This is interesting..
So you want to be a stepmother?
Excerpted from Games Divorced People Play, by Dr. Melvyn A. Berke and Joanne B. Grant.
"Surveys and research suggest the following:
"If the new parent is a stepmother, the probability of the marriage surviving and marital happiness are reduced.
"The role of the stepmother is considerably more difficult than of the stepfather.
"Stepmothers are less likely than stepfathers to achieve close ties with their stepchildren.
"Because men do not have to deal with the myth of the 'wicked stepfather,' society is more supportive of their role and place in the home.
"Regardless of her parenting skills, her stepchildren are likely to regard her with suspicion and distrust.
"Much of a child's anger and resentment toward his or her father is projected onto the stepmother.
"Stepmother-stepdaughter relationships present the greatest problems. In large measure this is a product of two women having to share the same man. Generally speaking, the older the daughter, the greater the difficulties. If the stepmother does not have open and firm support from her husband, and if the stepdaughter is allowed power and control over her stepmother, the family's chances for survival are poor.
"Stepmothers are more likely to establish positive relationships with younger children regardless of their sex."
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Perspective..
On a more positive note! I found this site this morning....www.focusonyourchild.com. Some of the insights in this site helped soothe my hurt/anger/resentment that I often feel when dealing with my step-childrens actions. Makes me want to take a breath..and keep on trying. Hope it helps...everyone
An exerpt "Be Patient"
General stepfamily integration and bonding with a stepchild hardly ever happens as quickly as adults want it to. It just doesn’t happen on their timetable. Stepfamily researcher James Bray discovered that stepfamilies don’t begin to think or act like a family until the end of the second or third year.1 Furthermore, Patricia Papernow, author of the book Becoming a Stepfamily, discovered that it takes the average stepfamily seven years to integrate sufficiently to experience intimacy and authenticity in step relationships.2
An exerpt "Recognize your stepchildrens losses"
No one in stepfamilies experiences more loss than children. This truth is difficult for most adults to recognize simply because they are consumed with their own losses. It’s human nature to notice our own wounds more than someone else’s. Yet children, because of a lack of maturity and coping skills, need more help processing their grief than adults
I believe that one of the hardest things children in stepfamilies must learn is to share a parent with a stepparent or stepsiblings. They’ve lost so much already, it’s understandable why they would resist “losing” another parent. To protect their relationships, children may push away a stepparent. This brings about competition and insecurity, especially if a stepparent takes the threat personally.
It does explain some of the difficult dynamics we must all learn to deal with
The Bio-mom returns to town...
Things have been quiet for a while on the step-children front. We got a warning call from SD 2 weeks ago, not to call her house...Bio-Mom was arriving for a 2-week visit with the grandkids.......
She arrived back in town last night. After 2 weeks with her mentor, SD should be extra bitchy for a while.......
The youngest SD "doggie-sat" for us this weekend. We had her dog last weekend when she was away. It's nice that the dogs get along and look forward to having "sleepovers"....