Just recieved this email from BM...anyone have any suggestions, feedback.
Daughter is having a horrible week. Screaming at teacher's, throwing things, refusing to do her work. I don't know what to do. We have tried every punishment that we can think of and nothing has worked. Short of starting to do physical things like putting gross things in her mouth or I don't know what I don't have any answers. I called the principal today to speak with him but I doubt he will call me back since he didn't before. I left a message with Education Service Agency. I think she needs to be looked at or someone needs to point us in the direction of counseling because I am at a complete loss and I don't know how she is going to make it through school at all next year. Getting punished at home doesn't seem to have any affect at all. She doesn't complain about anything at school. She isn't upset with her teachers. It's like she just doesn't want to do it anymore. If Education Service Agency can't point me in the right direction I am going to call her pediatrician. Maybe they can refer her to a counselor. If the counselor can't help her maybe they can tell me how to deal with her.
- Any insight, thoughts, and advice would be helpful. BM sounds desperate and I have helped her all I can....I'm out of ideas other then the ones she already mentioned above. (I suggested counseling, testing months ago)
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Comments
I wouldn't wait for Education
I wouldn't wait for Education Service Agency. I would take her straight to the Dr and get her some help. Something is going on with this kid.
She is in kindergarten. She
She is in kindergarten. She is 5...will be 6 in August. We will not beat her, starve her, or enslave her. LMAO (sorry)
We have however removed her toys and belongings stripping her room, we have made her loose priveledges, I do believe she has gotten at least a few spankings from SD at her BM's, she claims she has been slapped across the face (BM denies), she has missed out on fun activities....nothing seems to impact her. She does not seem unhappy at school or home. She loves everyone and aims to please all of her parents as much as possible.
I agree that if we have tried all that we can try and she is not improving then she should be evaluated. My DH has ADHD and who knows what else that his mom never got him treated for. These things are genetic right? She kind of gives me the "Oppositional Defiance Disorder" vibe.
The problem is that she is well behaved at home typically. Sure she is no angel but she doesn’t scream at her parents, throw things at us, or blatantly refuse to do what she is told. How can she have a disorder only at school? Know what I mean? She is lacking a serious respect for adults in general. She seems to show the most respect BM & I. She is nice to everyone else on her terms but if they want her to do something she doesn’t want to do she will look to BM or I to see if she really has to and completely disregard and/or disrespect them. I just see that being more behavioral/parenting issue then a medical one...but who knows and it wouldn’t hurt to check.
Your SD sounds like my SS at
Your SD sounds like my SS at that age and we still have smaller problems with this every once in a while. The only thing that helped was to have him write sentences to whoever was being disrespected or the work not being finished. He would throw a fit, cry, stomp his feet, etc...ALOT at first and slowly it diminished. He still does this to a point when he gets into trouble, but it is not as bad and not as long. AND he has realised that he will stay in his room until it is finished. And if he doesn't finish it, he can do it in the morning and again the next day after school. We did not give in. ALSO....picking up the dog poop in the back yard works! Wow! Does that work! I also took him with me so that he could apologize to the person that he was being disrespectful to.
It sounds to me like she is
It sounds to me like she is dealing with some emotional issues that only while she's at school does she allow them to come out. When she's at home she's trying to be on her best behavior to make everyone happy. (but obviously something is making her unhappy, even if she won't tell you about it and says school is fine)
I found this article I thought was relevant.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_what-to-do-at-home-if-your-child-is-having-b...
You already tried punishments, and they didn't work. Instead they probably just make her even more cautious about trying to be "nice" when she's at home. But it doesn't solve the school issue. Maybe a softer approach would work to try and understand why she is behaving that way. (in fact, punishments at home could actually be making the anger at adults worse. She doesn't want to get angry at her parents so she gets angry at other adults.)
Counseling might be good, but it might be good for all the parents + the child. Just so you can figure out where this behavor is coming from and what emotions are causing her to lash out at adults at school.
I agree, it doesn't really sound like a medical issue. It sounds more like an emotional issue. She's still pretty little, not a teenager who can look at the whole situation and see how her behavior is wrong.
No offense onmyway, but your
No offense onmyway, but your methods and enthusiasum are a bit disturbing.
each to his own. I've seen
each to his own.
I've seen a lot of damage from mind games and controlling type punishments once the kids become adults, so i guess it isn't something i would personally choose.
But, everyone has their own parenting style.
I'm from a family of 11 kids, and currently have 28 neices/nephews and my parents or siblings have never needed to use that style, so of course i'm going to be bias.
We've been sent to our rooms, or even gotten a spanking once in awhile, but the worst punishment was when our parents told us how dissapointed they were with us. I guess some kids wouldn't care about that though.
In my family, getting upset or angry at someone never fixed anything and the more someone tries to exert control the more you want to rebel. It was only when my parents took us aside, and had a talk with us and told us how they were dissapointed by our behavior and how it made them feel bad and made them feel like they hadn't done a good job as a parent that really seemed to get through.
It was too easy to feel angry at them when they were being "mean" and punishing us in some way. (which wasn't even that often, so i guess we weren't that terrible) Much harder to feel angry at them when they were being all loving and supportive and trying to understand why we were misbehaving. That worked for our personalities. (we still had plenty of rules though, and we never felt like they were pushovers either, which i guess could happen easily if parents seem to easy going on their kids)
Raising kids means you will always have a little of both of these aspects. But, in my family at least, Love energy was more effective than Fear Energy.
http://amandalinehan.com/fear-energy-vs-love-energy/
(explains what i mean about fear/love energies)
It's an interesting concept to think about when we are dealing with our children or even other people in general.
When she is older I will
When she is older I will definitely do the chores, sentences route...but at 5 that is to extreme. BM and I are discussing counseling for her and parenting classes for BM. I have even volunteered to take one with her so that she and I will remain on the same page. The ball is in BM's court though...we will see where she goes from here. Thanks everyone for your insight.