Wedding shower saga.....
This is a small thing compared to what some of you are dealing with...but I'm aggrevated and want to let it out.
You all know the stink that's gone down because of oldest SD. The latest being she's barely speaking with her father over her snotty 'we'll see' comment and talking youngest into having 1 shower instead of having me handle a shower for the Dad's side (like I was asked to do) and oldest doing one for the Mom's side... Shouldn't be a big deal..but oldest was going to withhold the grandchildren and initially refused to visit with us over the holidays..over it.
She's just throwing a tantrum because her Dad told her that she was stressing her sister out over wedding stuff..and that her mother is the one she has to worry about causing trouble ..not us.
Anywazzzzz.......
After all the crap oldest stirred up....over having things HER WAY...and insiting on ONE shower...
She was just asking youngest "soooo....what's going on with the shower...are you having 1 or 2"
SO youngest was asking us.....
Man, WE don't know!!!
First we were told that I was doing one for Dad's side...
..then we were told Oldest is the maid of honour she is doing the shower
...and its 1 shower..but we can help her...with Dad side
SO I thought that's where things sat!!
Especially after the HUGE STINK and fallout oldest raised about having 2 showers instead of 1.!!!!!!
BUT now .....
...after she raised such a big fussy....
....Mom doesn't want 1 shower she wants 2 .......like every else wanted..the way it was before oldest stuck her nose into it
... and youngest doesn't want 2 showers she wants 1....because oldest did such a good job of convincing her that 1 would be better (she manipulates the youngest so easily)
NOW, I think oldest want's it to go back to 2 showers....because she want's whatever her mother wants
.AND NOW ...she's hoping Dad will kick up a stink over 1 shower so she can make it look like he's the one being difficult and pressuring everyone into the 2 showers the bride originaly asked for it and she wont' have too and can save face....
It's just rediculous!!!!
It's like what hubby said in his e-mail....it's not US you have to worry about.... we will go along with whatever youngest wants!!!
So we're just sitting tight........
(It is a piss-off...that she will kcik up a stink..talk youngest out of separate showers 'attack' her Dad for agreeing with separate showers .....BUT when her mother wants separate showers....no problem!!! Dispite everything the woman has done...she is idolized..and accomodated and Dad is walked over and shit on. I don't get it??!!!)
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You know what..
First of all again I mentioned this.. Its not about he BM or the oldest sibling, it should be whatever the "Bride" wants. It is all abou ther and what she wants. Everyone else had theres the way they wanted it. You I can tell just wants whatever the "Bride" wants. I tell you how can people be so immature about things like this. OMG.. You poor thing..
Can't oldest sister take her crown off for a moment and give it to her sister.. My heavens. I can totally understand how your husband feels about the whole thing, poor man not only was he married to that woman (bm) but now his oldest daughter is her.. Lordy sakes.. Thank gosh he has you..
I say just tell youngest that you will do whatever she wants you too and leave it at that. Be as supportive of her as possible and just be there for her. It sounds like she is going to need it.. My heavens.. They should just elope with you and dad as witnesses and be done.. Wouldn't that be easy.. LOL''
I wish you the very best thru out all your drama..
Happy...
more on the shower sage......the story continues
That would be so easy....Happy.
Here's an update. Not long after I wrote my post...Youngest SD sent out an e-mail to all three parties last week (Mom, sister & Dad) stating that she & finace decided to stick to 1 shower...and listed a number of reasons of why they want it that way...blah blah.....
SO all's good....everyone should be on the same page!
Not so fast!!! That would be too easy...
Oldest SD calls youngest yesterday and tells her..that BM's sister in law..(with whom she is very close) ..is planning a 'surprise shower' and oldest thought that she would give her the heads up.
So...my first thought is....the BM is behind this!
If BM want's 2 showers for daughter...she'll get 2 showers for daughter ..regardless of anyones elses wishes..including the daughters. That's her MO. And I find the timing suspect...youngest informed everyone in no uncertain terms what she wanted...(and oldest now wants 2 separate showers) and all of a sudden this person steps forward with out talking to anyone else in the family...not even the mother or sister. She just came up with this all of a sudden, all on her own, out of the blue. C'mon!! I don't buy that.
Regardless if there is 1 or 2 showers....I would like to start picking up prizes, decorations, making plans..etc.. theres at least going to 1 shower minimum. So I sent an e-mail off to oldest SD because she wants to be the 'organizer'..and everything has to go through her..telling her off a few ideas I had..etc. and asking for some of her ideas..etc...
Youngest happened to call about something else...so I was telling her about the e-mail and we started discussing things. Not only does she think her mother is behind it...she 'wouldn't put it past (her) sister' either.... (we all know she's just like her mother).
BM & SD are manipulators........
I wonder how oldest SD will respond to my e-mail? It didn't occur to me that she would be in on getting the aunt to do a separate shower when I sent it... (Especially if she's working behind our backs)
Oh and oldest SD's husband has started sending out job applications around here....as soon as he lands a job ..there comming back here.
She still is giving her father the cold shoulder......
I feel like this stuff is so petty...but irritating, none-the-less. And I'm sure more stories will be told..as this wonderful wedding unfolds...over the next 5 months
Can I suggest that youngest
Get a planner and literately sit down with EVERYONE, and have it documented what is expected of them, their role, their expectations? This really helped me. I bought a planner, but not because I wanted to know the etiquette and be one of "those brides", but because I wanted to CONTROL my mother, who I knew would go bouncing all over the place while I sat there going like :O
It just helped soooo much, because I could put down what I WANTED, and wrote it in ink. When my mother came along and tried to change those plans, I was able to pull out my "book" and say... NO. Of course, I picked and chose my battles, and let her run with all the little things, but glued my pages closed when it came to the officiate, cake, photographer, etc.... otherwise, who knows what would have happened there... LOL.
The other thing that I found made it easier was that my grandmother, who I love dearly, wanted to take part in some part of my wedding plans, but not too much... if you catch my drift. It was for show. (We aren't that close.) But with all respect to her, her since of taste clashed greatly with mine, so I simply sent her on an errand to do my favors. It was little things like that I really recommend that ladies don't get all wrapped up in, because ultimately, no one cares- the guests take them home, and 9 x out of 10, it's the kids that eats it anyway (if candy).
I would keep to your guns, and push it back on the oldest when she starts to get bossy. Who's day is it anyway? Oh, I didn't know you were getting married too! How wonderful. I would support youngest in her decisions, because she's probably really stressed out. It's one thing to be getting married, it's exciting to be going through the process, but once you're head on in the process, it's so easy to get stressed out when things come to a head, and then to have a bossy older sister on top of it! Oh Lordy!
Keep us posted!
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Thanks Step Mom...good advice.
But, I don't think a planner is in the budget unfortunately. But I think having their wishes and decision documented, written out, crystal clear in an e-mail and cc'd to all the parties...was SUPPOSED to serve the same purpose.
I'm telling ya these woman (BM & SD) are something else!
Oh ya...and youngest was telling her Dad last week that she wants me come out with her friends for her staggette party... Her mother doesn't want to go and she doesn't want her to go..BUT if she said if her mother finds out I'm going she'll go just to cause trouble.
That's right out of SD's mouth..
She dosn't have much use for her mother and finally sees right through her (after a few rough years..) And she suspects her sister is walking in Mom's footsteps as well...
So hang in there ladies with difficult step-teens and poisoning BM's....there's hope that they will see the light as they mature and realize what's really going on around them....
LOL...
No, I mean a book! Go to the book store and get one of those itemized planner books! LOL... I guess I should have been more clear. Oops... sorry.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...