What a mess I am
It was EX's year to have SS on the 4th of July. Because I am STUPID, I called to remind him. He did know, but BB of course told him that we had SS last year and this was HER year so EX would not be seeing him. That's a blatant lie, and we have emals from last year that prove it, so I told EX where they are and he retrieved them, forcing her to let SS be with his father. I felt a little dumb for having gotten in the middle, and I vowed that this would be my last time dealing with this again.
Well, apparently not. Last night at around 6 EX calls from the police station. Seems that BB refused to drop SS for the court-ordered Thursday overnight because EX took SS to see the Transformers movie. Yes, you read that right. Now, granted, SS is 5 and maybe a little young, but he loves those stupid toys and all he sees are commercials and movie posters and whatnot, and hey, whatever, it wasn't porn.
Anyway, so BB told EX that he shouldn't have done that and that SS didn't want to see his dad anyway...then she put SS on the phone and told him to tell his dad that he didn't want to see him. Nice, right? Anyway, so they argued, then she simply said, "You know what? Fuck you!" and hung up. So, EX went to the police station and filed a report. They called BB and left her a voicemail or something advising that she doesn't break the court order again.
I cannot get away, ladies. I know it's my own fault for not telling him to leave me out of it, but the simple fact is that I cannot turn my back on him. He has no one out here and he is trying to be a good father. He was a shitty husband and partner, but the one thing he WAS was a good dad. I can't stand to see people taken advantage of (better not look in the mirror) or hurting...I honestly feel other people's pain as if it were my own.
If i tell him to leave me alone, I will feel terrible and possibly worse than if I just deal with the bullshit. I just wish I could be his friend and let the nonsense roll off my back, but I can't help but feel enraged for him.
God, I need a good therapist.
Krissy
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Comments
We don't come equipped with switches, Krissy.
It's not like you can just turn it off. And you have feelings for this child, which don't automatically cease when you separate from his father. Don't beat yourself up for being human. It's what makes you the loving, kind-hearted person you are. Physically separating is easier than separating emotionally and sometimes it's hard not to get sucked back in. Letting go is a process. There are steps and you have to go up each one as you get to it. Your ex will eventually get to the point where he's fighting his own battles or maybe not, but either way, eventually you'll get to the point where you don't feel the need to fight for him anymore. It'll come with time. I think it's natural, even with it's really over, to still have some lingering "stuff" out there that draws you together. Over time, that "stuff" will dwindle until there really is nothing left. Making a "clean break" is a wonderful idea, but it's not always practical. Breaking up is messy. You are a caring person. You don't ever want to change that... it's what makes you uniquely YOU. That's a good thing! So don't beat yourself up over this. It'll happen less and less as time goes on. You are blessed with the ability to feel empathy and that's a wonderful quality to have. It's too bad more people (like my husband, ahem!) don't have it. It's okay to put some distance in there so as not to be taken advantage of, but be glad that you have such a loving heart and such genuine concern for others. That's very rare.
~ Anne ~
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." -Walter Elliot
Good Nature
Even though he has burned you, this goes to show what a great person you are and how you are always looking out for other people's best interest. This is what probably attracted him to you in the first place. No matter what has happened, or what he has done to you, will change who you are inside. So be that wonderful person you are, and just be a little more picky before giving your heart away.
Kim
You are a good person.
I don't think you've done anything wrong. And it's not a sin to still want to help someone that you loved and possibly still have some feelings for. Yes, you did step right into the middle of it but you know why you did it. Do you feel bad for doing it? Do you feel like you've shortchanged yourself? Being his friend means being there for him, and that's what you've done. I don't let my friends' battles roll off my back. When they get hurt, I get hurt too. When they get taken advantage of or treated wrongly, I get angry. So you are being his friend by getting enraged at his pitfalls. Does this make you love him any more, or want to get back together with him? It doesn't sound like it. There's nothing wrong with helping someone out in my opinion, as long as you're not doing it to prolong the healing process or keep him from being helped by someone else if you know what I mean.
Hang in there, you're doing fine IMNSHO.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*