You are here

Is this it?

looneybin's picture

Submitted by looneybin on Mon, 02/26/2007 - 11:24pm

Hi everyone I'm new here, but I just wanted a opinion, or just to vent (I don't know which). Do you ever look around and think is this it? This is my life, all that pretending as a child, and this is the rest of my life.
To plod along day after day. The last time SD visited she did'nt speak to anyone except our 7 year old daughter. DH was mad at me, because we did'nt have enough fun I did'nt try to draw her out more. I've been getting the silent treatment on and off for 9 yrs SD is 11yrs old so it's not like I'm a new edition. We are not wealthy so after sending child support this month I had to do some financial juggling to get money for my son and daughter to play soccer. Please tell me your story so I can feel part of a crowd. I know these are piddly little problems in the scheam of things, but tonight I'm just down.

Is this it is this the rest of my life?

Comments

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Tue, 02/27/2007 - 5:39am

Welcome and you're not alone! I think probably all of us feel the same way you do at least part of the time. And no, the situation usually doesn't change a whole lot, although I do think we probably all get better at dealing with it over time. We probably all think in terms of "only three more years until SD turns 18, only 6 1/2 more years of paying CS."

Remember when we were kids and couldn't wait until we grew up? We couldn't wait to turn sixteen so that we could drive, eighteen so that we could vote and be adults, twenty-one so that we could buy alcohol, etc. Remember when 30 was old?! I don't think that ever changes, because here I am at 36 having the hot flashes and other symptoms of perimenopause, hair grayer than Phil Donohue's, and my almost-constant thought is that I can't wait until I'm 50, because the kids will all be grown and gone and maybe - just maybe! - there will finally be time and money enough for my husband and I to really start living "our" life... we'll be able to finally take a real vacation, maybe even finally go on a honeymoon!

So I guess your question about is this the rest of your life gets two answers, yes and no. Yes, it feels like this is it and it probably is for now, but kids don't stay kids forever. I try to enjoy my little ones while they are little, because they don't stay that way forever, and keep in mind that the BS I have to deal with because of my skids won't last forever, either.

In the meantime, you have us!

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

Bonus Wife's picture

Submitted by Bonus Wife on Tue, 02/27/2007 - 5:45am

And honestly, I think I am getting tested by my higher power big time! (Need some courses on how to deal, otherwise I am gonna fail!)

Someone said it on one of my blogs.."What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

And BTW, Anne, I'm finding out it doesn't end at 18.

WasAuchImmer's picture

Submitted by WasAuchImmer on Tue, 01/27/2009 - 10:20pm

Hi ladies! I'm hoping that posting to an old blog will somehow bring it back up to the current list...we'll see.

Brief bio on me: never-been-married 29yo professional woman whose only child walks on 4 paws and has a long, furry tail. I want to get married and have kids some day, just hasn't worked out like I'd hoped yet.

I zoned in on looneybin's blogs because the beginning of her SM experience sounds similar to the way mine is developing. Wonderful, wonderful man that I met ~4 months ago has a 2yod from a previous relationship. Not a marriage, but I'm fairly well convinced that the legal ramifications of being "just a sperm donor" (yes, this is what his lawyer told him, even though he and BM were in a relationship and lived together for ~4 years) are even worse than determining custody, cs, etc. during a divorce.

I grew up as the only biochild of my parents; my mom had two kids (8yod and 6yos) from her first marriage when she married my dad. My sibs and I grew up in the same household and all feel as if we are biosibs Smile That warm fuzzy does not extend to my dad, however - after my mom died a few years ago, they completely cut him out of their lives. I think my experience has shown me both a best and a worst possible outcome of blending a family.

So ladies, I'm looking for some guidance from those who have experience in this situation. My BF has SD2 (easiest to refer to her as "SD") EOW, twice during the week at his discretion, and one month during the summer. I will readily admit that all I have are theories about child-rearing Smile but I see the red flags of "weekend dad" and "guilt parenting" already and it's frustrating. Again, he is a supportive, understanding, affectionate, generous and wonderful man who is proficient at open communication. Of course I want to fully explore this relationship. But I'm holding back because I feel like I should decide if I want to accept the "package deal" before he and I get any more attached.

I am already empathizing with frustrations expressed by others here, and this scares the crap out of me...as does the assertion that many friends have previously made ("she's so young, it will be easy for you to integrate") appearing to be of little or no consequence to achieving a peaceful blended life.

~Not a stepmom yet but heading that way...help!~