OT How Do You Choose?
Have y'all ever been in a position where you had to choose between one man (or woman) and another man (or woman)?
What helped you make the choice? And had the choice ever been hard to make?
How do you determine between divulging too much information (leaving you with zero choices) vs not divulging enough (and the prospective partners thinking you're not transparent/lying/playing games/etc)?
- Lillywy00's blog
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In a work situation
In a work situation, I finally learned to always go with my gut. In my earlier years, I tried to make hiring decisions based only on hard info, like education and resumes. Eventually, I learned that ability to fit into our work culture was most important. Of course, these folks always had the "hard" requirements, too. But between two equally qualified people, my gut always went with the one who"d fit in best. (Made many mistakes in the early years that I had to live with a long time.)
That's my problem...scared to
That's my problem...scared to make a mistake with my choice
But as you say .... trust your gut with who you think will fit in best
As a " mature" student...
I went to night school to get my BS, I was in my 40s and employed as a manager. I was in a computer program that included business classes. Some of my classmates were brilliant computer guys. The business management teacher was talking about hiring practices. He asked me what I looked for when hiring. I could see some of my classmates sneering and thinking, " I'd be the obvious candidate!" I talked about the ability to look like they'd fit into my company's conservative culture. I tried to stress that they didn't have to share those values (I dont) but if you want to be successful there, you have to look and act like you can walk the walk, regardless of personal brilliance.
I was once in a similar
I was once in a similar position. I ended up choosing neither because my thinking was that i wasn't really into either of them if the choice was so hard. But wtf do i know, i'm here on this site!
^perfect reply
^perfect reply
i feel that too
sometimes my mind is so boggled trying to make the "right" choice that I'm thinking eff this! Let's just get rid of being in the position to make the choice all together
Have you heard of the Wise Mind concept?
Google "emotional rational wise mind" images and you'll get some useful Venn diagrams with prompts/questions, but essentially we need both, rational and emotional (your gut) mind, and where those two overlap we get Wise Mind. Also, as women we're usually gifted with with a good gut instinct (our subconscious/animal brain quickly processing sensory and intellectual input and giving us a quick output), so I'd tune in to that.
In regards to how much to share with anyone - I'm of the firm opinion that people don't automatically get our trust, but must earn it over time and with consistent, trustworthy behaviors. And even then, we might decide to keep parts or all of our story private. It's up to us when, if ever, we share our story with the other.
The one that fits
Your life style, you goals in life. Questions like. Do you drink? Does he. ? Do you gamble? Does he ? Do you want to be with friends abd family ? Does he ? Do you want kids ? Bio. Does he. ? How are you with money do you save or not , -Do tyyou care about how you spend your money. do you spend your money on stupid things. QVC the tool channel ? How much money do you earn ? How about him? Do you gave savings retirement accounts own a home ? How about him ?
How do you vacation ? How dies he ? [hiking rock climbing vs pool drunks resort] Does he ? Big does he have kids ? How dies he handkerchiefs the kids and his ex. ? We were burnt on this one before?
You know people really don't change So what you see is what you get. That's why a long time to get to know that person is importance. They can't keep up an act to long.
Some one who lived 30 something years. Has to e set in his ways..like you are. You both must change a little to live hapless ever after.
'The main problem is people lie . To look good . They will tell you what you want to hear with no intentions of doing so...
'That sexual attraction only laste so many years. The old seven year inch . Thing. Your SO must be like you. If you like to drink and so does he both of you can enjoy drinking together. If one dies and one doesn't it becomes a problem. Just some thing to think about
^great questions to ask
^great questions to ask
and good food for thought here
For me, even though I'm not
For me, even though I'm not dating, I've been paying attention to men who are interested me and, so far, each one has been ruled out for one reason or another.
Normally, I would say "trust your gut" but when it comes to romance, my gut has betrayed me. Maybe I shouldn't call it a gut instinct, but more of a habit of being attracted to a person who behaves in a way that is familiar because of my childhood traumas.
In other words, I seem to attract and am attracted to emotionally unavailable or avoidant people. It's how my father was, so I have found myself being drawn to people like that.
People who are emotionally available and truly interested in me often seem boring - or awkward.
My answer would be........time. What's the rush? Why do you have to choose one or the other? Can't you date both? I'm assuming that's what you're talking about.
If I was with an attractive, intelligent, funny, stable guy who was unclear about what he wants or was inconsistent but we had chemistry, and I had also met a guy with the same attributes, but was super clear and consistent (but boring), THIS TIME, I would invest more energy into Mr. Boring. I would get to know the guy who didn't spark chemistry because chemistry has betrayed me too often.
I don't want the firey passion straight out of the gate. I want closeness to build over time, and with genuine love, the passion will grow - a slow burn.
So, tell us more. How long have you been dating both guys?