I know that is easy to say, but when it comes down to it, you don't owe anyone an explanation of who you go out with and when. The only people that matter are you and your child in this scenario. And you are the one who goes out on the date, and if that gives you a sense of freedom and relief and a little extra boost of confidence, then you will be a a better you and in turn a better mom. One thing I have learned is that you have to take care of yourself - not to the exclusion of your family, but you still have to make sure that you are healing and that you are in the best place possible. Go on the date, and anyone who really cares or judges -well, they can seriously go f themselves! This is about you.

- K

I was with my ex for 9 years & married for 6. Our marriage sucked from the beginning. We had talked divorce for 3 years till I finally told him no more next year crap, I wanted a divorce & this is what I wanted. I found an attorney who would do uncontested for 1300.00 & I was going to file. I let the a$$hole live in my basement for about 2 weeks afterwards. ( big mistake, you have not lived till your ex greets you naked & wants to talk..eww.. he is not an attractive man to start with, plus he was a lousy selfish lover) Any how, I figured I was not getting any younger ( besides I was in the best shape of my life & had never looked better or felt better)& started internet dating. Went out with a few goofs & then met DH. We connected immediatly & talked 4 hours on the phone the first night. I knew I was going to have a relationship with this man w/o ever having seen him. ( the picture he had posted did not do him justice at all.. it did not look at all like him, but I didn't care because I was so attracted to his personality after a few days of talking.) We had our first date the day after my divorce was final and I have been with him ever since. Infact our babies original due date was the anniversary of that first date... fate or what!

I married DH in less than a year & my family thought I was nuts. But I know it was right. I always say that the reason I stayed in the horrible first marriage because I was bidding my time till he came along. I belive this with all my heart, that as much as BM & his family drive me nuts with their stupidity I am where I am supposed to be.

I say screw whay others may think, we can only live our own lives & those that may judge better consentrate on their own messed up lives.
Good luck and I am glad he will be gone soon!

Listen, don't let judgemental people who don't have a clue about your life make you feel like going out on a date at this point would be wrong. I think it was Anne who once said that there is the emotional divorce (which you evidently have been through already) and the legal divorce (which I'm assuming isn't final yet, and is why you're second guessing yourself about going out with this guy?) If you're ready, GO! And have a great time, no worries. If other people want to pass judgement on you, screw 'em!

I'm glad you decided to go! This is exciting!

I'd be kinda weirded out by his request for your daughter's picture as well. It could be he's just trying to come off like he's interested, but why wouldn't he just ask when you meet up tonight instead of arranging it ahead of time? Kinda creepy! (But maybe I'm paranoid too.)

The picture thing is a bit disconserting. How well does your friend at work know this guy?

definitely go and try to enjoy yourself BUT definitely DO NOT bring a picture of your daughter. That is just too odd of a request and until you know him a lot better he should have no personal info about your daughter or how to become her friend.
Ask him lots of questions like. How is someone so wonderful still single? How many kids do you want some day? (but not so bold) etc...
Just to get a feel for this guy.
Also pay close attention to his eyes. If he is in any way going to be a bad thing for you or your daughter he will look up and to the left or avoid eye contact when/ if he tries to cover anything about himself.
Sorry if I seem to be over reacting but as a survivor of incest and child molesting, and a mother of 6 "cute little girls" I have become very guarded about men(and even women)and how comfortable their relationships are with young helpless children.
Good Luck and I hope things work out for you.
Oh and as far as is it too soon? Not if your ready. Just be careful how soon you let your daughter know that mommy has a new "friend" a lot of strong emotions come with that situation.
Lisa Dawn

from Lisa..I agree 100%..Hope you have a great time.

to me. Can't wait to hear how it goes. Have fun!

Thing is, most men come across as wanting to date girls without kids...they consider it "baggage"...Been there, done that as a single mom for 12 years before DH. He was probably letting you know he's ok with the kid thing. That's all. Definite clearance if he taught school. They do all kinds of background checks.

Email sounded great

I'm so excited for you! Remember, there are no rules. Just be yourself and do what makes YOU happy. Does he know you're going through a divorce? On the picture of the daughter thing, I didn't get any weird vibes from it. I thought he probably just wanted to know what she looked like and use it as an opportunity to let you brag on her a little bit and talk about something that you're comfortable with and know a lot about.

Good luck and have fun! Let us know how it goes!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

It certainly is. I can appreciate that maybe he wanted to send a message about kids being okay with him but, honestly, you haven't even met him yet. Why does he need to see, know, hear about your child? Why would he care? Odd request definitely...does that mean he is a deviant, nope but it would definitely put me on guard. Maybe he is just a bit socially awkward...who knows. But there are also many people who have risen to very prominent social places with total clearance who are absolute nutbars and who commit very bad deeds. Is it worth the risk?