Vent about DH being rude...
BM gets the skids Thursday after school (picks up at our house) until Monday before school (drops off skids at school).
In the summer SS16 takes his XBOX to BM's since there is no school. Well lately BM has been bringing SS16 to our house Monday mornings to drop of the XBOX. He opens the garage and puts it in the garage, and then leaves and she takes him to school.
During the time that skids are gone, sometimes I go out in the public space (open windows) not fully dressed, and DH and I don't have to be quiet in the bedroom (which is right next to the garage).
With that being said, I asked DH 2 weeks ago to have BM let us know when she'll be at the house if she's going to be stopping by with SS16, I simply like to know when someone will be at my house, and I don't want him, or her to see me naked, or hear us. DH didn't want to deal with at the moment, and I let it go.
BM picked up skids yesterday and I asked DH again if he had addressed it, he told me no, and again he didn't want to deal with it at the moment, which I was fine with (as long as it was dealt with before the Monday morning drop again). Well apparantly DH "felt" like I was pressuring him and badgering him into talking to her RIGHT THEN about it, even tho I wasn't, and literally didn't say a single word about it.
Long story short, he snapped and was rude to me about it based on his ASSUMPTION that I was pushing him to deal with it immediatly. Ended up being this big fight, because I wanted an apology from him for being rude, and he kept thinking I wanted an apology for him misinterpreting me which he didn't feel was his fault. Ughhh it's all so stupid, people make mistakes, things get lost in transaltion smoetimes, but i just wanted a dang apology for being rude based on his misunderstandings.
FINALLY got one after a long chat, and things are fine now, but I'm just still irritated. He's making me feel unreasonable for wanting to know when someone with be at our home, and he's irritated that he has to deal with BM about it (sorry I didn't marry or procreate with the lady! that's his problem), and I felt like he took it out on me.
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Comments
I got to say that there is NO
I got to say that there is NO way his ex is going to call you every time she drops SS16 off to bring home his Xbox. You are likely just going to be stirring the pot -- even if it is unintentional. The kid doesn't come in the house. And if you are worried he will, lock the garage door. It seems a little nuts to make a big deal about the fact that the kid comes home and leaves his Xbox in the garage. Not even the house.
I do understand the apology thing. I want an apology sometimes and it is like pulling teeth.
#don'tSweatTheSmallStuff #ThereAreTooManyBigThingsToWorryAbout
I don't see it as a big deal
I don't see it as a big deal for her to let DH know when she's coming by, she only gets them every other weekend, and it's only Monday mornings that is the issue...so literally two days out of a month she'd need to send a text saying "will be ther at XYZ for XBOX drop off"
Also, if it would usually be at the same time she could just say we'll be there around 8 most mornings, and then if one day it's different she could send a text, that woudl be even less messaging.
We have windows that don't have coverings that are in the front of the house (although hidden from the street) so if anyone is in our driveway they can see in. Also our door in our house that goes into the garage has a half window, so if you're in the garage you can see into the house (right by my bedroom).
I would just assume every
I would just assume every other Monday she is going to be dropping off the Xbox and then dropping off SS to school. So if he takes the Xbox that weekend to mom's assume he's dropping it off before school that Monday. It's 2 Mondays a month. It seems like a lot of unneeded conversation. Continue doing what you want to do or would normally do. As long as he's not coming in the house it shouldn't be a worry about anyone seeing you naked.
I get what you're saying
I get what you're saying stepmommabear, but sometimes there are just SO MANY of the "small stuffs" that you just can't ignore. How many small thing should have to be ignored? And, maybe this is a big thing for OP? She doesn't like unannounce entry to the home-space (even if it is just the garage); for some people that IS a big thing.
I'm confused. It sounds like
I'm confused. It sounds like you know exactly when she's stopping by ... every other Monday before school. So be dressed and no sexy time then. If it's other times that SS16 is asking BM to swing by so he can get something - HE should notify you guys, not her.
Agree that SS should do the
Agree that SS should do the notifying.
So the UPS guy can see you
So the UPS guy can see you nekkid if he makes an unexpected "delivery"? I hope he's not a registered sex offender. I recommend covering your windows. Or let the whole world see you nekkid. Either way, the texting sounds like an unnecessary irritation. Most of us are trying to have LESS contact with BM.
I get what y'all are saying,
I get what y'all are saying, but I still want my private time in my home to be mine. I don't want to have to get dressed to walk thru my house just in case they're stopping by, because I have to be dressed every other day skids are there. DH is primary so, the few days skids aren't here I want to have my privacy.
Skids effect so much of the rest of my life, I just want my dang weekend away from them to be AWAY FROM THEM.
DH is always looking for action in the AMs when the skids are gone, like literally ALWAYS. I usually end up going thru the house not dressed because I'm running behind because of action with DH, so they kind of go hand in hand.
Not to mention, I think it's rude to just show up at someones house unannounced, I don't care who you are. If she comes at the same time every Monday, fine, just tell me the time, but she hasn't yet, she just started doing this maybe 4 weeks ago so I don't know what time.
Tell SS to stop taking the
Tell SS to stop taking the Xbox and to stop dropping it off as it intrudes on your kid free time. This isn't really a BM issue.
This is easy. Cut off the
This is easy. Cut off the action every other Monday. That ought to get DH to talk to BM whether you ask him to or not. Consequences, consequences.
FWIW, BM here walked into my house early this week. No knock, no text. I went in to wake up the kids and there she was, waking them up herself to say hello. Note to self: lock the doors! I could understand that she wanted to see them; we'd been out of town and we took them (with her permission) during her time, and I'm sure she missed them. But for heaven's sake, CALL first, don't be creepy and scare the bejeebus out of me. Needless to say, SO communicated the "do not ever do that again" message to her quickly, because I was NOT happy. And in case you're wondering, this is not the former marital home, this is MY house.
This kid is 16 why does BM
This kid is 16 why does BM have to be involved. You tell DH either he tells SS to call first or no play time Monday mornings because you feel uncomfortable.
Because this 16 year old acts
Because this 16 year old acts like an 8 year old and is completely irresponsible, and has no care for other's needs or wants. That's a WHOLE other issue, but suffice it to say SS16 would not be a reliable communicator.
Sure I could say no playtime in the AM but that still doesn't solve my irriation of someone showing up unannounced at my home, or the fact that sometimes the clothes I need are in the laundry room and I'd rather just walk there, instead of having to find other clothes to put on to walk ther like I'd have to do on any other morning.
Like my title said, mostly I'm just looking to vent, I'm irritated that my few free days away from skids can never truly be free days, and it just sucks.
If a 16 year old cannot be
If a 16 year old cannot be releyed upon for a simple text or phone call, you have bigger issues then no hanky panky on Monday mornings. What are you going to do in 2 years when you can't get this skid out of your home, especially when BM stops getting paid and sends him to your home full time ?