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How to disengage?

Lissy70's picture

Submitted by Lissy70 on Thu, 07/08/2021 - 9:18pm

How do I disengage? My SS is 26 living with us, not working, ignoring everyone (including his dad). Since he's already ignoring me, pulling back is what he wants. 
I stopped going to many of my husbands family events because his sister and my SD are so annoying, plus they invite the BM to many of these events. My husband is getting so annoyed I don't go, so he stopped going to my family events! Such a mess here. 

Comments

Other Dad's picture

Submitted by Other Dad on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 3:28am

Do it on your terms 

If you actually feel like saying something to SS - say it 

If your internal filter says - dont say that to SS he doesnt deserve the effort - then dont.

Suit yourSELF

I am finding it hard too.. early days for me, I am 2 months in...

 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 5:59am

While this isn't exactly disengaging- how are you making SS's live miserable at your house? 

Change the password to wifi, take him off the family cell phone plan, paying rent, clothes left in the washer or dryer tossed in the back yard. Eviction! 

I think you will be able to disengage much better when you don't have to see his face every day! 

Lissy70's picture

Submitted by Lissy70 on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 3:42pm

His father won't let me charge him rent! And get this he doesn't wash his clothes, he a hoarder and the room smells horrendous. I'm sick of this situation 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 6:26am

Can YOU move out? Because I don't think I would want to live with someone (husband) who cares so little about my happiness and what his lazy, grown ass, moocher son is doing to our relationship.

The question is not how to disengage, it's WHY is your husband allowing this? Especially when it's damaging your marriage.

Lissy70's picture

Submitted by Lissy70 on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 8:07am

I would like to but Financially I can't. It's depressing. 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 8:22am

I'm sorry, that sucks.

I know that you signed a pre-nup but considering that you said "it was a 2 weeks before the wedding deal so I had a hard time negotiating", you should check with a lawyer to see if it would hold up. Did you have your own representation for the pre-nup?

It doesn't seem as if your husband is willing to make any changes to the situation, so it's up to you.

Lissy70's picture

Submitted by Lissy70 on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 3:43pm

I did have my own representation, I think I need to make an appointment and discuss my options. It's a ahme I love my husband to death. 

Me Myself and I's picture

Submitted by Me Myself and I on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 12:52pm

Your husband should be looking out for your welfare. In a marriage that relationship comes first and everything else second. Kids should never come first. He's 26 and needs to get the F out of your house! 

Lissy70's picture

Submitted by Lissy70 on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 3:44pm

He is being a d*ck! I'm so mad. He told from the beginning his kids came first, so I put mine before him. Not the ideal situation. And I want this loaf out. 

 

diver111's picture

Submitted by diver111 on Fri, 07/09/2021 - 3:57pm

There are many blogs about disengagement on this site. Just use the search bar to find them. Lots of great advice!!