Why Do Adult Stepkids Feel so Entitled?
My DH just recently conducted a business transaction for my adult SD 32 and her husband 36 that saved them over 6k. Not only did my DH's Adult SD 32 not thank him for saving her all of that money, she has yet to even call him since he volunteered to do this! Although she has been mostly estranged from us since she made a fool of herself last winter (see earlier posts for this tantrum description and her resultant emotional blackmail of us) I would have thought that him still offering to do this for her and saving her thousands should warrant at least a polite thank you! This is the second time within the last few years that my DH has offered and conducted these services for free for her so you would have thought that this would have caused a little more appreciation on her part.
DH has also saved his son (SS 35) thousands by conducting the same business transaction for him at no cost. I do not mind him doing so but this is how DH makes his living and what I object to is the ungrateful and entitled way these adult stepkids act.
These adult stepkids are so spoiled and feel so entitled that adult SD 32 had the nerve in the past year to insinuate that I should pay to move BM's trailer home that BM purchased after SS 35 got married for he and new his wife to live in! In the first place, I would never have bought a trailer! In the second place I would never have been so stupid that I would have made improvments to and placed a trailer on a lot that was not in my name!!!! And thirdly, I see no reason why a young married couple can not rent - I know renting did not hurt me when I started out!
Naturally when SS 35 ends up divorced his prior FIL demands that he move the trailer off of FIL's property. Of course the trailer is in BM's name since she bought it. BM is mad that she has to then buy a piece of property to move it to , pay for making improvements to a second piece of land (water pad, sewage), and then pay to have it moved! SD 32 has the audacity to tell me - not DH - with a glaring look in her eyes that it was not fair that BM had to spend all of that money to move this trailer! I was in my home when she did this so I just looked at her speechless and walked inot another room!
In my opinion BM was enabling SS35 and so it was her problem not mine not to mention the fact that all of this property was in her name so why should I help her move her own property/investment! BM has put myself and DH through years of h*** so I don't see me ever helping her especially financially! SD 32 should have been angry all right - with her brother for holding his hand out and with her mother for enabling him and short-changing her! Somehow, however, this anger got transferred to me!
I would like to know if all adult stepchidren feel this entitled or is it just mine???
How do others of you handle this???? Is there ever any hope that this faulty logic can be reversed????
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Comments
I don't know how you do it
I would have loved to say, you are right, SS should have paid for it for himself!
Does DH ever point out what he has saved them moneywise? I know some would say he shouldn't, but I think that they do need to know what he has done for them, that he by no means had to!!
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2DH takes no Credit!
He really is a nice guy in that respect but I fear that it is this nice part of him that Skids look at as weakness to be exploited!
Perhaps because they don't treat us as family!
Steve - Thanks for your commentary. It does appear from reading your earlier blogs that everyone in your family gets along. Thats very nice but unfortunately that does not describe our relationship with Stepkids and their BM. My earlier blogs describe what we have to routinely put up with. We have no problems with any other family members. We have been on the recieving end of emotional blackmail and abuse by Skids and BM for 27 years now so i don't see it ending anytime soon and evolving into a kumba ya situation!
I do doubt however, that your relatives would continue to get things for free if they were openly rude to each other.
Asking or expecting at least a thank you is not in my opinion asking for too much.
In my case, my DH would only have to pass on this business transaction to someone else to handle. This would mean that the disgruntled entitled Skids would have to pay someone else to perform these transactions in the future. DH, in my opinion, should not do any more free work for ungrateful people whether they are related or not! No amount of money saved or given by DH will buy love from Skids who have been spoiled and exposed to max PAS from the time they were little by BM.
Again, thanks for your perspective and view on things.
You made me laugh!
Stepaside - our experiences are so similar! I've read your posts for a while now and except for the fact that your SDs are fighting for money your DH actually has and mine are fighting for money my DH dosn't have (but they think he does) I could have written many of them! Imagine my Skids anger at finally having to recognize that the money is actually mine and that we have separate property! Of course they can not imagine that I actually earned any of it. They assume that their father is funneling his vast resources to me secretly! What a joke!
I have to say I am actually now at peace with the fact that my stepkids are no longer on speaking terms with us. I figure the more I vent on this venue maybe I can get rid of all the pent up rage that this situation has caused me over the past 27 years and I can look forward to living the part of that Hollywood movie you describe!
Unfortunately I have seen my stepkids at DH's parent's funerals and there was no remorse from the stepkids - they simply want what they feel their share is..... I anticipate much rage directed at me if my DH precedes me and much attempted manipulation of my beautiful BDs if I precede him! I hope I have protected my BDs well enough (in a legal sense)so that Step kids are not in my house going through my things within a week of my funeral the way they were after thier grandmother's funeral!
Thanks Step-a-side. Hope to trade comments again in the future!