I agree. One of my friends recommended having a police officer talk to both of the kids to explain to them what happens in the real world when they intentionally damage other people's property.

Their problems are so multi-faceted that I don't even know where to begin. On the one hand they have a mother who has a criminal record and who they witness lie all the time. They watch their mother change her story to fit whatever it is that she is trying to get out of a situation. And she is never held accountable for it - not by the people in her life and not by the law. That woman has been allowed to run rampant and to leave destruction in her wake everywhere she goes. The kids see this, so of course they thinks that's the way people are *supposed* to behave. Ah, the good ol' "Learned Behavior Theory."

They have a father who, out of fear of his own ego being hurt, hasn't held them accountable, because it would make them "uncomfortable" and would make them angry at him. With his "guilty-daddy" parenting style, he has allowed these children to behave in horrible, horrible ways and never held them accountable for it. Consequently, they are children who operate under the premise that their own needs, wants, desires reign supreme over everyone else's. And be damned to the person who stands in their way.

Combine this with my in-laws who wouldn't even TELL their son how badly his children were acting or wouldn't hold him accountable to holding his children accountable for fear of, "breaking his heart." Yes, they would never complain to my H about all of the property these children damaged of theirs because, "it would break his heart to know how bad his kids are." Other family members who have wanted accountability and responsibility have never gotten it. Instead, they have chosen the path of least resistance and just simply won't be around the kids anymore.

Then you have me... who was raised in a completely contradictory manner:

As a child I was held accountable for every single thing I ever did. And many things that I didn't do. Ironically, my mother doesn't hold herself to the same standards she held me to (classic NPD), but that's another blog altogether. Although the consequences that were doled out to me as a child were too severe and qualified as abuse, the lesson was learned:

1. I am not to walk through life damaging other people in the process. Not by actions or words. I was taught that if I broke something that belonged to others, I had to pay to replace it - and I did NOT get to choose how I was going to make the other person solvent. Rather, the other person got to tell me how I was to make things right by them. I either coughed up the money or worked my ass off to make it right in some other way.

2. I was taught that I was to treat other people's property BETTER than I treated my own and to always, always, always return items that I borrowed in the same condition in which they were lent to me.

3. I was taught that lying only makes things worse (but in my home telling the truth wasn't safe either), but lying definitely made things worse. So just own it. And NEVER offer an apology followed by an excuse. Simply apologize and own it. Period. There was always a separate consequence for lying. The punishment for the act was brutal, the punishment for lying was agonizing.

4. I was taught to work hard and to dedicate to myself to achieving perfection in whatever task I was applying myself to. Granted if perfection wasn't achieved, there was hell to pay, but that's not the point. The point was to never intentionally half-ass something. To intentionally half-ass something was the equivalent of lying and taking advantage of someone.

5. I was taught that children are seen, but not heard. I was not given special consideration simply because I was a child. My mother did not go out of her way to make sure that I wasn't angry at her. Nor did she tolerate a temper tantrum or whining simply because I wasn't getting my way. I was not allowed to interrupt adult conversations and if I was told to leave the room and to go occupy myself, that is exactly what I did: no questions asked and no complaining.

6. I was taught to NEVER complain about being "bored." To say that I was bored was the equivalent to saying that I didn't have enough chores to do. I read books. I drew. I did arts & crafts. I sat on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I did NOT complain about being bored.

I could go on and on.

Suffice it for me to say that I look at the skids and I consider the way that they are being raised and frankly, I'm disgusted by them. What they did to this drawing simply epitomizes the way they are being raised. They are ego-maniacs, self-centered, entitlistic, lazy, whiney, self-important brats. They COULD be taught to grow out of it, but they aren't.

So the truth is: they are just going to be more of "those" type of people walking around in the world. :sick:

"Why are you treating and telling others to treat your child as an adult?? He's a CHILD, isn't he?"

My son's age doesn't matter, his behavior is what matters. He doesn't act like a child, and therefore he shouldn't be treated like one. If the skids can't respect him and not pester him with the thinking that he's another kid in the home, but will if they have to look at him as another adult in the home, then my son is far better off. Establishing that boundary made a HUGE difference in the amount of annoyance my son had to put up with.

I can see why the skids don't like it, but I don't think that there is anything wrong with him being treated with the respect that an adult deserves. Especially considering that the skids aren't capable of being total asses when they want to look at him like he is just another child in the home.

My son doesn't act like a child and therefore he should not be treated like one.

You nailed it right on the head Stepdown!

