Am I wrong? Seriously, I am so confused
Ok, a bit of background.
We are SUPPOSED to have OH's kids every Thursday (was Weds) and EOWE.
Only since mid December we've had them every weekend except two. Not all weekend every time, but sometimes all w/end, and sometimes just a day and night. Enough that we haven't had a lot of couple time.
So, 2 weeks ago yet again, BM asked OH to have them as she's stuck for a babysitter and had to work. baby sitter pulled out at the last minute I was told.
Not happy, but ok. So it was made clear that he was dropping them off at 9pm. no if's buts or maybes. So we should have still had the rest of the evening.
It got later and later and he showed no signs of getting tea ready, so I asked him exactly what time he was leaving to drop kids off (should have been half 
He said "oh, 9, 9:30 whenever!"
Naturally I was annoyed, and I expressed that to him.
then a bit later something else he said sounded dodgy so I asked specifically what was going on.
It turns out that yes, BM was at work, then going to a party way over the other side of town, so she planned for her dad to babysit skids. no drama only grandad had a old peoples party to go to, was quite happy to take skids. Only SD didn't want to go, she decided she would prefer to go to dads. So SHE asked dad if they could come here, he squared it with BM, THEN told me the lies above....
MAJOR fight ensued. It got VERY ugly. I was so hurt and upset that yet again he had lied to me - he got very angry that I called him a liar, he has lied by ommisson many many times. We start talking properly, then he had to leave to take them home. Should have taken an hour 15 tops. and he tells me he will be right back etc.
2 and a half hours later he comes home. I said "wow that took a long time, any problems?" He says "I needed time to think so I sat for a while after I dropped them off"
Today. DD10 receives pics on her ipod from ss9 - showing the two of them and OH yucking it up having a great old time at Hungry Jacks. I know this was taken either of two nights - the night above or last Thursday (see previous blog) so either way I am upset and hurt.
I texted him and nicely asked when he took them to HJ's?
He said he doesn't recall going there in ages, and why?
I said well it was either of these two nights, and I am hurt by it.
He said it was the above night as he wanted to talk to them about the fight (accused me of throwing a glass which never happened) and how they aren't used to that kind of violence blah blah.
I again said considering what that fight was about I was really hurt and upset that he lied to me - he claims no lie, any why should he have to tell me everything they do? UMMMM because I asked a direct question and you didn't say the truth so yes that's a lie in my book? And considering what we were fighting about and HOW OFTEN he omits details I have asked him over and over to be scrupulously honest with me, and it feels like he put having a good time with them above sorting things with me, and I am so angry and hurt and I don't even fucking know what at the moment, but I am so close to being done with him right now.
So, AM I WRONG to expect to be told the truth especially in this situation?
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Comments
wow! Lies, Lies, Lies all
wow! Lies, Lies, Lies all around. No you're not wrong, not at all. What are you going to do???
I would be livid. I
I would be livid. I especially hate lies by ommission.
I think I might get to the
I think I might get to the heart of the matter. He's a coward. His lies and bullshit have nothing to do with you. He has no courage, no backbone. That can be evidence of a character flaw or inner confusion. I hope it's the latter. He needs to be clear about his priorities and orient his behavior to reflect his priorities. So if his priority is pretending with the ex that they are still a happy little family when the childrens' divorced parents decide to do that (e.g., going out to dinner at hungry jack's), ok, be honest about it. NO ONE ever gets away with playing both sides of the deck and the sooner he realizes that, the better off everyone will be. Jesus, honesty is NOT that difficult.
Sorry - I was rushing and
Sorry - I was rushing and very upset earlier, so I wasn't clear.
BM didn't ask for the extra time - SD did, BM was ok with it, but it wasn't for her convenience.
And BM wasn't at HJ's with them, that was just OH and the skids. He left here promising me he would be quick and we would finish our discussion re his lying about "BM needing a babysitter" as opposed to "SD wants to pick and choose and control every fucking one" Instead of being quick he stopped off with the skids at HJ's (for those who don't know - a McDonalds type fast food chain) and SS and SD took loads of photo's of the three of them laughing and pulling faces and having a whale of a time... SS posted a collage of these on his instagram which my daughter showed me today (neither kids know this was a potential problem)
I asked him (knowing it was either of two occasions exactly when it had been, he denied at first but when pushed said it was the night of this fight. When he had gotten home that night way later than he should have been I had asked him what had taken so long and he said He needed to clear his head so after dropping off the kids he stopped to think for a while.
MY issue is that he lies to me constantly, I have no huge issue with the HJ's thing - ok, it was inappropriate to have gone off and had a ball with them when he knew I was waiting here upset, but he LIED about it.
And now is denying it, and basically saying that I am at fault because he shouldn't have to tell me everything he does, HE is the parent and how dare I question him about what he chooses to do, he is NOT answerable to me. He denies lying.
I told him not to bring the skids here tonight. He said he was going to anyway. I said that I had locked all the security doors, and that if he wanted me to pack him a bag to leave in the garage I would, or if he wanted to talk properly that was ok too. He said he would come by the house (I was out) and grab some stuff - he would "find a way in". I said I would prefer he didn't as I didn't want the house left un-secure for me and my dd's, and that just for once I would like it if he could actually respect what I have asked for and not just do as he pleases.
Heard nothing back. Got home, nothing of his appears to have been taken, the house seems secure. Toothbrush etc all still here - so I think "wow, he actually listened to me" and was actually hopeful... for all of 5 minutes.
DD's are flying interstate to their dad's first thing tomorrow so I went upstairs to help them pack. Walk past ss's room and notice a huge Easter Egg box all ripped open on his floor.... *I* bought all the kids Easter eggs. We hadn't seen his kids until he picked them up today, so their Easter eggs were in my cupboard when I left the house this afternoon.
Came down and checked, he has picked out the best half and given them to the kids.
And now I think he intends to come back here at some point tonight as his stuff is all still here.
Do I want that? At this point no I don't.
I don't want this to be over, but by the same token I am not prepared to keep this going unless HE gets his shit together.
SO.
I will start another blog - and I really need helpful advice as I intend to print it out and pass it on to him. I am not getting through and I don't know what else to do.