try councilling its obvios that you both care about each other still so id try that honey

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )

Change the locks. You can't fix stupid, so if she feels some type of ownership to fh, that's her problem.

I'm worried that he was so fast to take off his ring. Sounds like he is pretty stubborn and unwilling to take your feelings into count. Try counseling. Hope that works. My dh thought that he could control me and everything around him until we sought counceling. Then he came to realize that we were equal and he wasn't the BOSS.

Man, I can't stand this for you. Double standards. He can do as he chooses without your knowrledge, but you can't? Where's the trust?

Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

As I'm reading all of these blogs lately, I'm wondering if we're
all caught up in some kind of zodiac TIME WARP where insane things
keep happening.

YOU, my friend, did NOTHING WRONG. Like everyone else on this site,
you were SETTING A BOUNDARY, a MUCH-NEEDED boundary at that, and
you were met with MAJOR resistance, lots of passive-agressive be-
havior, and NOW YOU are questioning whether you are too BLAME.

Right now, it seems as if you are being "punished" for putting your
foot down. Please PLEASE do not blame yourself!!!

You actually became PHYSICALLY ILL after standing up for yourself.
I've been there, too. I just wish that, deep down, I could be total
complete BITCH, lay down the law, and just MOVE ON. I'm slowly
getting there, not just with DH and his kids, but also with my
OWN wacky mother and adult son.

Keep venting!! It really helps and is good for your sanity!

if you are not married? I would back off and start at the beginning, or leave. Life is way too short!

He took care of the problem what else do you want him to do? Evidently she used to live in that house so she thought that she could walk in and out whenever she wanted to. You are lucky that he took care of the problem because a lot of men would have said whats the big deal about her coming over. You know that hes playing golf so let it go.

Ok - I had a warning bell go off when I read your post. He requires that you account for all of your time, he thinks it is ok to have his EX essentially a part of your household without consulting you, and he delivers ultimatums to control your behavior? These three things together paint a picture to me of the early stages of an abusive relationship. I think RecentlyRetired is right on - get some counselling now. Don't give up your place. He may just be a real control freak, but still. A little counseling now could save a lot of grief tomorrow.

Venting is good - you didn't do anything wrong!

I would be wary of getting involved with a guy who is still so enmeshed with the ex. Why is he okay with her coming over his house to walk the dog?? This does not make sense to me. They are divorced and they should only be communicating regarding the children.

Like K-Kat said, boundaries are important. He has to be willing to work with you and set boundaries with the ex otherwise your relationship will suffer.

How long have you been dating this guy? Sometimes we women rush into things that we regret later. Don't let your love for him just sweep you away. Take your time!! I hate to sound like the voice of doom and gloom, but things will NOT get better if you get married. If you do not establish boundaries now and work out what appears to be possessiveness on his part before the marrige it will be tougher to deal with them later.

Georgie

controlling is where it all begins. It starts out as wanting to know where you are and who you're with and what time you will be back. A lot of women reason this as "he cares for me." It then escalates to verbal abuse and maybe even some pushing and shoving. The female response is usually "he's under a lot of stress at work, at home, with the bills, because his cat died." You get the picture. As if the pushing and shoving weren't enough it usually escalates to actual slaps and fists. The females response "I made him do it. I shouldn't have bothered him when he was..." I'm sure you get the picture. The minute one issue is no longer effective for controlling the woman, it escalates to the next that will get results.

No I have never been abused. I'm crazy enough that if a man put his hands on me, he may harm me, but he will be lying in the casket next to me.

I grew up with my grandmother constantly being abused and degraded by my grandfather. GMa was a very meek little woman who loved her family (12 kids) and stayed home to raise them. GPa was an alcoholic who was quite controlling and would come home in a drunken stupor and attack GMa for whatever stupid reason existed that day. She didn't iron his shirt good, she didn't cook his favorite meal... My mom was the oldest of the 12 children and she and my dad would run over in the middle of the night to rescue GMa from GPa. Gma would move in with us until GPa came crying about how much he loved her and missed her and she would go running back. This vicious cycle went on for YEARS. GPa got fed up with all of the interference and actually moved Gma and the remaining minor children away from everyone. It wasn't a year later when we got the call that GPa had murdered GMa in cold blood and the minor children found her body. GPa was drunk once again and GMa was bringing in the groceries (just returned from shopping) and GPa said that she had been out having an affair and opened fire on her (hitting her 7 times). The minor children came home to find their mother lying in a pool of blood on the front lawn with melted popsicles mixed in with her blood. No person should ever have to witness that. None of them have been right since then, you can never forget that image. I didn't see it, but I can picture it. I miss my GMa, but her violent death taught me a valuable lesson. Don't take NO Sh!t from no controlling man.

This incident occurred in 1980, long before Domestic Violence was an issue or before Nicole Brown knew that OJ Simpson existed.

Last time I checked, I'm a Grown A$$ woman. Make him remember that. He can't have his cake and eat it too. If he wants you to account for your whereabouts, then so should he PERIOD.

My new StepMother's Motto:

When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.

let eachother know where we are most times but it's more out of consideration for the other person rather than checking in. when you live together and in your case, work together your SO would naturally be worried if they were supposed to be in one place and you didnt know where they were. yes, he mentioned going golfing but the last thing he told you was that he was working. out of consideration he could have just text you or called to let you know that the plans changed. i think couseling would be good (we start today) and also keep your place and don't jump into marriage until these issues are resolved. that's where i'm at in my life and i am loving that we're not rushing...i want to walk down the aisle with glee knowing that i'm doing the right thing and that we've done everything in our power to make our relationship healthy.

You sound so much like what I am going through right now! My FH has the BM that just can not go away. He has been brainwashed for 15 years and is just trying to keep the peace with BM even though he resents her for what she has done and hates her guts. We are now in counseling and start our first joint session this week. These guys are clueless. He needs to set boundaries with BM and hold the line there. My FH has been doing really well and has been keeping me in the loop on everything now. I feel though like he is just doing these things because I WANT HIM TOO - not because he wants to and that is part of this whole process that pisses me off. My FH acts like well if it doesn't bother me why should it bother you? That is how stupid he is. And that is why we are in counseling. Cuz BM has just become a way of life for him and even though it is crap that is the only thing he knows. I get pissed too and have had a couple big blow up fights with FH about this. Is it worth it - right now I don't know. I am a very strong person and never took crap from any man so my FH knows how serious I am on this now. I strongly suggest you both go to couples counseling and find someone who specializes in blended families. pm me if you want to vent - this sounds like the exact same crap I've been going through. Take care of yourself!