It's all about how the skids needs to look at the my son: not as a child that they can pester, annoy, and jerk around, but rather as an "adult" that they need to leave alone. If telling them they need to think of my son as an "adult" spares him from their crap behavior and bullshit games - like flinging fruit juice on or throwing food at him, poking/kicking/slapping/punching/pinching him, following him around to annoy him, taking his things and playing "keep away" with them, invading his personal space (had to put a lock on his bedroom door), intentionally breaking his belongings, or - my sons personal "favorite:" intentionally soiling/scuffing his freshly polished boots (he's in the Civil Air Patrol - soiled and scuffed boots are a serious no-no that he has to run extra laps or do extra push-ups for or could cost him a promotion).

It return, we expect my son to behave like an adult to the skids. However, if they aren't going to listen to him, he is to tell my H that, yes, absolutely he needs to "get a handle on his kids." I honestly don't care if my H takes offense to that. That's his problem. Then yes, if my H fails to "get a handle on his kids," then you bet your booties my son has permission to "handle it" himself.

One time SS just would NOT leave him alone. My H did not take him seriously when he asked for him to tell SS to leave him alone and he did nothing about it. When my son looked at me for help, I told SS that it was best that he leave my son alone, or he was going to end up getting hurt: that it's not ok to pester someone and disrespect their wishes when they have asked you a dozen times to stop. I told SS that if he was going to keep being disrespectful, that I was not interested in hearing him cry or whine when he does get hurt.

So my son - after about another 15 minutes of being poked over and over and over again and with SS following him from room to room as he was trying to get away from him - yeah, my son got fed up. So he just very, very gently twisted SS's arm behind his back. His fingers were a loose circle around SS's wrist and his other hand had a gentle hold on the back of SS's neck. The kid was NOT being harmed, rather he was just being "constrained." My son would have been rougher with either of his two brothers over at his dads house, however with SS he was very, very, VERY gentle about it.

Well, the response was hilarious: you would have thought that SS was being murdered - he started screaming bloody murder and crying. I'll be honest: I laughed. I couldn't help it.

Here the lil' shit is ALLOWED to get away with treating people like crap, then when someone doesn't want to put up with it and they take a measure to stop him - he looses his freaking mind. I laughed my ass off to see the kid get what he deserved.

And let's be honest: all of us that grew up with siblings - this scenario is no different than what we all grew up with - except an older sibling would not have been as nice and/or as gentle as my son was being with SS. Nor would an older sibling have put up with it for as long as my son did. The skids never stop - they just keep pushing and pushing and pushing. And typically my H doesn't do shit about it.

SS looked at me like I was supposed to punish my son for defending himself and even said as much. I looked at him and laughed right in his face and just said, "He asked you to leave him alone no less than a dozen times. Your father "asked" you to leave him alone three times. I TOLD you that if you didn't leave him alone that you were going to get hurt. I also TOLD you that when you got hurt that I didn't want to hear you cry and complain about it. So take this as a lesson learned: when someone asks you to stop bothering them, it's wise to just respect their wishes and bugger off."

I don't see ANY reason in the world why my son should have to put up with being treated that way and to have to put up with their behavior. If telling the skids that my son is to be considered as an "adult" in the home and thus should be treated like one puts them in the mind-set that they can't do that kind of shit to him - then "mission accomplished."

I do NOT care if the skids like it at all. Like you said Stepdown - they are going to be jealous of anyone (and are) - so why the fuck should their "feelings" be pussy-footed around at the expense of everyone else?

Nope.

And BINGO - it is NOT appropriate for SD to be flirting with my son. AT ALL.

You got it girl! My son has never and will never behave in the ways that the skids do. He would never even consider it. I raised him completely different. You know, with morals and boundaries and such.

I don't think that my son should be "punished" and should have to put up with being treated that way just because the skids have been raised like they are wild animals.

Trust me, I guide my son on how to handle the situations as an adult. It's a great learning experience for him really. He is learning how to keep a cool head, an even tone, and to convey exactly what he wants and why. Then, when the skids won't respect his wishes to be left alone, he goes and talks to my H. He then explains to my H what it is that the skids are doing and why he would like them to stop. In the past, my H wouldn't do anything, but now he understands that my son is much bigger and stronger than his kids and that my son could really hurt them if he allows the situation to get too out of control. If the skids won't listen to their father, my son is learning how to handle things in a mature manner. However, yup, he absolutely does have permission to protect himself should either of the skids decide to get physical with him.

The skids no longer will put hands on my kid, that's for sure. }:)