How to help FDH cope?
Well, in the words of my FDH "BM has made him feel like a pick-pocketed sperm donor". The original CO: BM has sole legal and physical custody (royal scam on her part), FDH has EOW visitation, rotating holidays, and pays $300/month in CS.
For the last year and 1/2, DH and I have been working w/ BM to "prove" to her that joint custody is a good thing for not only us, but also for my SD5. We were working on a "trial schedule" increasing our time to EOW, plus every Tues and every Fri. And we also cut the CS in 1/2 to $150. So we had SD5 for 12 days a month and we were able to buy her stuff while she was with us. Things were going great!!
For whatever reason, BM decides this isn't working for her. I personally think it's the $ aspect. So now she is re-enforcing the original CO, and we only get to see SD5 EOW....4 days a month! My question is for anyone who has gone through something like this. How did you help your FDH cope? I'm trying to be there for him, and support him as much as I can. But he is just heartbroken! I don't know what to do!! Any advice?
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I feel your pain. It's hard
I feel your pain. It's hard to be the person watching the FDH go through the pain of not being able to see their child as much as they want to. I know mine would just die if our arrangement was lowered to every other weekend. Especially since you have the sneaking suspicion that she just wants more money - which means this is not about the kids. I guess I don't have that much advice to give because it just seems that most child support/custody rulings are so inflexible and once they are made it it so hard to change it. You would have to somehow find a way to prove that more visitation would be in the best interest of the child. As far as I hear, there are two schools of thought: 1 is that it is better for a child to be at one household more often because it creates more of a sense of home, belonging, and stability. The 2nd way of thinking is that it is better for the child to get the best of both worlds, and that they spend as much time possible with BOTH parents.
I can see both sides but in our situation the BM uses her custody to get money, and then carts the kids off to grandma's on her weekends or gives them to a babysitter, whereas we would love to take the kids those extra nights...
Getting back to your FDH's coping though, I know he probably feels helpless, as mine does. The best advice is to talk to a lawyer again. Also talk to teachers to see if the child is coping well with the current situation as that could play in to a new custody arrangement. If the child has adjusted well to this schedule then no judge would ever deem that a change should be made (at least that is what a lawyer, foster care worker, and CPS workers that I am friends with have all told me) and your man will have to "deal" with his feelings... sooo frustrating, I know. I've been looking around our town for a support group for dads like this because I think it would help my FDH to at least be able to talk about this stuff with someone. Sorry this was probably not the best advice but it's at least what I know!