I am biomom to two amazing girls, 17 and 14. They have embraced their step-dad and were looking forward to new siblings. He is an amazing man, father and step-dad. His kids? Well, they pretty much dislike us all. I know things could be so much worse, but for us it is bad. There is constant tension. I don't completely blame his children. The oldest is in college, the middle is 14 and the youngest is 10. The middle daughter and youngest son are with us every other week...much to their mother's dismay. She would prefer they never come to our house, they never interact with me, and they despise their father. She lies to them and to us. She has told them I have threatened her, and will hurt them. The truth is she threatened me, went to strike me, and I didn't back down. I told her to go ahead, do it if it would make her feel better. I was prepared to defend myself, by I did not raise a hand to her. I refuse to engage in a screaming match in the front yard and I refuse to allow her to abuse my husband. For that, I am the step-monster. Her children are convinced that I am mean, and they are scared of me.

We have gone out of our way to blend our families. We have given them their space, encouraged open communication. Our home is a yell free zone. If you have conflict, you discuss it. It took a few weeks, but they learned this. We expect our home to be a place of mutual respect. Speak to each other with respect, respect the space of others, and contribute to the household. Pick up your stuff, clean up after yourself, and help out when asked. It really isn't unreasonable...at least to four of us. We have time with just our bio-kids and we have time with all of us...or we try.

I feel like we are spinning our wheels and going backwards. Just when we seem to make progress their mother or older sister does something to create drama. The accusations are such that we are afraid to do anything but have him care for them all the time. There is distance, and separation...and of course, tension.

I'm here hoping to find answers, not expecting to find answers...but at least it will be a place to commiserate.