I read alot of posts on here and although I can empathize, I dont often relate because as blended families go, I have one of the better situations. I am pretty lucky as I dont get alot of crap from the two BM's in my life and I have decent to excellent relationships with my step daughters. However let me tell you a bit about BM of SD14.
BM got prego with SD14 when she was 17, and had her at 18. My DH and BM broke up before SD14 was born. Being a young mother BM left SD14 with her mom (GMA) for the first year of SD's life. When SD was 3 months old BM hooked up with BM's EXH. When SD was 1yo BM requested a blood test and child support from my DH. The blood test was done, he was found to be the father, and an order of support was issued. Due to the fact that DH had never even seen his child, and he was being raised by someone else, he decided to not pursue a relationship/visitation. BM got married to EXH, had two kids of there own, and SD never knew that BM's H was not her father. Fast forward SD is 5, BM & EXH decide to get a divorce. EXH takes two younger kids and leave. SD5 is concerned that he will take her. BM informs SD5 that he wont because he is not her father. He then shows up at DH's moms on Christas with SD5 basically says "Heres your kid, I want you to be a dad now". DH was floored, DH's gf at the time was floored, SD5 was shocked and terrified. DH and BM made the agreement at that time that he would take SD every weekend. He did so for two years. During that time BM got divorced. DH's relationship with his GF got bad, and then he found out GF was prego. History repeated itself and things got REALLY bad and before his new baby was born DH and his GF broke up. DH moved in with his mom as he had no other option, and because his moms residence is not a good place for a kid he stopped his regular weekend visits. BM and GF put there heads together and decided to left GF continue with DH's visits "because he wasn't important anyways, and its more important that siblings bond". DH of course was very upset about this, but due to his unwillingness to deal with either BM at the time, his lack of funds, and lack of support of family or friends he didnt do anything about it. His 2nd daughter was born to GF. DH got another CS order and an order for "reasonable visitation". DH only saw SD5 at the time on the rare occassion that when he went to see his baby that she happened to be there visiting GF. He sucked it up, but inside it infuriated him. I came into the picture when the baby was 10mo. I started going with him on his visitations to see baby when she was 1.5. We went regularly, twice a week. On occassion older daughter would be there, it was very awkward between DH and his oldest child. When older SD was 11 and youngest was 3 I finally convinced DH to pursue a relationship with his oldest daughter before it was to late. When she was 11 he contacted her on the internet and through her set up a meet. The meet went successfully and SD informed her BM that she wanted to start seeing her dad regularly again. (not through XGF) BM agreed (after some drama of course) and we began getting my my oldest SD when she was 11. We got married when she was 12 and she is now 14. During the time that SD was having visitation with EXGF BM and her other kids baby daddy got remarried. Right after my DH and I got married BM and her DH got divorced AGAIN for the 2nd time. She claimed he was mentally and physically abusive to her and the kids, she freaked out when he again kidnapped the younger two and she had to go to court to fight to get him to bring them back. She even had my DH testify on her behalf. (I encouraged him to at the time) She started dating an 18 year old (She was 30) and she lost her job at McDonalds, her house, her car, and had to move in to her moms. (who she hates) Another 2 years later and BM is sick of being broke, sick of being stuck at her moms, she wants a car and a house again...so she dumps now 20 yr old bf. One week later she is asking her EXHx2 to go with her and their kids (and SD14) to the zoo, to the lake, family BBQ's etc. EXH has a GF. She is going through psycho BM hell. I dont know her...but I cant help but read this website and think of her. I would love to tell her to cut her losses. I would love to refer her to this site. BM will not give up. She feels like her life is owed to her as she remembers it. I watch and I empathize but than I am also greatful that it is not my DH that she fixates on.