when she restarts her Crotch Goblin Cash Grab, so DH hasn’t responded back to OSD yet.

SPawn whiped failed adults seem to nearly universily suffer from failed family spawn butt sniffing syndrome disorder (FFSBSSD).

"Daddy/Mommy, sniff and lick my ass while you hand me money and I'll pretend you matter for about an hour or so!"

"Oh my darling child, bend over and I will gladly comply!  Thank you so much for  allowing me to pay while I sniff your ass my golden gonad goblin! I wub you sooooo much!"

Meanwhile a severe bout of nausea later and back at the follow on marriage ranch.... the Sparent/Spouse is trying not to throw up all over the idiot failure of a mate who is yet again sniffing failed family baggage Skid butt and lapping up the turd balls on the sub-human skid's hairy ass pretending they like it. Or... maybe they do..