DH & I have had to deal with this same thing about 4 years ago. SD16(who was 12 at the time) would decide at the last minute that she didn't want to come. A few times she would wait until we were at the exchange place and then say she didn't want to come. A few times DH physically removed her from BMs car, kicking & screaming. But the SD got smart and she would call DH 1/2 an hour before time to meet with an excuse....but the two she used alot were BM & SF were going somewhere & she wanted to go with them or she'd ask if we were going to take them anywhere or do something fun. After about the 5th phone call from SD16 saying she wasn't coming, but SD13(at the time was 9) was. DH finally told SD16, that's fine but if you continue to not come on the scheduled visitation...don't come on special occasions, the holidays, or your birthday and expect to be included or receive gifts. After DH told her that, we didn't see SD16 for 3 or 4 months. Then she decided to start visiting again and told us that it was because of the things BM was telling her about us on why she wouldn't come visit. So my best advice to you is....don't force her to come. But tell her if she doesn't come on the regular scheduled visits, don't bother coming on the special ones. It eventually worked for us with SD16. Best of luck to you.

I wish it was like this. We got served two months ago that SD14 no longer wanted to live with us. Now DH has given up custody for BM and still it is not enough. She announced last week that SD14 is traumatized and now she wants CS to the tune of 1400 a month. I wish SD just decided to no longer come here. But, instead she decided to take it to court and let us drop thousands of dollars to just give up custody anyway.

My suggestion is do not force her, the courts will side with the 14 year old anyway. All you are doing is putting your DH and you through hell in the meantime.

I'm curious as to whether or not this will happen with SD11 as well. SD11 lives with BM and there is almost 20 miles between our homes, which actually are in two different states. Since she goes to school from BMs house and they live in a large lower-income apartment complex with a lot of kids, that is where all of SD11's schoolmates and friends are. Since we live in a house and SD11 spends ~90% her time when she visits us eow in her room on the internet and watching TV, she has never sought out, met or befriended any children her age in our neighborhood. On-top of this, BM is never home and always leaves SD11 home with her 16yo sister so there is very little adult supervision there. SD11 has a Facebook page and also likes boys and from what I've gathered based on some of her recent writings left in the room after her visits she actually has a "goal" of talking to one boy in particular "as much as possible" this summer.

All that said, I wonder if we will be reaching a point soon where SD11 will no longer want to exercise every visit with H? Besides the fact that the new agreement that H & I came to for the sake of saving our marriage means that SD11 will have to abide by house rules and be treated like the other children in the house with age-appropriate expectations and responsibilities and discipline and no "guilty Disney daddy" special treatment (like always having to take her someplace fun and buy her something) when she visits, H also recently took away SD11's cell phone after she went over her minutes talking to said boy (she was actively trying to achieve her goal!), and I already think her wanting to go home on Sunday morning versus Monday afternoon on the Memorial Day Holiday weekend after H took away her cell phone on Saturday afternoon was a taste of this. (BM has a landline phone, but we only have cell phones.) Further, my BS6 and BS1 are obviously boys and so much younger, so there is nothing "fun" for her siblings, and with no friends, H sleeping 75% of her visit weekends and there never being a moment when there isn't an adult in the house, I'm just wondering if it will get to the point in the next couple years where SD11 will prefer to stay at home more often than exercising her eow visits unless we are doing something fun or she is getting something?

I guess we'll see...