Step Hell: wanted to get your take on another woman's situation
I have to start by saying that L, the woman I'm writing about, is not exactly a friend. She is an acquaintance only and not someone I would feel compelled to befriend. However, her situation is so bad that I am really hurting for her.
L's wedding was about 3 months ago. It was her first marriage with no previous children. Her now husband (here referred to as Prince Charming) has been divorced about two years and has 3 daughters from that marriage.
During the wedding, I found out that Prince Charming had formerly slept with two of the bridesmaids and that Prince Charming and the bridesmaids had made a pact not to tell L about it. From my knowledge, the sexual encounters took place before his relationship with L. However, I find it highly inappropriate that neither Prince Charming nor the bridesmaids did anything in order to stop L from unknowingly having women in her wedding ceremony who had previously slept with her husband.
Another woman was highly involved in the wedding (we'll call her Slim because she weighs about 90 pounds). Slim's flirtatious behavior toward Prince Charming during the wedding process has enraged pretty much everyone involved, but Prince Charming insisted on having her around. Slim even went so far as to give Prince Charming a lap dance at their bachelor/bachelorette party. At that same party, Slim broke down and started crying about how Prince Charming was her best friend and she just couldn't believe that he was getting married.
Well, I just found out that Slim was actually Prince Charming's mistress during his previous marriage. So, Prince Charming and Slim disappearing into a separate dressing room an hour before the wedding was probably exactly what it looked like.
And it doesn't end there. Prince Charming has been telling all his friends that he's furious with L because she doesn't want to have sex with him. I believe he thinks this justifies the fact that he has been leaving his kids at home with L while he is out having sex with other women at his friends' houses.
I have no idea what to do about this situation or if I should do anything about it at all. I know that if the situation was reversed, I would want someone to tell me what was happening. However, any time I have tried to be emotionally supportive of L in the past, she has been very offish and made it clear that she did not want to talk.
I guess I just see this young woman throwing her life away on a man who has made absolutely no effort to be a real husband to her.
What would you do in this situation, keeping in mind that L and I are not friends and that she is not the easiest person to approach?
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Comments
Send her an anonomous letter.
Send her an anonomous letter. I have a freind who found out her fiancee was cheating via an anonomous letter, she was very greatful to the writer believe me.
could you get this site to
could you get this site to her? maybe the rest of us being strangers can help?
This is what I'm worried
This is what I'm worried about. She seems naturally a bit defensive about alot of things, so finding out that EVERYONE knows about what's going on and that her DH made her look like an idiot at her own wedding may just be too much.
On the other hand, I truly would want someone to tell me. So, I'm really confused.
I was under the impression
I was under the impression that the bridesmaids prince charming slept with were her best friends. both of them moved away shortly afterwards, so i don't think she has any friends at all outside of her husband's group, and all of them want nothing to do with this mess.
I actually don't want to see
I actually don't want to see Prince Charming get what's coming to him at all. I knew him before I knew her, and he has always seemed like a really nice person. That is part of the reason I am so shocked at his behavior.
I just feel really guilty not saying anything. Being a step parent is hard enough, but putting in all that extra work for someone who is not even committed to the relationship just seems so horrible to me.
She is also very young (26 or 27) and still has a chance to have a normal life.
If your not friends...I
If your not friends...I wouldn't...Know the saying...Shoot the messanger...Yah dont bother...If she was a friend than yes but not being....NO!!!
This is sort of my take on
This is sort of my take on the situation. I would want to know if I were in L's shoes, and it wouldn't matter to me who told me. I'd just want to know.
I thought it was really sad that L's big day was turned into a joke by her DH and her bridesmaids. I thought after that, her DH would feel guilty and things would normalize, but apparently they are just getting worse.
I don't stick my nose in other people's business. I'm actually sort of a hermit usually. It's just that Prince Charming has been talking to everyone about his misery with the marriage, and Slim has not been very inconspicuous at all. I forgot to add this to an earlier post, but I walked in on Slim sucking on Prince Charming's ear one night at a party over a year ago. At the time, I was trying to be optimistic and told myself that she was a hussy taking advantage of a drunk guy. What's worse is that L, Prince Charming's then fiance, was in the other room waiting for him.
The reason I know Prince Charming and L is because Prince Charming was a close friend of my DH's until all this started up. DH actually went off on him the other night (due to his behavior) and hasn't spoken to him since. I am very worried that L is going to end up with a disease, or pregnant, or pregnant AND diseased before she realizes it is time to leave the relationship. The girls Prince Charming is cheating with are extremely promiscuous (as is Prince Charming apparently) and L is very sheltered and was apparently a virgin before she met Prince Charming.
The whole thing just sucks.
I agree with the anonymous
I agree with the anonymous letter. No messenger than to shoot. But, if she is a good friend I would tell her directly. Let the chips fall where they may...
I agree with the anonymous
I agree with the anonymous letter if this is weighing on your conscience. There is the possibility that she knows her husband is cheating, but is turning a blind eye because she just got married and doesn't want to believe it. If she receives a letter and does nothing about it, it's on her. I can see where she would be hesitant to believe that he is doing these things so soon after their wedding, but men aren't the most inconspicuous cheaters. They start sneaking around, locking their phones, getting mad for no reason, working out, etc. If anything she must at least have a gut feeling.
I like the anonymous letter
I like the anonymous letter and putting the ball in her court if it's not already there. I don't want her to feel forced or shamed into doing something about the situation, but if she doesn't know I think she has the right to.
I think maybe she does have
I think maybe she does have an idea and that's why she's resisting sex with him. Maybe. I don't know. I just keep thinking about how horrible it would be if she didn't know and no one told her.
I'm SOOO sorry about what you
I'm SOOO sorry about what you went through. That is exactly what I am afraid of L having to go through. If she knows and chooses to do nothing, that would be her choice. If she doesn't know, then what choice does she have?
I also appreciate your idea about talking it over with DH. So far he is pretty worried about me upsetting the group by getting into Prince Charming's business. I understand that, too.
I have been in this situation
I have been in this situation as the messenger and the receiver of the bad news :O
In the first case my BFF was dating my husband's (at the time) best friend I'll call him M. We all went to HS together and graduated shortly after that husband and I were married. BFF wanted desperately to marry M but he was busy stringing her along and screwing around with many other girls. I knew something was up but my husband was not going to rat out his friend. I did find out who his current fling was completely by accident. I felt it was my duty as a friend to tell my BFF. I immediately told her everything I knew. She completely flipped out ON ME!!! I was devastated here I thought I was helping her but she turned on me with a vengeance!!! She tried even harder to get M to marry her he eventually left her at the altar and she has gone on and married someone else. We were close again but it was never the same.
In my case a friend of mine called me out of the blue to tell me that my husband was cheating on me. I knew deep down but didn't want to admit it to myself. I was glad for the information as it helped when we finally did divorce. I was glad someone told me.