Being the on-call babysitter
My SO got a text from the BM earlier today that she "can't take SS" for her scheduled time this weekend (the weekend consists of Thursday thru Monday because that is when SS doesn't have preschool). The reason? Because SS's teenage half-sister who lives with BM will be "out of town." So pretty much BM is saying she can't take her own kid because her other kid won't be home to watch him!!!
So where does that leave me? That's right. I'm expected to cancel my plan for a relaxing kid-free weekend and take care of SS INSTEAD OF HIS OWN MOM.
I pointed out to SO that I have plans with a friend for tomorrow night and we have plans to go to a play on Friday night and I don't want to cancel. The conversation went really well from that point on:
SO: Well I'm sorry for ruining your life.
Me: You're not ruining my life, but I need to know about this stuff in advance. I need to be able to make plans.
SO: Well I guess I wouldn't know since I never get to make plans.
This is about SO's chip on his shoulder that he is a primary caregiver to his own child and therefore his free time is severely limited. So apparently this means that because I am in a relationship with him, my free time should also be up for grabs. So now I am the bad guy for wanting to have some freaking boundaries and not have to take care of SS whenever BM doesn't feel like being a parent. And if I don't want to do that, SO gets mad and probably concludes that I am selfish and unreasonable and I don't love SS.
So mad right now I could spit.
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Comments
Well remind him you didn't
Well remind him you didn't choose to have unprotected sex with BM. You have a life and the SS is not your responsibility at all times. Where will he be? Why can't he call his family or friends to help on on the time you can't and have plans.
good for you for setting boundries.
My SO works nights. So in
My SO works nights. So in the evening I am the sole caregiver and for the weekend mornings as well, because SO has to sleep.
I sort of knew this would happen. I was just soooo looking forward to a nice peaceful weekend and I had this horrible feeling there would be some sort of drama. Sure enough.
I KNOW! Why can't SO leave
I KNOW! Why can't SO leave it between him and BM? Why do I have to be the evil stepmother? The fact is SO would rather SS be with us 24/7, so anytime BM doesn't want to take him he sees it as a win. Whereas I see it as infringing on my life and messing with the predictability of my schedule.
That is a great idea! But, it
That is a great idea!
But, it does infringe upon your life.
I would consider not changing your plans. If SO allows BM to change the schedule, it is his resposibility to parent his child.... you don't have to change your plans. Lack of planning on BM's part and lack of backbone on SO's part doesn't have to create an emergency for you.
Go on with your plans and enjoy yourself. Get a girlfriend to go with you instead of SO...
And have fun!! Don't be upset with SO... let him see you as being supportive.... "You're a great day, I know you don't want to waste this opportunity. It's no problem." But also let him know that you aren't going to mope and allow the situation to ruin your good time.
You are a beautiful, fun, independent woman!
Yep - I'm right with you on
Yep - I'm right with you on this - my SO is the same.
And if I dare to be annoyed when BM changes the arrangements (yet again) and at a moments notice I'M the one being unreasonable -
"don't you like my kids" "would you prefer I took them out somewhere without you instead?" "they are my kids - it's my responsibility to be there for them!"
makes me SO angry, that he doesn't even bother to consult me, see if we have anything else planned, just jumps whenever she snaps her fingers - had SS8 Tuesday night (not normal) while SD11 slept over at a friends, then he and SS had to drive an hour to pick up SD, then go to BM's house and clean the pool and re-plant a tree which had fallen over... then home to me, where I had to feed them etc. It was a public holiday yesterday and OH and I needed some quiet relaxing time, but BM snaps her fingers and off he trots - like bloody Pavlov's dog!
Why is your DH cleaning the
Why is your DH cleaning the pool and replanting a tree @ BM's house? That would piss me off more than anything else. Lol.