Boundaries...
I hate it when people take my things without asking me. When I say that I hate it, I mean that I really, really, really, REALLY HATE IT. I was raised in a very abusive house where my boundaries were not respected. My own skin was not even respected as a boundary. Thus, as an adult, I have very strict boundaries: I do NOT like my things to be touched, taken, and/or used without my permission. When someone does any of those things to me - I feel very disregarded by that person. It feels as though they don't value ME as a person when they don't value that my possessions reside within a boundary that I should have control over.
Where does this latest rant stem from?
Oh, the fact that I just found my cuticle scissors on SD's bed. The cuticle scissors that I have been looking for, for a very long time. The very same cuticle scissors that, thinking they were lost for good, I went out and replaced to the tune of $20.00. The very same cuticle scissors that everyone denied having seen and/or used and/or borrowed.
So I call my H to see if he knows anything about the fact that my cuticle scissors are in his kids bedroom. His response, "Oh SD needed to cut something a while back and used them." Just all non-chalant, like it's not a big deal that:
1. They, together, were complicate in taking something that belonged to me - without my permission - used it and failed to return it.
2. They both LIED to me when I asked them if they knew where the cuticle scissors are.
Umm...
Soooooo...
Yeah.
I think it's time to have a one-on-one conversation with SD regarding if she wishes her boundaries and property to be respected in this home, then she better start respecting mine.
I do NOT take kindly to being disregarded. AT ALL.
I know, I know, I know. It's "just" cuticle scissors. However, if they had asked if they could use them, I would have consented. Well, that depends on what she wanted to cut with them.
My H just blew me off. Of course, HE doesn't think it's a big deal.
I'll be honest. I hate my life right now. I hate my H and I wish I had never married him. I want to walk away and leave him with his f*cked up kids "to have and to hold from this day forward." I don't understand why he would want to alienate his wife for some kids that WILL grow up and move on with their lives...?
Whatever.
Just more of the same sh*t, different day.
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See my previous blog about
See my previous blog about nail polish!! I completely understand.
It is NOT just the scissors.
It is NOT just the scissors. I feel so badly for you. It is BLATANT disrespect by your DH and the skids. Your DH is not doing them any favors by not setting boundaries and allowing the kids to think they can just take things. And the lies-they are being taught this is acceptable.
I hope that someday, your DH does finally see the light. He needs to reach that point where it IS a big deal.
It took HORRIBLE behaviors from my DH's kids to make him wake up. Even now, he still has hope that they will suddenly change and become nice, honest, productive people. I do not see that happening.
I don't blame you for not wanting to stay around in this situation.
Hmmm. To me, some things are
Hmmm.
To me, some things are worth getting all worked up about.
Other things are not.
Life is just too short to get bogged down with the minutia.
I understand where you are
I understand where you are coming from. I had 4 younger brothers growing up, and grew up fairly poor, with parents that were emotionally and physically abusive, along with expecting me to behave like an adult from the age of 6. I absolutely HATE people using my hair brushes, combs, or any of my personal hygiene stuff. I esp. hate when they take it without my permission and then I go to use it and find other people's hair in my brush or binders... eew, gross, and RUDE! I also have "my" scissors that no one is to touch. And I extend the same courtesy to others, I don't take or borow things that do not belong to me without asking. People take my stuff at work all the time and it makes me SOO mad. And, yes, they know it bugs me.
sd20 was constantly taking my
sd20 was constantly taking my things when she lived here. i lost my shit when she took my chap stick for the millionth time. i blew the F up. fdh didn't get it at all. he thought it was about chap stick. i told him rather meanly "it is NOT about chap stick! it's NOT about a 97cent tube of chap stick! it is about her ONCE AGAIN taking my things without asking and just keeping them! it's about her not respecting me, my belongings, or my privacy! it's about her thinking if she wants something, she can just take it and it's suddenly HERS!"
i started doing exactly what foxie suggested you do. anytime i found something of mine missing, i went thru her shit and found it, then i took something of hers. i ended up with quite a collection of things. lots of lip gloss, and a big huge tube of VS love spell lotion. i took the lotion when she wasn't noticing the lip glosses. i got sick and tired of always having to ask for my things back. she never bothered to give them back, i had to go search them out. my plan was that if she asked me anything about her missing things, i would ask her how it felt to know her private space had been invaded and her things had been taken and kept without permission. then i would give her her shit back. but she never asked me about anything. so i never offered it back. it was pretty fun watching her tear the bathroom and living room apart looking for that lotion. i heard her ask her dad about it, and braced myself for when she would ask me. she never did, and i still have it, 3 years later. yeah, i knew the thieving little bitch would miss that! }:)
Completely get where you're
Completely get where you're coming from....same feelings...same lack of boundaries growing up....I get it. And YSD continues to violate boundaries I have set with regard to asking me before using my shit.
SO.....if/when she is ever permitted back in our home (she is currently banned), and she starts that shit up again, I will do as some other posters recommend: her shit will start disappearing.
Adult....maybe not. Effective...probably. Feel good factor...most definitely!