SD13 is having sibling issues
After a detailed conversation with SD13's BM this evening we have learned of a new fun game SD13 has been playing. When SD13 is with us she complains about BM's other kids; sibs sis11 and bro9. She says they steal from her, break her things, lie, smoke, swear, etc...and there are no consequences yet SD13 gets in trouble all the time.
She is telling BM that when she is with us SD4 (DH's other child who shares EOW visition) is whiny, braty, mean, spoiled, and that she gets to do whatever she wants and we treat SD13 like a little kid. This is just not true as I'm sure what she says about BM's other kids isnt either.
We have come to the conclusion that SD13 cant stand sharing the time or attention of either of her parents.
Has this happened in your family? Do you address it or let it be so as not to antagonize? Was there another cause of this behavior that we are overlooking?
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She also tries to keep her BM
She also tries to keep her BM & BF from talking. I think she doesn't want them to compare stories and realize what she is doing. She wants complete and total attention all of the time to be on her and she acts "victimized" that it cant be. Her siblings are her biggest burden. She sees SD4 twice a month. She's 4, she does command attention but we in know way disregard SD13! I don't know what to do for SD13 to make her happier and I don't know if that's even possible. I'm certainly not going to treat SD4 differently to please SD13. We do try to take SD13 on occasion for extra days just her and she seems to like that although that doesn't help the joint EOW visits she has to share with her little sister. We also don't think swapping their weekends and having one come one weekend and one the other is viable either. They are sisters and we think that whether its to SD13's disdain or not, they need to have a relationship. SD4 would be devastated if she knew SD13 didn't want her around and although she says it I am pretty sure that SD13 would miss her little sister and want her to be with us if she weren't. I really think her constant sibling complaints are attention seeking. So, what if anything do we do?
For a while not long ago, and
For a while not long ago, and occ still, my God kids (8&9) were telling their mom that they didn't want to go to their dad's because of dad's GF and her kids and how the God kids were "treated." Then, they told dad they didn't want to go to mom's because of how mom and mom's bf treat kids. They were totally pushing the boundaries of the situation, seeing what they could get away with. I think, to a degree, this is normal behavior of kids testing to see what they can get away with. It just so happens that in a situation of divorce or parents not together, there's that extra "ability" to get away with things because there can be less communication between the adults. I'd say the best bet is to keep the communication open and honest about what SD says and what is going on between the two houses so the parents are on the same page. Plus, if SD has the perception of or sees the parents communicating, she'll know she can't get away with as much as she acts like a teenager. Good luck.
Thank you. I agree, and I'm
Thank you. I agree, and I'm trying not to take the things she said personally but that is kind of tricky.