Disgruntled Disneyland Dad
.....deluding himself and getting pissy because I said when my kid is out of the nest, I would be more open about the fact I don't want to spend every weekend with him during his parenting times.
I also told him I didn't want to live with kids (especially not his entitled messy kids) after 18. Why tf would I endure another unlimited amount of years of dependent ingrates and feeling like a guest in my own home???
He pretends like he hasn't made the last two years of his weekend parenting times hell for me yet Disneyland for his kids.
He constantly minimizes his sh*tty behavior because he's not negatively affected by his lackadaisical parenting style and his kids lack of respect and home training.
I have no clue what made this idiot think I would want to live with him, his messy loud kids, and be locked in to nothing but arguments/cleaning up after his kids/living on eggshells and being treated like a guest in the house I pay bills/ letting his kids run my house/being an accessory in his delusional child centered world for the next ten years or whenever his kids and exwife decide they don't need him.
He still minimizing and gaslighting me about how choosing to wait until 11:30pm to cook for his kids, disrupt my sleep, argue with me, all during my birthday weekend was his only choice to feed his needy kids.
Then continued to accuse me of being "selfish" and "lacking empathy" for his kids.
Yeah. I am starting not to have empathy for this dude who raised some kids who come to the house I pay bills in, disregard my more than reasonable rules, but still expect to use my furniture, use my electricities, use items I purchased for them as gifts, sacrifice my space/relationship for, expect to come to my house EVERY weekend even when I'm sick/during Mother's Day/birthday and not acknowledge me during the holiday.
Who is really lacking empathy here?
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Comments
F*ck him
F*ck him
and f*ck that exwife and those kids too!
Why are you still there? At
Why are you still there? At this point, your resentment and animosity towards him.. your life has got to be poisoning every aspect of your existance.
Even if you have to downgrade your lifestyle to make it happen.. happier in a one bedroom apartment is better than miserable in a nicer place.
This
I know you are doing a lot of venting here but the aminosity is clear and you are going into bitterness. Trust me...I've walked that....it's a hard fight to get out of bitterness. It starts to impact all areas of your life whether you choose to see it or not. Seriously, I'd find me the cheapest place I could, get the rest of my stuff into storage and get the hell out of Dodge. You are not doing yourself any favors staying in that toxic environment.
I agree.
I agree.
His behavior (where his kids are clearly the priority over me in EVERY situation - even when it's not appropriate or necessary such as I'm sick, it's my birthday, Mother's Day, etc AND where he has full capacity to have empathy for his kids and even his exwife but cannot feel empathy for me) is horrid especially during weekends which is leading this into a toxic space.
I have animosity towards the
I have animosity towards the fact that he projects his issues on to me (him/his kids have zero empathy for me so how am I supposed to have empathy for people like that?), he doesn't know how to be a good partner (I get constantly sidelined in the house I pay bills in to placate his kids who contribute nothing), then I get gaslit when I address the problem ("I know you said you like kids to respect quiet hours and be quiet after 10pm but what's the problem with my kids loudly cooking at 1133pm? It's not like they woke you up because you were already awake. They were hungry and you're just jealous of them and you have no empathy for them")
Ive been discreetly packing for the last couple of days or any day when I don't think he will notice my location off
why not turn it off and leave
why not turn it off and leave it off. why dance to his tune?
the word "no" exists, use it
no, I will not let you know where I am. No, I will not be tracked. No, I am not planning a future with you. No, I will not pay bills on a house that only I am taking care of.
Use those stillettos and stomp a no in his direction.
Somehow I've taken on a
Somehow I've taken on a masculine trait of compartmentalizing.
Im flourishing at work and business etc .....
I refuse to let this dude and his incapacity to be a decent partner affect my money/career
You staying makes him think he’s winning
You truly can't stand your SO kids, his relationship with his kids. He putting his kids over you. He not trying to carry on a relationship with you. There should be a kid free weekend once a month. That kid free weekend should be what you want it to be, trip for color change with a overnight stay in a nice hotel . Dinner someplace nice. Phones off and some adult playtime.
'He giving that up to cook kids food at 11:30 pm. Something wrong with him.
You can't fix stupid. It's only going to get worse. The writing is on the wall
Thank you Harry.
Thank you Harry.
I don't hate his kids per say nor his relationship if he's trying to be involved with them but you're right I do hate the level of enmeshment, the lack of boundaries, and the inability of him to be a good partner because he's so busy unnecessarily bending over backwards for his kids to the detriment of having an adult relationship he claims he wanted
Maybe I have to drill this in my head that no matter how much he claims to want this to work his behavior shows otherwise
That's because he hasn't a
That's because he hasn't a clue how to do things otherwise. I think he's of the variety of dog that is too old (or stubborn, or stupid, or ... whatever other adjective he may be) to learn new tricks so he keeps on with his "tried and true" old ones. They don't work but he's comfortable with them.
Agreed.
Agreed.
that's probably one reason why he can't/won't comprehend why I'm so bothered
In his mind he's just being a dad and doing so how he's used to when he was single and thinks if I loved him I would just accept him/his kids "as is" and doesn't realize that doesn't necessarily work when you share a house with other people who find particular behaviors disruptive (talking so loud I can hear them from across a 2k sq ft house, loudly existing in the house after 10pm, staying up all night roaming the house, using facilities but not helping clean them, using my furniture without my permission, etc)
It may be that he thinks
It may be that he thinks things are working just fine. To him you may seem bothered at times and fuss at him but it blows right over and things move along business as usual and nothing changes. He may think it's just how "you two" work because you don't actually do anything to show him that you're evicting him from your life. In his mind, it works.
My brain doesn't work that way but his might.
Never thought about it like
Never thought about it like that but that makes sense
"Don't tell me, show me!" is one of the most important points of
clarity that anyone with people like your BF in their lives can learn.
When their lips start moving, smack them with "Don't tell me, show me!" Until they show instead of tell, cut them off and rub their noses in their failed parenting.
IMHO.
Its amazing how much stuff
Its amazing how much stuff can be moved out and they do not notice it gone.
Let us know when you are out.