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Sad tonight...

lil_lady's picture

Submitted by lil_lady on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 12:40am

Im tired... really tired... After BM made her usually effort after 4 days to butt into mine and my bf's time bf seemed to nip it in the bud. She of course got mad and blamed me called names so on and so forth... After chatting with him about he assured me it would be taken care of but he wanted to wait until he had to talk with her again, on the next trade off day. I was so happy and so proud, I knew BM was not getting the attention she wanted. Then BF went and confirmed weekend plans that had already been confirmed the next day. I feel horrified, let down, unloved, and like a third party. "I cant do this anymore,... I am so done sharing my bf. It feels like there will never be a day that you two can make it more then 4 days without talking to each other" this is what I told him. He replied with absolute shame " I know and its all my fault I really screwed up... I cant recall when I last felt so hurt and beat down. I told him earlier today that I don't even want him to address it any longer. I cant seem to stop crying tonight.

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chokinonlemons2u's picture

Submitted by chokinonlemons2u on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 12:58am

Leave before your here crying as a frustrated wife about to move out with a baby in a couple of years.

Sorry your having to deal with this. Do not marry this man until he embarks on NRT .

Nut Retrieval Treatment

lil_lady's picture

Submitted by lil_lady on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 1:45am

Honestly... I have never spoken to him like that before. I have always fought my fight and stood up for myself. This time I just gave up tried not to talk about it until we had time. He apologized before we even got the chance to talk about what could be done. then I txted the above... I have never just given up I think he sees this is nearing the end. I have never been weak about anything he seems overly scared right now. The sick part is I am glad at the same time heartbroken that this is what it took.... A year and a half of fighting to have my family and my own family time to exhausted for that now. I hate that I have stopped caring.

HungryEyes's picture

Submitted by HungryEyes on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 9:14am

Oh man. Thanks. This is exactly what I go through. My SO made huge strides in fixing this part and the constant communication with BM. But in all honestly - damage was done in the first year. Even after he's made changes, I'm struggling with trusting him and of not feeling like the outsider. I have a lot to sort out but these little episodes will happen and stay in your mind and poison your relationship. I wish I had good advice but I haven't figured it out at all. Just so you know - you're not alone.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Mon, 07/15/2013 - 11:17pm

This MIGHT be salvageable.

But here's the thing. Your BF needs to go see a counselor or coach, ALONE, to get his shit together on his own. He can't disappoint you and then confide in you in such a way that makes you guilty for being disappointed in him. That will only lead to more resentment and less communication. Oh, and NO progress with boundaries, which is another reason he needs to go hear someone tell him to GET SOME who isn't you.

Smile

lil_lady's picture

Submitted by lil_lady on Mon, 07/15/2013 - 11:23pm

Well here is the kicker I have figured out why it is I am soooo emotional.. I'm pregnant. That being said I feel I honestly made this out to be worse then it was. Yes it does suck finding stuff out such as this.. In the past couple of weeks BF has been very good about trying to keep a distance. He has spoken to me every single time he has to speak with BM and we have a discussion about how to go about it.

BF recently said he feels as though I don't trust him sometimes. He was trying to have a calm conversation. Me, however, being the emotional ball I am responded with. If you had communicated with me in the first place and told me about communications this would not be a problem. He replied with "that is fair" of course I was mad by now and proceeded to start a fight and said well which is it am I untrusting or is it fair?! Either way he told me it was fair and he understands he screwed up he wished he hadn't.

By George I think He's Got IT! Only time will tell.

lil_lady's picture

Submitted by lil_lady on Mon, 07/15/2013 - 11:27pm

We by the way are very excited and have been trying... This whole choice to communicate with her was completely out of left field. I think that is why I felt so hurt by it.